The Seamstress

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image from pinterest

Sowing mends the soul she said

as she continued to patch up her broken heart.

She had pieces laid on the floor maybe not all the pieces she needed,

but she was determined to repair it tonite

he stood looking down at her,

her feet sore from the pedaling

her nails bleeding from all the adjustments and needle pricks

she wasnt mad anymore.

she had all the material she needed or at least believed she did.

he placed his hand on her shoulder and said

“I will go get more fabric, that’s a beautiful piece.”

 

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Murder, She baked 14

Be careful of the things you ignore up the ladder, you might get stuck and need to return

So something happened in Frank’s office, he thinks I should join him for the press conference but he has no idea. I actually asked his new “wife” to escort him.  I agreed to meeting him at the venue but I actually befriended his “wife” i got her a befitting dress and told her we should go together. I cant wait to see the look on his face.

I know am hurting and am doing all this to hurt him back and truly it wont erase everything but maybe after this day he should know that I was his staircase up and I am breaking the pieces of wood that he will have nothing to use on return. He will land flat on his face and while that happens…..i don plan on leaving him with a penny to reboot his life. My showing up with his “wife” means he has to bargain that i shut up about his infidelity, get me money for the kids and more pocket change which i will use to pay the divorce lawyer….

Murder,She baked 13

But death shouldnt come so easily

Yesterday I sent in my resignation. I am just cheating my boss honestly. My mind is too divided. His girl moved into the guest room and am glad my kids aren’t home and yes I got the admission so i don’t need the maid. I talked to her and she will be leaving, glad i have money to clear her arrears and transport her. She was a very good maid am just so sad that she had to come while all this had started to go wrong.

I want to frustrate frank to his grave, killing him will come so easy and I cant give him that satisfaction. I want death to eat him slowly just like he has caused me pain. When love hurts, it stings and stinks. it’s no longer love,its loneliness demanding,its depression, it’s not feeling good enough for anything else. Its emptiness that makes you feel like no one else deserves to be happy just because you are not.

Since Frank has a new wife, I am going to enjoy my sleep and only make my meals and chill..Phew feels good to have a helper. she better clean the house this evening and prepare his dinner because I will be going to the movies.

Murder, she baked 12

Journal 7

Two bodies, one funeral.

I saw the therapist and I seriously need help but i cant promise i will go to my next appointment because while i finalised to move the kids (with his money) i played a role in him acquiring it, i got home only to find Frank had moved his “trip girl” and her child into my former bedroom. It’s however still my marital bedroom and his excuse is “we are just ceremonial”. What kind of sugarcane does this man smoke? Couldnt he wait for me to move the kids at least? And his mother, is in support just  because “i am no longer a wife because i don’t do the wife duties and as a man he needs to feel like one” What nonsense is this.  I felt like slapping her but i still respect her a little. Tomorrow both families are going to seat to try settle us but i wonder where they were when everything was still raw and i was trying to tell them while they said “Omukyala aguma”

Now I have to kill 2 humans just to make sure no one takes things that belong to me (so help me God) Did i say God? didn’t that guy leave me alone already?… Now 2 women in the same compound, one a young girl who thinks she will be happier here. She better hire her own maid because am going to fire mine and also resign from work, i cant focus even at the job that should pay my bills so before am fired….

Murder,She baked 11

Journal 6

I think I am losing my mind and need to see a therapist. I went to my son,s class days and half the time i was lost in thoughts. I notice i am also rude lately and my children are becoming afraid of me. I really think boarding school will do them good as i get myself together.

But, why wasnt I told that marriage isn’t beds and roses but so Vodka and weed too?. My son seems very frightened he is even more silent, i wonder if his sister is getting same reaction. She is still so young and honestly i havent paid so much attention to her. I am going to schedule an appointment today before i completely run mad. I can’t pray anymore because it feels like God left long time yet i sought him diligently ll those years but also he allowed all this into my life.  look at the price i have got to pay for loving and sitting in a marriage so bad because i just cant leave.

Tomorrow I need to see a therapist and also work on taking the schools to boarding school in Nairobi but….. Frank must pay for this.

Murder, she baked 10

Journal 5

I wonder if all those women with kids are coming to move in and share everything i worked hard for while they enjoyed luxuries of hotels…

I need to eliminate frank and its got to be as smooth as no elimination has ever been. Maybe it should look like a political brawl but not so quick. Lets wait for his girl to move in. Am going to take the kids to Turi in Nairobi and make sure they stay out of the country for the rest of their lives. I  know of a slow killing poison.

