Paint me #APoemAdayValentine

You painted my Heart,

With a new and bold colour.

From you, i know men cry

and i also know tears have colour.

You painted my smile,

With warmth and tainted it with beauty.

You made me more concerned with my life

When the world was concerned with my life style.

You brought me light and made sure it was bright.

You smoked the blood petals and scented them with honey.

You painted my dreams, my world, my life,

Not just Red but Pink,yellow,white.

you gave me love,Gratitude, friendship & new starts.

You painted a rainbow within me.

 

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Relationships, Soaps, Sextapes…..

Relationships, soaps, sextapes….

This is not a debate Ugandans should be having honestly. these have become songs like there is nothing more developmental to discuss. The book of proverbs states that where there is no vision people perish and clearly since the vision is blur many of us have failed to notice the destruction. (truth is i avoided saying a thing about this topic till now).

I am very disappointed in media who very well know they shape society to be the lead distributors of this rubbish. They have given it the forum to keep ciculating like they have no news to talk about. As much as we live in an obscene life, it doesnt have to become an order of day to give a raised platform to things that bring pity, well sometimes i am forced to question the brains of editors in news roo. I know that kind of news is on demand but my question is ‘Doesnt it ever get outdated, does it have to run year through, is it of much importance to keep in news?’

We all know these things exist wat makes famous people different is because they are in the public eye. Its like prosititution or fornication but as much as ts preached against, its not burried in our faces and nobody is pretending and talking about these. People should style up especially Men who redicule women. you shou style up. Its not women’s fault that culture dictates certain things in our lives and that doesnt make us less human.  Men are also victims here but if they think exposing such privacy makes them more of men than human then i pray it never catches up with them.

Stop people from doing what satifies them is like telling a goat to stop eating grass. If i love soaps, thats my business do not judge me for that, if sextapes are something women enjoy to make then i donot know how that becomes a state address debate. Its not like its gay sex so its bizzare, they make them with men who they trust enough to keep there privacy and thes donkeys disappoint them like it will make them more of men. I stand to be corrected but you become as used as the woman my dear even when yo peers support you just know behind your back they are wondering how one can walk around with a head but no brain…

Note: If you want to comment and have a pumpkin for a head, i beg do not bother. When i want your opinion i shall borrow your brain.

Letters to my P**** Pt 28

Remember when we went to Peter’s place

I was determined just to get money for saloon

Not to have him look at you at any one time

And there you were contracting and expanding

Like a goat in labour

You were all so wet like you had not seen a needle before

 

Look at who is calling me a goat in labour

Who got you the dress you wore to dinner yesterday

Or all that jewellery

I have not even got a single cloth since you started

Maybe of late when you apologised

Who helped you get money to pay rent you ingrate

And your medical bills when you aborted

You shouldn’t be speaking because I play a great role in your life

 

So what exactly did you want to get?

You’re as small as a cockroach

What kind of cloth do you want?

Lingerie? Atleast I got to cover you

When I am going to peter, fred and all the others

I have promised to do better.

In marriage, if you keep your promise

And the feminine soap remember?

The one that makes you feel fresh

Tighter and more beautiful than I ever made you

The one that gets all them dudes searching for you under my pants

The one that gets then men want to lick you dry

Clean you up for all your gels

The one that gives you scent

So remember, my dear pussy

A lady without scent is undefineable

So my princess atleast appreciate that

Because you have no idea how much I spent

Trying to beautify you

 

Letters to my p**** Pt 29

That’s not enough little girl

Had you kept me intact till the right man came along

You wouldn’t be pleading with me

You wouldn’t be so worried about what would happen on your honeymoon

So don’t sit there and tell me nothing

I would be more definable with my natural scent

More appreciated

I have no clue why am talking to you

But I think you wouldn’t have spent on herbs en feminine

Just to get me smell good because that was naturally given

You only spoilt it with your selfishness

 

Go visit the bush

Or have mutilation if tradition demands?

 

Bush?

Mutilation?

All those are very painful.

I cannot subject the lips that cause you warmth to pain

They are meant for pleasure and warmth

Mutilation will only cause you pain

Each time I lay with my husband it will feel like circumcision

As much as its culture

I promise to protect you

Visit the bush.

As much as it hurts I will do my best

Fears on my Sleeve

 I wear my fears under my make up

(its where its not often on my face)

I wear my pain with my heels

(because i command attention and feel beautiful)

I am like many girls my age,

while some prefer to cry their pain out and drink their fears,

I prefer to write out my pain, knee mail my fears and Dance my frustration and depression.

I fear the distance i have to walk its why i prefer to fly.

I fear to be delayed.

(actually i refuse to be delayed cz am not a child of terah)

I fear delay of my dreams, delay of my desires

I fear giving up, I fear holding on,

I fear waking up tomorow know yesterdays dream wasnt accomplished in its time.

