SILENT WHISPERS 1

It was another song with no vocalists

lyrics with no voices

unseen performances on the stage of life where she had been dead so long

outside her house she held her head high

on the inside of the four wall she bowed her head in disgust

she closed her eyes in pain

but her smile screaming on the outside of her house

she rested her head against her knees

and imagined how she would feel forever with him

she raised her eyes at the portrait of him, with so much passion.

papers rustle and crinkle in her palms as she fold it

tears run down her face like rain drops from the top roof

the emptiness in her heart,

the desire  in her eyes,

not even a single echo bounced back from her mummers .

her soul grieves

the smell of fury surrounds her like smoke

though you can hardly hear her breathe.

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LETTERS TO MY P**** Pt 20-23

Am apologizing today
For having blamed you
Even when you had no control
For having strongly believed
It was your fault
I promise it won’t happen again
I was young and effortless then
I couldn’t defend you
But now that I have gained some weight
Grown to understand it was not our fault
I have learnt to defend you jealously
I thought you had let me down
Betrayed me
I almost under went mutilation,
None the less commit suicide
I never believed in the blood you shed
I mean every month the womb does so
I never believed in the pain
But today I say am so sorry.
21
Just before I forget
When I was very little
I published you
I always put you out for everyone to see
Dressed you in cheap knickers.
That I won’t call them lingerie
I will call me knickers
“Tajiri” they were known by many
They never grew old
Even when they lost their elasticity.
Woven they were
In a material similar to sisal
Hard and skin ripping
Am sorry for having put you through this
These knickers were my best then
It’s why I never changed them for years
But as I grew
I realized the risk I put you to
But you still never left
You have sunk under all difficulties
Even to those of not wiping you
After a short call, I ran off
To the sand sat.
I was a pathetic lover
Please accept my apologies
I was ignorant
I didn’t know how to take care of you then
How silly being a child is!
Yet so enjoyable.
22

When I grew up
May be am still trying to grow up
But again it was no excuse
For me to trade you
It was never my intention
But my friends influenced me
Especially when they used you for the same “things”
That I used you for
But this time round, they earned
They were paid.
Questions in my head ran,
Why do I open my legs to no pay?
Yet I can with lots of pay
It never had any emotion attachment
23
Because I never asked names
Yes…..
I never asked names of all the influential men
I knew they were big in government
But I had a boyfriend
That I was so attached to
That just gave you out to for no cost
Not because he couldn’t pay
Not because I loved him.
With the rest I didn’t have to have an attachment
Some were harsh,
They went down on you like hungry dogs
Others were soft and tender
But it was all my campus life
I didn’t come from a poor background
But something strange inside gave me force
The urge to look and smell good
To be a fierce rich girl on campus
Of course my family didn’t know
But you my dear friend did
And still never let me down
I was never scared of offering you
But lived with fear of pain
Pain from wounds caused by the men
So many things have happened in my life
But you’re my best secret keeper.

I MET MAN finale

I met a man…
That courted me all my life
Loved me selflessly yet selfishly
He was jealous yet desirous
He was an amazing counselor
Loving friend, good listener and confidant
That loved me like Abraham loved Sera
It was the best time of my life
A day I recall like it was yesterday.
When he held me close to his heart.
I have never felt so much alive.
My joy is priceless,
I stood with my arms high and abandoned
I stood in awe for the man who gave it all

I met a man
Whose love brings me to my knees,
Who I await like watch men wait for the morning
I am his private garden,
And I am his is lifetime assignment.
The man is CHRIST.

I MET A MAN 7

I met a man.
That I knew all my life and never paid attention to.
That adored me but I brushed him off.
That hasn’t only died for me but gave his life too.

