Murder,she baked

Halo….. Please if you aren’t ready to share this man leave him alone and stop stressing him. The call dropped before she even had chance to. Say a proper halo. ‘but side chicks should know their limit. She thought to herself before turning back to Celine, her two-year-old daughter. She had asked for a two weeks break from work because she needed to take care of her daughter as her mother helps her find a new maid. Jackie her former maid had left pregnant and she deep down she knew her husband, Frank was responsible. He wore so much guilt since they found out and he had started to gift her every other day. She asked Jackie to confide in her before she left and she had kindly said “Auntie Stella, uncle Frank is responsible but he even doesn’t want to hear of it”

She remembers how blood went cold in her body that morning, how she held back her tears until she was by herself in the shower. Her marriage was too young to have all this drama. She recalls every word her mother said when she told her mwana wange guma, obufumbo bwakuguma. Eno odawani? He paid us in full. Stay strong don’t even confront him. Marriage is full of ups and downs. How else was she supposed to share this with her friends? They all envied her and many times blamed her for his behavior. She chose to suffer silently and before it, all could go away, the side chick!

he came home that day with another bunch of flowers. He had money and power now, he wasn’t the young man that she met at campus. He spoke with so much authority that she was afraid he would strike her if she attempted to engage him. How does she question that loyalty of the mayor? He had transferred politics into their bedroom long ago no wonder no one sympathized with her. They saw her drive an expensive car and live in a mandion. The kind that girls her age dream of somthdy expected she at least focuses on the wealth and status of her husband than all otyer things. Mark, her four year old son was away for holidays at his paternal grand parents. So she only had celine and had to make sure she finds a new House help before Mark returns. She had asked her matron to help her send for one from her village and she promised to get her one by week end but she needed to talk to her husband about the former maid and the side dish before a new house help came in.

She waited friday night for frank who as usual came in so late tgat tge kids hardly so him. 1am, he pulled up in the garage, he came in drunk so drunk that she couldnt hold a conversation with him for he wouldnt remember by morning. The new maid was arriving saturday evening. She waited for tge morning when he was fresh and sober but he got up rushing that he hardly touched the breakfast she prepared. She was now getting used to eating alone with the kids and almost saying no word to her husband since he became mayor. Frank was always in a rush to leave home yet also returned so late. Even the weekends she expected to have him for a couple of hours, he was gone soon as he woke up.

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Curiosity Killed Me

So curiosity directed me to a restaurant hidden at some basement.. The pics looked nice and the guy with the flyer didn’t stop swinging it each time I passed by. today i was hungry and decided to visit.

the food I usually have at 6k was not less than 20k and that is beans all food. Eish i usually eat beans at hajjats at 4k and all food at that. I couldn’t even run out of the restaurant. it was not so occupied and the owner had ushered my friend and i into the lounge with a God bless you. “what kind of man says tha?” my friend asked. After we looked at the menu i told her, now i know why we needed the blessings 20k for beans and 10k for plain chips with no salad or gravy? and this isn’t serena or Sheraton or KFC Not even close to a 1 star. Since we couldnt run, i told my friend i wasnt paying 10k for fries i cant get at 3500k of 5k i would rather sit on a time bomb of chicken at 20k even when Madinah can give it for 10k and she would even add deep friend gonja.

The food did take a while after we decided to do this and NEVER be curious again for such places. Then very loud Old school jams were played that we hardly heard each other talk. The food came and the tables were meant for pillow guys because they were too low u would get tired of bending and carry your plate. In this Uganda where the least paid earns 3.5m and the cleaner isnt paid but tipped 150k and has rent and tax….why would i eat food of 20k for lunch…..I just wasted lunch and transport for two days. I have learnt my lesson.

The Choir

So today I felt like sharing the song list I had for my church wedding. It was too lit i still go can’t deal. I had Mr John Osire and band play for my church choir and gracious God, if it wasnt Justice, i ask that you contact them as well or talk to me nicely for the contact. It’s an Only christian band. Meaning they only play gospel songs so even if you want them to play at your wedding reception, make your gospel list known to them and let them handle the rest. And yes, he is the best Violinist I know in Kampala.

groom entered Church to “great is thy faithfulness“.  You will realise I chose a lot of Old traditional church hymns for my day. But for each of these hymns speak closely to my heart. And this was a perfect song because morning by morning new mercies I indeed see.

maids entered to “flesh of my Flesh“. Now, the first time I heard this song it was at one of the many weddings I attend but i didn’t know the lyrics. Thanks to google i got to know the lyrics…They are vows….