Yes I am going to eliminate both because the lawyer told me he talked to him about dividing all the property and giving his mistresses who i don’t even think are entitled to it and despite the lawyers advise he insists. Well lets work on Turi first.

Murder, she baked -9

Journal – 4

So today his trip girl calls me and tells me she gives me a month for me to move out because she cant raise her child in a rental! But who bewitches these women? Does she know how many bricks i laid on this foundation?

I asked Frank and he had the guts to tell me she is also entittled to the house because she has his kid. But what does this man take me for? Has he forgotten that i keep all the paper work in this house? I need to get myself a lawyer so quick and i will make sure he is left with nothing but a driving permit.

Oh! i forgot, he is a public figure, he can manipulate anything…i need to think fast or i will be left on the streets with my kids. but also he doesnt know that in these few years of marriage i had bought some land on my own and built apartments he doesnt know about, that is a start. But i must fight I cant be stepped on and wasted like this.

This man is driving me crazy, So help me God

Murder, she baked 8

His touch still haunts my day dreams.

Journal 3

I can still feel the cold blood aligning my thighs. The way I shed skin, the way i sat after his awful act. I was (i am) his wife, the one he cheated on several times and raped just because i denied him sex. He said it was his right to have it so he took it by force, i wonder if he ever questioned my rights when he cheated on me. I look at him at the table while we have breakfast and the flash backs can’t stop.

Lord! I want to dig my fork into his throat as he swallows. Did the women get attracted to his deep force or this Adam apple? Was it the power and Fame that came along the way?. I can’t believe i still went silent and kept all this hurt in me. Does he feel guilty after that night or he just about getting whatever he wants no matter how? I wonder if he has raped others just like me. What kind of monster did i get involved with that he has turned me into a cold blood. I thirst for his blood and each time i get disappointing news about him (Okay nothing really surprises me anymore) but at every news about another cheat i want to stab him. He doesn’t learn.

I should leave before I find myself in jail. But how? After children and building all this with him, putting up with all the fame and stupidity, staying by him when he was nothing? How do i leave all the things i have worked for,for his whores (for the women he thought were better than i was) Yet they only met him after he became a house hold name……No, Way!!!

Murder,She baked 7

Has love ever felt uncomfortable that you can’t settle in one place?

Journal 2:

I thought he would learn from his mistakes but looks like he learnt nothing. His “Trip girl” the one that had audacity to call me,yes that one. I think she was the life of his life and I was just the other option that wanted to settle while she just enjoyed eating and traveling. She wasnt interested in making babies i guess. Anyway she is still very present. He thinks i don’t know but i see him when he seats down in the living room and opens his emails. He reads mails from her like he is reading newspaper articles of himself. I wonder if his clothes still fit because i realise my prescence bothers him but he cant displace me.

They could have changed thea schedule but that isn’t my problem now especially because we are only married for the public eye. I went silent and decided to work my life but somehow he still doesn’t learn. If I were him, I would try behave to make amends especially if i have a reputation to keep.

Celine and Mark have no idea we are fighting and I would love to keep it that way, Sometimes Mark asks, but as much as it hurts, I don’t mind putting up an act in front of the kids just to protect them. Maybe one day they will find out.

Murder, she baked 6

When i got married, i didnt envision this kind of marriage. As a kid i envisoned a cinderella story and the christian in me didnt believe in divorce until this day. I know he wont allow. The mayor is that adamant but this marriage is going to kill me and yet am the innocent one. Am going to kill Frank, I will explain to God later.

Murder, she baked. Journal 1

Since no one believes me or thinks am suffocating. Its been a year since Naki gave birth. She gave him a son and i know he now sees her ofter. And Becky hasnt left the picture. I think she is due soon. And then that other girl that he takes on trips. I am living in a huge castle and i dont even know the last time we lived as husband and wife in private. We have managed to keep the public image of a beautiful couple. We hold hands and smile. Does the world know that two weeks after i collapsed he raped me because i denied him sex?.  But well, if my own mother doesnt believe me, how will the public believe me when they see a whole different picture. I only work and live for my children. The maid takes care of all his needs and everyday am worried that she will be his next victim. I wanted to take the kids to boarding school far away from all the drama but they are my only joy and hope. The reason depression hasnt killed me yet. I talked to my matron about it and as much as she doesnt think i should leave my marriage she supports boarding school.

I have thought of boarding school in nairobi but my babies are still very little. Lets give it a couple of other years. i hope Frank wont have killed me then.