(yes because it slows me down)
It frustrates me

I fear getting married old because i want to be young and vibrant when it happens

I fear i wont be able to stay 50yrs in marriage

Coz i fear outgrowing each other, i fear failure.

I fear being desperate because it makes me it cake faster than my heart pumps blood

I fear my STRENGTH AND PATIENCE

(do not open yo eyes)

Its a virtue but i fear the day i shall wake up and i cannot be strong no more and my patience was taken for granted

I fear that i shall not build my teenage dreams in time enough to be inspired by them.

U all inspire me mayb just like i inspire u

but deep inside me lies a little girl with fears
who has only known one way to survive is have faith, pray and keep hope.

I fear not being able to get all my dreams together within my time.
And oh! this thing disturbs me, confuses me and fustrates me

I fear not being able to bring up my children like i dream

i fear i fear i fear.

The only thing i dont fear is thinking that God is by my side.

I fear not being understood.

I fear not being appreciated.

I fear losing love

I fear that the day i wont be able to find a pen, a pc or notebook to write will be the end of me

I fear the day my strength will fail me i LOATHE the day i will crash

I don’t think i shall be able to get up from it yet if i do i won’t be the same

I woke up with all these fears today

and i just realized how scared the little girl in me is,

She has grown into a coward

 I fear i fear i fear.

 

Maneuver

Unsaid Feelings

I stare out in the blankness,
My soul a hollow travesty.
No remedy.
No anchor.

I hang onto none but the words.
Of sonnets before my time.
Savor them all.
Rousing the belly of my mind.
I hold on.

This fight so tedious,
My body almost gives way.
My mind the fighter.
My soul the damsel in distress.
I hope to maneuver.

© 2015 joshagaba.wordpress.com

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TORN

I feel like I have heard her voice in your laughter

I start to wonder if I ever truly existed

even when loving you was the only thing I knew well to do

It only got me wounds after I ripped every last bit of you from my heart.

I do not even know if you ever existed because

Day to day I stood alone like an electric pole awaiting wiring

I was single yet married I didn’t even have a trace of a wedding ring on my finger

A twin yet an only child

not even a scar to remind me I was a Siamese twin maybe

every memory of you remained invisible

right from when we fell in love,

I was torn.

Its then that everything ceased to make sense

and my small world stood still.

I had the sky lay over me like thousands of men.

I was robbed, floored and torn.

#APoemAday

Exactly 31

Dear L,

Did you know I wasn’t her, that I was still wounded and was in a relationship with pain? That you wore patience like a silhouette and left the rest to fate and You wore courage of a hunter patiently waiting for me to come through

i was just another girl who didn’t necessarily write down on a piece of paper qualities of my Hosea, but instead wrote down qualities of the kind of woman I desired to be and memorized the man I wanted to have.    So daily I went down on my knees to pray for that man. I fought with my fears but like the prosititute that washed God’s feet.  But when you came, you discovered me and defined me. I wasn’t yet the woman I had planned to be for my Hosea but when you came, in you I saw the man preached in 1 Timothy 1:5 my spirit wasn’t at rest because 31 to be exact in me was lagging. I tried to be Hannah but I can’t deny that sometime the Delilah in me was so awake that she waved me off my path.

thank you for not giving up on me. Thank you for accepting to age with me. I wouldn’t have lived to see my Esther grow to be 31exact.

letters

Dear L,

When i first saw you, you bore the innocence of Kate, the wit of Sera and the allore of Alex. I stayed up every night wishing you would call and slowly sleep would carry me away even before i went down on my knees to say a little prayer. I staggered up late nights just to check if just maybe i had missed your call but my heart would sink each time and thats when i would remember to thank God for keeping me alive. Slowly i would slip back to my world of fantacies and wait for the morning to break. I learnt to leave on my own even when the attraction i had towards you turned me into a coward. I learnt to walk alone even when it was hard to let go of the spoiling you gave me.  I held unto every little memories i had knowing you wouldnt come back soon, i grew up.Everyday i felt like i walked into the Realm of heaven knowing i have you by my side daily.

Now that i know you, my bones are with fire, my heart feels like a slippery glass. I am afraid to say i cant make meaning of my life anymore yet i refuse to give away myself esteem. My pride soars so high to let anyone crush it.  Do not hold my heart in your palms for long if you will not be able to hold t for long. I pray you return it before you crush it. Do not hold it till it breaks becasue once a glass breaks reparing it will never make it look as good as the old verson but a new will give it a better look. when the time simply give me room to get a better handler.  Do not hold it carelessly either, take care of it like it were your own and whenever you tired.

Remember its a heart not a ball. I am human not a drum. I love to dance but i am no dancer so i might not necessarily follow your bits if i can make mine. Now that we have Known each other,  may you have the selflessness of Joseph, the patience of Hannah and the Honesty of Moses.