Bride(that is me): I entered to “just as I am,I come broken“. Now, all my childhood I knew this was the song I was going to walk down the aisle to. However, the traditional hymn is what i had in mind until Tomlin, pimped the song up. It’s deep for me.(god,only God and i know how deep) I see My husband as Christ and i as his church and all i was saying is “just as i am” i come to thee so just take me in. I am not perfect but that is why christ died for a sinner like myself to be mended. So dear husband, maybe you didn’t know this but i am the way i am, not perfect, always under construction.

After the vows: Beautiful in white was played yes the one of westlife, because my husband has his attachments to it. He didn’t care at what point they sang it, but he needed the song and yes, I was in a lovely white Gown.

the Offertory and thanksgiving. one of my favorite Luganda hymns “Ekisa kyo tekitegerekeka” (your grace is unfathomable). His Grace is indeed nothing I can explain or describe. its unfathomable and indescribable, its overwhelming. Because every day I still fall short and yet everyday he loves me harder…nowonder Brian Lubega questions…Kisa nabaki ekyo?….

It was accompanied with “he has made me glad” and indeed The lord has made me glad. Everyday am blessed. Everyday I sing a new song

Signing the certificate we had “To God be the Glory“…..If I don’t give him the glory, then am a big thief. That man has done me good…so good.

The recession song was Big Godo by Dee Jones: One, I wanted to dance my way out of Church. Two, I wanted to praise my lungs out. three: i just needed to remind myself that He has never left me alone.  I tell my Matron that i am a modern-day Esther because the Favor upon my life overwhelms me as well. And knowing i have a big God by my side, i can never fail! i have a team of Mordecais because its not just a single person. My “A” team. My family. eish kambateganise! kamunkunzire!

Now, did I mention that Mrs Ziki Banga aka Saidat Catcazazza (fb names) was on those Vocals? Gwe…this babe can sing….If I had her vocals i would never ever shut up.

All in all “to God be the glory” he has made me glad. My heart is full

NB: Kano Kalango, Just incase u want a choir that will do Runyankore hymns for you,My siblings and I are like the open hymn book or that we have the kitaguriro within us that the book wont have. we Also know English but see some times vernacular tastes like heaven!

Collector of hearts

He spent his nights with her

But all she kept was his body

His heart was else where

With a woman who would never be his

But he kept hoping one day

She cried in his bed

She tormented the other woman

He cried himself to sleep

Pleaded for the other woman

Begged she takes him in

One mistake,

Just one drunken night

Got him tied to his baby mama

And he lost the love of his life

She had his body and sleep

His heart was with another

 

He loved her fiercely

She loved him back

Maybe not as much as he loved her

But family couldn’t let them

He could never give it up

She wasn’t willing to hurt her parents

She knew they would never approve of the union

Neither could she elope

They stayed, hearts tangled together

But then she knew it only caused hurt

She left

But she left with his heart

 

He said he had found another

A much better version

Least did he know it was excitement

An adventure that would end soon

She waited on him

Everyday she cried herself to sleep

Hoping he would see how much she loved him

He was too immersed in her fragrance

He forgot his promises

He said he loved her But loved her more

She still stayed

Hoping he would realise it was just a one stop

But the longer she stayed

The more she hurt the more her heart sunk

Love grew into spite

When his phase was due

She had gone

He pleaded to have her back

But she was long gone

And long gone with his heart.

No retreat.

 

They all wished they had a second chance

They tried to get back to the brokenness

Make up for all their bad choices and mistakes

They realised happiness only lied with her

She had been too good they played

Took her for granted

Toiled with her heart

And when the adventures ended

Their hearts didn’t approve no one but her

Their chests felt empty

They had lusted over the rest

Despised and crashed the one that held their hearts.

But as long as her heart still beat…..she was determined to fall in love again.

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When love hurts,it stings

“This isn’t meant to be your place.” He said bluntly not even strong enough to stare at her. She was willing to drop her life and leave her town for his but well I guess it wasn’t going to happen.