A hardness in his voice hardly hurt,
But when he held my heart
And made me hate being alive,
Nothing ever hurt that much.
He didn’t only take away my troubles
Nor my temptations but gave me grace
He held my world and my dreams
Searched my heart and understood me
And for what it was worth,
He led me down the aisle
Where I was bought when love was slain
on his knees with a smile as wealthy as the heavens
He proposed again
Asking me to walk besides him all our lives
My heart was over joyed,
Tears rolled down my face behind veil
I gave him my hand and my heart
And allowed to walk daily with him
And on his knees he said his vows
Never to leave my side even in death
His promises were too good to be true
The price he paid for my blemish and wrinkle,
Was love that was slayed.

I MET A MAN 6

May be I look forward to the vows
The ring you will lay on my finger
The promises of an ending love
When am dressed in that wedding gown
Whiter than snow
I already asked my father
To help me with my dances
For soon the ball will be here
And before I know it
I will be at rest in my prince’s castle
Where I will have my bed laid
And will light my bathroom with scented candles
Pick roses from the garden
Smoke fresh petals for my prince
And lay besides him all my life
This letter is not to sing praises or
Build out my dreams
Am writing a confession
Of My love for you, an only love
My profound love
I did not dream of falling in love
But since it happens once
I wish to embrace it with joy
And share it with you my love
I have never needed a prince charming
But this wooden house is my castle
Where I will lay with my love
Make love to me all night
Pour honey down my neck
Lick it down my hardened nipples
And may the birds of the morning
Make melody as I wake up in your arms
May we have the sweet breeze kiss our skin?
This letter my love
Is not to ask you to be
But to let you know you are
The love I have chosen to lead me down the aisle
My headlines read
“Married to a high school sweetheart
Childhood crush, five year lover
And a best friend forever”
But no one understood
That he stalked me from conception
Designed my future with him
Even before I knew myself
Watched me take my first step
I grew and fell in love
With a totally different man
Who then I believed was my world
He still waited on me
And here we are again.

LETTERS TO MY P**** Pt 18 &19

One thing about life is,
If it doesn’t fuck you today
Tomorrow is always their
So my love I will not promise a bed of roses,
Silk bed sheets,
Scented candles,
Because I cannot afford all that.
But I can afford loving you and
Making you the lady every man would desire.
But I cannot promise the lights will not be off
and not all decisions are mine to make,
Sometimes the men decide.
When u want it soft and tender
He wants it rough and hard
When you want the lights on,
He prefers they are off

19
That night of the rape
I could hear the voice of the wind
My body was cold and lonely
Cold blood ran through my veins
Warm tears down my cheeks
My lips shivering
I felt the cold blood against my skin
Flowing down my legs like a stream
I heard the voice of the trees
They spoke to me in misery
Swayed in sorrow
Am not sure they knew
But the pain I felt was mental
I know, you were in pain
But that same pain became physiological for me
I hate you so much
I wished you would speak
I hated the fact that you never hid
Had you been true human
That I would speak and you respond
I was going to ask you to run
So I would suffer the pain alone
I felt like I failed you
My guilt grew into spite.
I knew you were hurt
But I was disappointed as well
The night grew old on me
I didn’t want to be part of the light anymore
My world had darkened
I could see my future no more
I believed the end had come
As days went by and nights passed,
And finally your healing came
My hope for tomorrow awoke
That’s how you gave me hope
I live again because of you.

I MET A MAN 5

Am writing this letter to my love
Not to remind you simply of our first days
But to tell you what it felt like
I had never felt like this
I had been broken and crushed
I stopped trusting
I gave up on love
But when you came
I was not just relieved
But I felt whole and alive again
Before you my Boaz,
I’ve met Judas, Simon peter, Eliphaz
And have met the devil like Job
But can’t say I was strong like he was

But of the evenings we shared at the beach
Of the mornings you stole a kiss
Of the late night phone calls
It’s not a letter asking for it to all stop
But one requesting for more
Waking up to a warm smile
Going through the day knowing you think about me
Thoughts of each other even when we are far
This letter is to ask that no distance puts us a part
Going to bed assured of great warmth
A great hug
Sleeping to the sound of your heart bit
Wow! I can’t wait to lie at your chest
Make my bed for that special night
The night I will have you to myself
And become yours wholly

