Author: Kadali

I am simply a writer. A lover, a poet, a writer. I am everything ink and paint. A preacher by Grace and ooh a lover. Everything about love, i love love. From the conception of idea to after honeymoon, its Marriage, weddings. I believe in Love. But i trust ink. I love politics too but i prefer everything not politics. Enjoy!

puzzledline #26

oh tell me my love, what is it that caused you to tear

was it his recklessness or the unseriousness

did he say he wasn’t ready yet he led you on

or was it the unending ghosting and silly excuses

Was it the surprise parties he kept throwing

the endless gifts he showered you with

the too good to be true affection

or you are just an emotional peep

do you tear over things you see on tv?

Tell me my love,

Is it the endless complaints

and the cheating

or the girl he kept throwing in your face.

If it was the flowers, its okay.

Those things tend to make us sneeze so we tear

so do the perfumes and the love songs

Wait, was it the love song when you broke up

or the sad songs that spoke to your heart

or the movie scenes that reminded you of him

Was it because you were overwhelmed and your boss couldn’t stop yelling

Or the kids that never seemed to get independent

its okay, it doesn’t matter

regardless, its okay to tear, its therapy to the soul

Letters 21

I want to write to you a letter my love.

A letter of love, a letter of thought, a letter under the stars.

I lay on my bed staring at the ceiling wishing I had those sticker stars that glow. I stare into the emptiness of the dark. Wondering if one wishing star could just swing by 👌🏼for a while. I am imagining a house with no roof. Perhaps a glass house by the beach

You know I love sunsets because they give me hope and make me feel accomplished. So a glass house by the beach would give me a perfect view. But I also love a dark sky on a cold night. Stars twinkling around a full moon.

A whole horizon at the neck of the sea, still waters whispering sweet nothings. The day was beautiful but with more chaos than expected. I need some quiet right here. Here where my thoughts speak nothing and my heart says … beautiful! ….

Where the waves kiss the shore a bit more loud and the palms sweat in harmony. In this hammock I wanna fall asleep hugging my knees and smiling at the stillness of my soul. Perhaps silently lay with you listening to the music of your heart. But, right here , I wanna lay alone to reflect on …. nothing!… but also about nothing because I just want to listen to nothing but my heart, the stars , the waves and the whispers of the wind. Here, is where I want to teach my soul about my heart, my mind about my body and my body, the language of love.

Alters

of the things that trouble hearts

lets think about the pandemic we survived

but the unemployment that troubles us

the dying economy

and the fat politicking

my heart bleeds for Italy

for my country men

for the medics

for myself, for the creatives

will they have a table laid today

of will they go hungry yet again today

will the infant have breast milk

the mother is starved, how will she lactate?

let me cry

for nothing

for the emptiness i feel

for nothing

but for the disappointment that aches my heart

for nothing

but for the empty alters

for nothing

but for many hopeless knees

for nothing

she needs to pay a geek!

no they are too expensive, she has no income

For nothing

i need therapy

no, i need to breathe!

But why Am i crying?

for the unexplained pain?

for the fake speech

for the corruption

or for the hungry family

and a man who has lost his sanity.

Let me weep in fact

for the man that has lost his esteem

he cant feed his family

for the woman that has lost herself

for the individual that has lost sanity

for the anxiety being brewed

and the served depression!

Allow me mourn

for a selfish state

selfish individuals

selfish…..nothing.

hopelessness…..

a failed economy

a sad generation and a coward one

fuck comfort!

we cant even afford it now

the pandemic went with it

yet you still prefer comfort to your rights

CRIMES OF PASSION

Sydney sims -unsplash

So, while I was scrolling through Facebook and twitter I land on this Obituary/ death announcement of an IHK nurse that was hacked to death by her husband INFRONT OF HER KIDS no you didn’t hear me. He axed her in the sight of her children. Well, according to the people that seem to know the story. But it’s not the first case. Women a buried in septic tanks.

Last week a video was posted the lady was smashing the man’s car and the man was recording while telling the kids “see your mother is mad” and she was asking him to stop feeding her kids with lies she isn’t mad. She was getting back at him for something but that’s a story we online don’t know so we can’t tell reason for reaction. She was criticized in all ways positive and negative but I got lots of questions on my mind and why such crimes seem justified and why the law has to first check the mental health of the criminal to be sure he is mentally steady. My heart sunk for the kids. The image, the sight will never depart. I really pray they find a home (without him) that will nurture them and console and love and take good care of them.

Now the questions. No matter the reason no one deserves to take another life in the name of anger and frustration and I wasn’t thinking nonsense.