‘So do you want to have your ring back’ she had promised him the day he placed the promise ring on her finger that if it never worked she would at least make sure she didn’t throw the ring or just keep it but return it. But also she had said it in mockery. She didn’t think he would gladly approve. He laid out his palm and said “well, this is the stop and I don’t think u will be needing it”. She didn’t cry and somehow wasn’t so shocked. She had gone to see him and share other information but she suddenly couldn’t cry or even share the news. She dropped what she had gone for and politely asked him to drop her off at the bus station. She wanted to say something but her head was a stadium all over a sudden. She got off and headed for the bus.

He paid her fare..yes not sure if it was courtesy or he wasn’t sure of everything he had said earlier. She got a seat by the window and just when she was wondering if she should cry or not, thea he was rushing her off the bus just before it started to move.

‘What is it?

What is wrong?

What happened?

“Well I won’t allow u leave just yet. Not tonite. Maybe tomorrow morning. She was puzzled a few hours ago he said they were done and his part of town wasn’t meant for her and he was going back to his baby mama because he wanted to raise his kid right. In a unified family of no steps and confusion. A baby mama she only had of and a son she loved even with just having seen pictures of him over the years…some times she believed none of these existed but she still kept silent and kept it going.

She was now off the bus with the same man. . (Why did she even allow)..he drove her to hotel where he checked her in and told her he would pick her up for he was going home to his baby mama. The moon was rising..she just ordered food and took a bath and while she was settling in to watch news and text a couple of people….thea was a knock at the door.

It was him again 2 hours later and he was now going to spend the night with her. Part of her rejoiced, part of her was confused. She was tired. It had been this kind of play for months. Her heart was tired. But she stayed they made love. She shared her not so exciting news just before they slept off.

Morning was here and she had to go. She showered and they both went down to the hotel restaurant for breakfast. He drove her to the station again and she asked whether she was getting her ring back. The response was a quick No. Unthought through probably

She asked again a couple of hours later before she took the bus and it was the same No. He paid the fare and this time she was gone. Still by the window she sat. Lost in thoughts the whole journey. She pulled out a pencil and note pad and recorded the events. She evaluated and it’s this day that she left even when she kept going back when the invites came. Still cared so much, called and still said I love you to no response, took time to make unrefined calls and drove to visit a hall of emptiness. Maybe hoping something would wake up…

She had left that day after so many stories, stand ups, dropped calls, not feeling appreciated, being asked why she stays.

Even when she still burnt with love

She left because the emptiness, the hurt…it all wasn’t more like what she was meant to feel.

She had been gone a whole year before he got to realise.

When love starts to hurt..it stings and stinks. It’s no longer love..It’s loneliness demanding, it’s depression, it’s not feeling good enough for anything else.

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#TalkingTales

I thought she just had a bad morning so she had probably had a few things to say to herself but she went on and on like she was almost shandering but not. she spoke softly then loudly then smiled like she was having a discussion with herself or perhaps an invisible friend.

She kept her head tilted towards the window and very often she picked a paper from her hand bag. she looked like she was reading loudly from it but she actually didn’t have her eyes on it. I tried to listen in vain for I didnt seem to understand the language she spoke. “did her witch doctor/Man of God/Parent or whatever tell her to speak to herself the whole the journey?”.

She later stepped off and I stared at her as she walked off. She was dressed in a green dress and her brown heels half bent to the sides that i kept wondering how exactly she managed to walk without wobbling. She had her eyebrows well drawn and her red lipstick well sketched on her lips. I had seen her at the taxi stand. She still had been talking to herself but i assumed she was on phone so i looked away. She looked like a young girl in her early 20s, so early an age for one to speak to themselves that long. I wonder if she has got help or if she even needs it or even realises that she needs it. Maybe i am over thinking it. But i still can’t get her out of my mind

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My Crown of honor

she had stars in her eyes and dreams in her heart
tears at midnight and Jameson in a glass.
She had thoughts and a cigarette in hand

she had a vision but he destroyed it
made her feel worthless and empty
The light had dimmed
I stood across the street every day
watching her from my window
hoping one day I could share her pain.
I had dreams but I didn’t have her

I started to pursue her,
I lit a wild-fire around me but didn’t allow it to touch her
and today, for the first time in 8 months, i saw her smile

I have waited so long to see this smile.
I wear her like a crown
one I don’t intend to let down
nor give it up without a fight

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Nemu – the hair dresser

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So today I recalled a lady in my village. she was a real village belle. She was called Nemu (read Name). Nemu was my hair dresser. The best on the village. She plaited my sister and i from when we were little. One Christmas, she plaited us and decorated our finished hair with metallic buttons as opposed to beads..(oh! how beautiful we looked).