I MET A MAN 4

He ordered a few soft drinks
I wasn’t sure I wanted to eat
I wasn’t hungry, neither was I satisfied
He calmly asked questions about me
Tried to know me as
The night walked by.
The stars en moon bright lit the sky
Every flash of his smile lit the table
Soon I was easy and calm
I freely spoke and laughed
Ooh! He was such a charmer
Had a good sense of humor
And spoke with a lot of intelligence
God! I met a man
He was my Boaz
That I had patiently waited for.
The night became cold
The sky became dark,
He offered his jacket
And a ride back home
He walked with me to his car
Opened the car door for me
After I sat, he turned around to take the wheel
It felt so not true
I mean it was too good to be true
Was I still living in my dream?
After he sat
He looked at me
I stared back right into his eyes.
He didn’t want to kiss me, but asked,
“Why is there sadness in your eyes?”
For two years not even my friends noticed
Nor my mother to whom I was most close
My eyes sadly dropped
My excited heart sunk
They say
Only real friends and loved ones
Can see the pain in your eyes
While all the rest
Believe in the smile you wear
I didn’t open up to him
He was still a stranger
And he did not push it either
He drove me home.

FEARS

I wear my fears under my make up
(its where its not often on my face)
I wear my pain with my heels
(because i command attention and feel beautiful)
I am like many girls my age
while some prefer to cry their pain out and drink their fears
I prefer to write out my pain, knee mail my fears and Dance my frustration and depression
I fear the distance i have to walk its why i prefer to fly
I fear to be delayed
(actually i refuse to be delayed cz am not a child of tera)
I fear delay of my dreams
delay of my desires
I fear giving up
I fear holding on
I fear waking up tomorow know yesterdays dream wasnt accomplished in its time
(yes because it slows me down)
it frustrates me
I fear getting married old i want to be young and vibrant when it happens
I fear i wont be able to stay 50yrs in marriage
cz i fear outgrowing each other, i fear failure
I fear being desperate because it makes me it cake faster than my heart pumps blood
I fear my STRENGTH AND PATIENCE
(do not open yo eyes)
Its a virtue but i fear the day i shall wake up and i cannot be strong no more and my patience was taken for granted
I fear that i shall not build my teens home in time
to inspire them and speak to them
U all inspire me mayb just like i inspire u
but dee inside me lies a little girl with fears
who has only known one way to survive is have faith pray and keep hope
I fear not being able to get all my dreams togehter within my time
and oh this thing disturbs me confuses me and fustrates me
I fear not being able to bring up my children like i dream
I fear i fear i fear
The only thing i dont fear is God because he shall never leave me no matter
I fear not being understood
I fear not being appreciated
I fear losing love
I fear that the day i wont be able to find a pen a pc or notebook to write will be the end of me
I fear the day my strength will fail me i LOATHE the day i will crash
I dnt think i shall be able to get up from it yet if i do i wont be the same
I woke up with all these fears today
and i just realized how scared the little girl in me is
I fear i fear i fear

I MET A MAN 3

(what that fast, which girl goes to a date so fast)

I was ready to know him
I picked up my purse
Called for a cab
And left for the venue
I wasn’t even sure I heard the place right
I sat and waited
Fingers crossed
Hoping it was the right meeting spot
Minutes passed and there was no sight of him
I panicked again
I waiter came to my rescue
He had sat at a corner
Watched me enter
And took notice of all I did as I waited
I was directed to his table
Where he stood up to receive me
Pulled out a chair for me
And sat after me
Honestly I wasn’t sure men still behaved this way
In this era and time
He pulls out a chair for you?

( Am also wondering, omg this guy had game aaaaah 1st day of vibing a woman I mean)