I think i lost my purity long ago when i could swear that every hour i lived was for him that i forgot the real meaning of salvation and dreamt of walking down the aisle of my dreams not the man of my dreams. I forgot about the man after my heart, my father, the one who paid a priceless some when love was slain.
His heart was in pain and bleeding when i chose to give my heart away to many others, who to me seemed like my world and without them there was no breath. Because i was too impatient to build my church, even when he daily waited on my excuses and watched my movements and tried to keep me from falling, i never gave up on what according to me was the real world. of clubbing, forniccation, lies on top of lies. I was swept of my feet by the glitter of the world. i was too blinded by the bling to see the glory ahead of me. Many lives were lost to my account all bcause i was too proud to give my time and neither planning on ever being ready for work.
I didnt want to be laughed at by my peers yet they needed a better service from me than buying liquor. I wanted so badly to be a bride and walk down the aisle and be a bride that i forgot i was a bride daily in his prescence even when my voice was far from the abbey.
So today, i desire to return to my first love. the one the has loved me faithfully and unconditionally and recieved my broken heart on many accounts. To the one who will not create ultimatums and put me in position to prove my love is true. The one who will listen to me even in my radio silence, love me when my heart is weak and my eyes are sunken with tears, the one who will love me when my body is flabby and old from child birth, the only one who can turn my mess into a testimony that will transform souls.
I want to return to my matrimonial home and do everything i can to nurture my family. Like Ruth, i desire to be after God’s own heart. I didnt know i wouldnt make it far without you so i still went ahead and exchanged vows with unworthy men, which only lasted as long as it started.
The zeal of the fathers house has consumed me. Like Jermiah, my bones are with fire. I lied when i claimed to fellowship with you yet i still walked in darkness. But i cannot continue to miss the mark just because grace is abound.
Please marry me again
Into the realm of heaven
Wait on me like you do daily
I am ready lord. I’m ready. Here i am