Nemu was like a moving hollywood actress. She was a slim figure, had the kind of body we thought was only for models. She was like Aamito just lighter. About 6 feet (i don’t know because i was very little). She rented a single room down in the ghetto and was too clean and smart that if you found her at the bus station you would think she just came out of a mansion. Her poise…jeez!. She always wore heels even when she was going to the market to buy one tomato. She wore only bodycon dresses,pencil skirts….clothes that sketched out her curves. Her nails were always done and she never forgot the red lipstick(i didnt think she cared about the brand, it could have been the Irene we use lately). she was the First MUA i ever saw because all the village females with parties to attend passed by her veranda before going out to parties or weddings or bars. She didn’t charge for the make up because she believed in women looking good and she only charged UGX 7000 for my hair then.

On many occasions, the men in the neighbouring village called her a prostitute but she was just that woman who was probably a fan of spice girls and dreamt of living in France or Paris at a point. She did enjoy her cigarette but also only drunk when she wasnt working. She just loved being a woman and having all the attention. As years went by, Nemu shifted and later news reached us that she passed on. She was unmarried and had no children but was happy.  Today I wonder why people called her a prosititute because of the way she choose to present herself? can’t a woman just look good and enjoy her life with no one thinking it she is doing it to seduce men?

Nemu wore her “mivumba” just for herself. She choose the perfect ones for her body and when she walked out, she wore a smile and walked like she was moving on glass. She had her own red carpet laid out in her mind each time. It didn’t matter if she was heading to the market or to buy the braids for her clients. she often said “nze nekolera byange binsanyusa”. She always had her head high,shoulders out and protected her crown. She had no reason to fix yours yet hers wasnt exactly straight and she knew.

Rest in Peace Nemu

15.12.17

These were my choice of bridal shoes as opposed to heels. The first time I told my mum I was going for sneakers…she didn’t understand me . I didn’t blame her because honestly neither did my friends. My matron practically told me “babe this is the only day u must look overly gorgeous.” So when I told her I would like the maids to as well wear sneakers…she couldn’t believe. The maids weren’t exactly comfortable. Some were okay others weren’t so we settled for heels for them.

When my gown was ready, my cousin insisted I won’t look so good with law shoes, she had dressed many brides so this was advise from an expert. I went I got 👠 and said I would wear them to church then change. But then, my heart wasn’t comfortable. After I discussed with my sister, I settled for my sneakers and it was final. So I didn’t show anyone the shoes till the last week.

I wore the heels BUT NOT to my wedding. I wore them for my traditional wedding.

Sneakers were the thing. I was too comfortable. I danced my head off. And Oh! Did I mention that my husband as well had sneakers? Yeah…..and so was my bridal shower theme.

What was the point again?

Yes it’s one day. A dream day and you must look sizzling BUT also u MUST be comfortable. You can achieve both trust me and you shall be happier. Am glad I stuck to my sneakers

I sought for a man

he came dressed like an angel
a white tunic with a pair of wings on his back
his speech tasted like cinnamon tea
and her broken self need some soothing
he strummed her to sleep every night
humming soothing hymns and telling inspirational bed time stories
he made her feel like she wasnt broken
yet he only patched a discoloured cloth everywhere she was wounded
and applied ailment on her bruises
his speech made her up
that you wouldn’t recognise her until u sat long hours over ginger tea
she learnt to tell herself she was okay
occasionally referencing to his speech

But then, How does God let such a broken human lay in hands of such a deceitful man?
did he even have a say in this or it was her will over his?
was she in a rush to feel comfortable?
was she running away from pain?
couldnt she just let time heal her?
Now she sits down outside the gate f his house. With holes all over her body,
bruises all over her skin and an arrested speech.
she doesn’t even feel worthy sitting out to tea by herself
and is ashamed of going home.

at the end, she had sought for a man,
one that would stand in the gap, love her like she is, take time to have her heal. To make up the hedge and stand in the gap that she wont be destroyed. And she found none