So, i sat at my desk and kept wondering about my walk as a christian. Yesterday i listened to a friend saying she doesn,t want to give herself away because she didnt really enjoy the spiritual. Its not that you dont enjoy, you are afraid of the life you will lead because you think it wont be as fun. i said. As she went on and on trying to defend and justify using ecclesiastes, my mind wondered off to many other christians and people like myself.
i love you lord, greater than anything,
i love you lord,More than my heart could sing
I love You, Lord,More than I love myself.
Lord i lied and i lie each time i say i love you more than anything because many times i have given men Praise that is only meant for you. Many times i place my desires above you and make my troubles seem bigger than the cross. I have placed my boyfriends before you that even when i must go to church and they call i will immediately switch to their direction.
You are the love of my life
you mean more than this world to me….
truth be told, If you hadnt chose me and i had the option of choosing you or the scientific way of creating human and breathing life, i would do without you. There are nights that i want to ask why but my mother has always told me not to ask why but be thankful. i lost some friends because i was shandering, others because i was too church drowned so i wasnt fun anymore for them. Ofcourse i later learnt it was for the best but yes there those days i feel my children mean much more than anything.
Its only your will against mine when i have failed or if i cant exactly do it. Yet i keep repeating “As you will lord”. but see the things we like are not exactly the same even when i am created in your imagine and supposed to follow after you. But, how can i follow a man that humbled himself enough to die at calvary when it could have been me…Am Hypo-christian not even lukewarm. i want to first do everything like i desire before i come to you or preach contrary to my actions. I know which is right but continue to do wrong Lord, But, you never love me Less.
I want to learn to give myself away and not with holding anything, forgetting the grudge and revenge and have you take the wheel. I want to be able to give you total control of my life without thinking that i plan better than the man that designed me….I refuse to keep being Hypo-christian. Giving out and holding back, saying this and acting the other, coming to church because I need to meet friends, make them or just because it’s a Sunday……
To worship in spirit and in truth is what I desire.