That friday evening as i slopped back home,she told me you had been admitted. Even though we call her a drunko, I sensed fear in her tone and she was actually acared because unlike the other days she was back with the next five minutes. It was the inviting news before i could even say hello to dad (anyways he never waits for a greetin when he has something to say). My heart skipped though i gathered strength to say u shall be fine and if you don’t we let you rest in the Realms of heaven. I entered my room and said a short prayer like my spiritual father always teaches but my spirit was sure you wouldn’t make it and the voice in my head was loud ‘let her rest’. Why did i take long to accept or have it sink in? I recall telling him. ‘Tonight i will switch off my phone because i don’t want people messing with sleep’. It was only an excuse i created because i actually didnt want to accept.

Is this how writers mourn?

Rwozzi woke me up as early as six when the bad news was announced but in denial of wanting it to sink,i grumbled about why he had to wake me up. My day was okay until the lovely human you gave birth to, my mother showed up from the corner of the compound and as i stood to welcome her, I actually hugged a broken woman who wouldnt hold her tears. I teared with her not because you were gone but because my mother was broken and all the lamenting she did left me helpless.  When dawn broke and the house was now full, i looked out for your favourite hymns and sang with my cousins just hoping i would hear your voice join in as usual and i would laugh at you trying to catch your breath yet appreciate the lover of christ you are but i got no response. I kept on going hoping maybe you were asleep and would wake up when you hear us so i raised my voice but no, u didnt show up. Mukya u let me worship alone!. After dinner as everyone looked for where they could lay down i went to my room that we have always shared just to make sure i catch some sleep. In my bed with your other two grand daughters we lay and chat and nobody slept on the other bed (the one you always slept on) and before i knew i was talking to myself because sleep had stolen them. I turned to your empty bed this time full of bags and it when it hit me. All these people are gathered here because you are gone. I couldn’t hold back the loud cry my dear, I walked through to the sitting room carefully with all these people laying down i was floored. I couldnt explain what i felt by speech but i knew i was broken.

Is this how writer’s grieve?

So, I went to see Sheka (as you foundly called him) at school and when i couldnt get myself to break the news of your passing to him is when i realised how messy i was. I actually do not recall ever breaking it to any individual unless through my posts of celebrating your life. All i could do when he asked about you because he left you home was show him pictures of the funeral. I havent accepted your passing but i have accepted the fact that you are not with me.(i dnt knw what sense that is). I am lost in this. I cant find myself. I still cry, I still call you, I still talk about you like you are next door. But I am still so lost Mukya my darling grandma. But today allow me, I know it wont be easy get myself together easily, I might still write and cry but allow me today say Fare thee well Grandma (i ve said this before though). Till we meet again in the realms of heaven. If this is how writers grieve then allow me grieve till i heal.


Was goin through a few of my pieces and this got me thinking.

i cant wait for next week to let you into my head.

New: Love – ing you ft KadaliBlog

Random responses to @Josh Agaba

Unsaid Feelings

Introducing the amazing poet at KadaliBlog.


Me: “When the sun don’t shine
Can I be your shine?

When the lights are low
Will you let me hold your hand?

When everything don’t make sense,
And in times when the storm is too heavy,
Will you let my embrace be enough for you?

My ears will always be open to hear all your doubts.

Will my lips be enough to remind you of those things we always dreamed of together?

Will my eyes be enough for both of us when yours are heavy with tears?

When your heart’s heavy, will you remember that it has a home on my shoulder?”

Every time you say, ‘I Love You’, your eyes keep asking me these and many more questions. And in that moment I know. I just know you will always be here with me!

I have no choice but to say, ‘Yes…

View original post 372 more words

U have my Attention

You caught my attention.

With the sparkle in your eyes,

the joy in your smile,

did i mention you have a vibrant smile?

And then you decided to walk with me.

Even when i still prefered to walk alone.

You held my hand and i still pulled away,

shared my tears and i still called you a joker.

I was hesitant, you pulled away.

The joy in you smile faded,

but i still paid no attention


the sparkle in your eyes is no more,

the warmth of your laughter is gone,

my ink is dry,

you are radio silent,

my art, very abstract.

I can’t forever live in fear.

I have dodged,

I have danced around in circles. but now…

My eyes are fixed on you

Your taste is my attention.

Not my Novel fantasies,

I am off my writing and paint boards

You have my Attention

#Puzzled thoughts

My heart with fear

I cant seem to see myself better

My knees weaken

yet i can’t tilt my cup as yet.

My thoughts!

A lettered alter ego of what they used to be.

My knees have  collected dust from hours of kneeling through prayer.

Rythms of my heartbeat vs my heartache.

Melodies in my heads fade.

my heart aint fickle,

its like whispers of the sea.

Iam burning, Iam waiting for a sign


Tear the Veil that covers my eyes.

lift me up and make me lay down.

the passion in your eyes,

ignites a fear in my heart.

Its Tonite baby, tonite.

I bow my eyes with pride,

my mind lingers,

Yes, am scared but,

the sparkle in you eyes has consumed me.

The fire in you touch blinds me with smoke,

I am burning on the inside

yet cold on the outside.

*whispers….Take me down, take me down.

My fear lays over me like thousands of men

your touch, comforts me. its magical.

Finale.Letters to my p****

Like roses in the garden I will forever be

I do not know how I smell

But I promise it won’t be foul like jackfruit

Or pounded yam with beans

But like strawberries,

Better still, chocolate.

Lubricating creams will only make me old

Allow me use my own

I am not dry and cracked like you think

I’ve something left

Just make sure you eat right

Forget about the Guinness bottle

Let me blossom

And like a flower water me

I will grow into beauty you have never seen

Like a bouquet of red roses I will compliment you

Like sunflower I will light your face like a smile

And like the Nile I will never stop flowing.

My twins danced

Before my lover

My waist was shaking

His arms rejected the pillow

But preferred the waist of his lover

Not because it was so soft

I sang sweetly in the arena

And that was never my making

Letters to my P***8 Pt 37

I forgive you my dear friend

For your ignorance and selfishness

Like an employee can’t make company rules

But the boss thinks of the company’s progress

Am glad you came around

Realized how much I hurt

How tirelessly I worked

But my salary never grew fat

My accounts just kept the same

Am glad you realized.

I forgive you and will not let you down

If your keep your promises

Then lets make this home

Tell our story and wait on our husband.

We need not the bath soaps and local herbs

Not even feminine to get me fresh