LETTERS TO MY P**** Pt 20-23

Am apologizing today
For having blamed you
Even when you had no control
For having strongly believed
It was your fault
I promise it won’t happen again
I was young and effortless then
I couldn’t defend you
But now that I have gained some weight
Grown to understand it was not our fault
I have learnt to defend you jealously
I thought you had let me down
Betrayed me
I almost under went mutilation,
None the less commit suicide
I never believed in the blood you shed
I mean every month the womb does so
I never believed in the pain
But today I say am so sorry.
21
Just before I forget
When I was very little
I published you
I always put you out for everyone to see
Dressed you in cheap knickers.
That I won’t call them lingerie
I will call me knickers
“Tajiri” they were known by many
They never grew old
Even when they lost their elasticity.
Woven they were
In a material similar to sisal
Hard and skin ripping
Am sorry for having put you through this
These knickers were my best then
It’s why I never changed them for years
But as I grew
I realized the risk I put you to
But you still never left
You have sunk under all difficulties
Even to those of not wiping you
After a short call, I ran off
To the sand sat.
I was a pathetic lover
Please accept my apologies
I was ignorant
I didn’t know how to take care of you then
How silly being a child is!
Yet so enjoyable.
22

When I grew up
May be am still trying to grow up
But again it was no excuse
For me to trade you
It was never my intention
But my friends influenced me
Especially when they used you for the same “things”
That I used you for
But this time round, they earned
They were paid.
Questions in my head ran,
Why do I open my legs to no pay?
Yet I can with lots of pay
It never had any emotion attachment
23
Because I never asked names
Yes…..
I never asked names of all the influential men
I knew they were big in government
But I had a boyfriend
That I was so attached to
That just gave you out to for no cost
Not because he couldn’t pay
Not because I loved him.
With the rest I didn’t have to have an attachment
Some were harsh,
They went down on you like hungry dogs
Others were soft and tender
But it was all my campus life
I didn’t come from a poor background
But something strange inside gave me force
The urge to look and smell good
To be a fierce rich girl on campus
Of course my family didn’t know
But you my dear friend did
And still never let me down
I was never scared of offering you
But lived with fear of pain
Pain from wounds caused by the men
So many things have happened in my life
But you’re my best secret keeper.

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3 thoughts on “LETTERS TO MY P**** Pt 20-23

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