We need to change the narrative and stop stigmatizing divorce. Now don’t get me wrong, I know what the bible says and I don’t support divorce, but if it is the only way our or reason to get sanity please get out even God loves the Divorcee (am sure he will understand or not). Especially because I don’t think all marriages are ordained by God. We force ourselves into some because we are pregnant, wealth, love, age, society, peer pressure whatever it is, lust even when we have all the red flags.

First of all it’s okay not to get married, society shouldn’t dictate. It’s okay not to want children or want one or four or 20 as you please not what the world says is right. Don’t give in for the sake of your sanity. It’s also okay to get married at 40 or whatever age you find it right and pleasing.

Did the deceased talk to people? Probably they told her to be strong and hang on.

Are we taught to stay in toxic relationships because we fear the aftermath, the kids, the things built together the memories we hold together? Okay for the sake of Marriage the kids will suffer the break up but they will also suffer consequences of a toxic union so make the right choice because Death shouldn’t be it no matter the choice. We tell these girls everything they should do soon as they hit adolescence but have we rejected the men?

What does a man do in a toxic relationship?

How do they deal with anger?

Many women, myself inclusive live in carelessness because we are taught as African women to uphold family honor and be patient even when it kills your mental, physical and emotional health. We take all the abuse ad “die heroes”.

Who started this narrative?

“That is how marriage is” seems to mean take everything thrown at you. Do you think Christ was stupid to die on the cross or when he said “if you burn marry but being alone is better” Did he build the institution on spite or you think he was drunk to preach love, love in Corinthians.

Why do we prefer to return home in coffins when we left in heels and makeup just at the expense of abuse? Don’t we love ourselves just enough!

Normal men that were groomed well, speak up! Don’t let this eat us all up because of few that were probably broken as young men

Do the church vows need to be revised from “till death do us part” because we shall really die?

My heart is bleeding yet I didn’t even know her in person. Rest in peace Violet Kakai

The other halves

When he went to the bathroom, she palmed her face “what have i done?. I have taken a one way ticket with a man i don’t love but convinced i will grow to love.”

Two days ago Anna got married to Paul the Paul she grew up with. Her house was two locks from his and they spent most of their childhood together. Their parents were convinced that they were perfect for each other. They had both been in different relationships growing up and Anna knew how much of a heart breaker he was. He wasn’t even attracted to her body, even as an adolescent there are times they shared a bed and he would just close his eyes each time she pulled off her shirt before him.

He was into Skinny girls , and Damn” her hips were flying and her tinny waist could barely hold it together. Yusuf liked her. He was attracted to everything about her and she loved being in his company but her father would never approve of him because he was not christian. After many attempts trying to convince the mother about religion, she failed and in secret they dated. Paul knew about Liam but also he was convinced she was his.

Now, she is seated on the bed of her honeymoon suit wondering if she made the right choice or could have eloped.

lets pour us some wine. Paul said as he walked to the tray that held it. I know we aren’t in love, she turned to him as he held out the glass before her.

Paul, i thought you were in love with me?

No, i was in love with the idea of you and i was just selfish to have you have another. I love Bree, the girl from school but just like your parents, mine wouldn’t have it either so, here is the deal. Can we be in an open relationship. We can have sex if you like, we can have a baby or two but we can see the others we really like. Yusuf is Moslem and not married yet, he might not mind finally having you. But Never get caught and Never sleep out of home. Also never bring our other halves of this equation to this our home. We should act married in public and family gatherings because technically we are. We can discuss other things like finances when you are up for it. He sipped his wine and sat in the chair in the corner of the room. His grey sweatpants revealing a bit so much that besides what he just said, she wants to have him.

Before i respond, as your wife, i demand to have some of that, pointing to the bulge in his pants. He gave her a sly smile and motioned her to come close. He took her right their on the chair. Feeling him inside her scattered lots of emotions. and when they were done she asked. In-case i fall in love with all this along the way, am i allowed to suggest a real marriage without the other halves?

Looking at her from the corner of his eyes, drew her close and said. Yes, my love because I’m not letting this go.

#PuzzledLines25

i can’t remember the last time i felt a man’s hands play piano with my spine spine
neither do i remember the last time the tambourine on my waist shook
90 days feels like a year
i think i have forgotten how to tongue twist
and donate titles they don’t deserve
does it feel good?…
No. because the moment he walked through the door i knew it was like the last time
zero worship, straight to sermon
hit it, hit the shower and go home
then i am once again stuck in my bed
hugging my knees and eating candy
planning on the next movie
preparing to laugh to myself
because shit! i am empty!

Akashaka ka Rukundo

If you were having tea with me…

Beaton taught me the line

I would seat you by the window

Let you smell the flowers at my table

Or just hand you a book

If you were having tea with me,

I would tell you about the pot I poured from

It’s my grandmas pot

But she has been gone a few years

She fenced her farm with a sweet herb

We called it a herb of love

Akashaka ka rukundo

If you were having tea with me

I would let you inhale the aroma

before I pour into your cup.

I would tell you that on many occasions

My food is spiced with love.

At the table I dined,

We held hands and said the grace

We shared smiles and tears

We spoke and learnt

If you were having a cup of tea with me

I would lead you to my fireplace

The place that holds my heart

A place that has heard many stories

I would throw you a shawl.

And tell you of the recipes that place has birthed

If you were pouring from my pot

I would tell you,

My grandma grew rosemary anywhere

It fenced the farm

It gated her home

I would tell you that without it a meal was incomplete

Now you would know that it’s a herb of love

It protected her house as much as her farm

It brought her family together and gave them warmth

And today as we drink from my pot

Of freshly brewed love

I tell you of the lessons my grandma taught me

I share my heart

I let you know that rosemary was her herb of love

And now it’s my herb

Akashaka kangye k’arunkundo

Because she didn’t know the English name

She called it love.

Rant…

I want to rant today. But again they want to regulate this my platform they said they needed to go through things before they get published for public consumption but they even don’t know what this place does to my mental state, they also don’t know its a free domain maybe.

Once upon a time i was in the news room. Years back i went to University and majored in print a thing everyone close thought was dying out soon and they thought i needed to do PR or broadcast but i kept arguing that just like i love my hard copies, some of us are like myself and Print cant completely die out. Even if the hard copies were extinct the digital platforms are too many and we would adjust our eyes and read online if we must because as much as the reading culture seems dull, its silently loud. I don’t even know what i am saying but back to the story. I got discouraged in the news room because we told lies or half baked stories because we were scared of which big gun was being undressed by the story, the editor would refurbish the story to suit the standard. We have a media council or Maybe we have but who has heard it fight the battles. I resorted to lifestyle because that was a safe place but i soon got bored and sought for other pastures

it hurts that the creatives are being oppressed. We wanted the regulations we, asked but we didn’t say make them up without consulting stake holders, without understanding what exactly the creatives do. Do you even have an idea how many guys are kept sane and employed this side? or you don’t care having crime go up. But i doubt. It seems like a political move, well we have scientific campaigns. We hope the politicians know what this means along side the OTT they enforced.

Just before i could even get my finger around these regulations one minister says the main city should be closed another two weeks because we refuse to adhere to regulations of COVID-19.

C’mon guys, cut the crap. We have been locked 3 months and we even haven’t had serious patients. Tanzania didn’t lock down they died but business went on the economy is not as dead as ours. One minister wants to prove the hard work and because for them they get a pay check and allowances they have no idea how many people have lost jobs, kids are mourning their final year dead, cut salaries and cant feed themselves nor families. Two deaths even outside the main cities and you you are shaking! Its a pity that these guys passed but could scientist tell us what is so special about us besides God that while the world mourned we didn’t suffer much, could something be in their unexplained?

By sunset

being in a relationship won’t cure your loneliness
riding on the horseback into a sunset of a marriage wont cure your sadness
we win some and lose some
because love as it is doesn’t guarantee happiness

how can you be mad if you don’t remember?
to forgive is not always to forget
so stop making excuses because the hug is warm,
the sex is good,
and the heart wants what it wants
again..
don’t ride into a sunset of a marriage because
at dawn the tears will flow
the ache will return
the thumping will be loud
darkness will cloud you
but don’t say,
i was blind.
And don’t blame love

josh applegate

why are you accepting his ring when you haven’t forgotten
why is he on one knee when you both didn’t heal
love,
did i hear love
change?
are you God!
Love?
are you insane?
well when the sunrises, we shall be dressed in purple
with hankies and hymn books
silently crying at the church pews
our hearts grieving
his back being patted by another not you
and by sunset, you will be lowered
At sunrise we will walk the streets like nothing ever happened.

#PuzzledLines24

I like the way you bite your lips when, i hit that spot
the way your nails dig into my back
and your teeth clench against my neck
throwing your legs up to the ceiling
but you only call on me when its convenient for you
while you are my safe haven.
and know how to hold all my broken pieces from the past together
in you i found a love that i can’t keep
a lioness in bed
and lily in the day.
I can’t keep giving you what you want
while the flames of my love evaporate