#PUZZLED LINES…

It wasn’t me,

I didn’t understand my thoughts but I loved you, 

Under this dark cold sky I sit.

Watching this flickering sky ,

I await the rain.

To cover me, maybe wash away my thoughts

My brain floods.

How, how did they get here?

I should embrace you?

And then what?

I smile to the heavens 

They whisper, it is well.

Alone, on this hill I did rather sit, and talk to Myself and you.

In this windy, little heaven of mine.

I find solace.

Advertisements

Virginity Pledge Broken More Often than Condoms #Twefugge #EndTeenagePregnancy

My first knowledge about contraception was in my first  at the university. At a period where most of us have had our virginity pledges broken more often than condoms. I had escorted a friend to hospital and i do not recall how the topic came up because she was doing a monitoring for her internal organs. “My wife and I have spent 5 years with no child,” the doctor started. ‘I used to encourage her to take progesterone-pill while at campus however we had no knowledge of the things we needed to know , her body reaction, how often and for what kind of emergency but it was a quicker option and almost every girl talked about it.’ Our jaws dropped. But well he took us through all the types of contraceptives how they worked so we were left to determine what works for us. condoms, caps, implants, injections, IUDs, moon beads,progesterone-pill,Virgina ring, diaphragms, withdraw method…(name it).

Apart from condoms and pills i had no idea bout the rest. I wasn’t even sure about pills because there many brands and i had never used them. After this lesson, I opted for the withdraw (Don’t open your mouth in awe). I found it safer because of views well known to me. Then later i realized i could Abstain (anha! i see you twisting your mouth,see, we all work differently). But well yes i also recall the being faithful part so testing for HIV,STDs and the rest is a must if we must. Condoms too were an option but hmm not much. (I am no devil, am like the rest of you with demons in your closets. And yes i repeat now am better off abstaining.)

Well, when i returned to my hostel room, i wondered why we are not taught this earlier, why some things like contraception are embarrassing to buy at sixteen, why society think you are wasted when you openly pick up condoms from a supermarket? A friend of mine once told me that the teller girl would look at him like “Are you sure you are going to use these or?”. When a teenager gets pregnant even the doctors want to question her. It feels like a bishop saying ‘church isn’t a house for saints and when you get pregnant and not married in church you are shunned ashamed and pushed out of the congregation. Ironic?.

If at puberty all these things are brought to my attention like it was back in the days when our mothers were married off at 16years of age, we would be safe. Although, that generation of our mothers had little knowledge on family planning, teenage mothers were well attended to. The stigma wasn’t as real as it is now. People in society had a heart.(our generation has hearts but the other heart, hmm). In an era where virginity breaks more often than condoms, a lot of unexplained information at display, very busy parents, i think Sex education should be added to the syllabus. Yes, even for the boys, they are actually more ignorant than the girls not because they do not care, but society dictated their ignorance after all the evidence they carry isn’t as visible as for the girls…Boys pay attention. When she is pregnant, she aint alone, you carry with her.

Every pregnant Teenager first thinks “mum is gonna kill me!” Instead of “I need to tell mum”

We fail at understanding them, offering assistance and loving them, Listening to them and maybe if certain things were told earlier just maybe…

Stay Safe.Be Steady!

 

 

THE DARKNESS OF MY SOLACE

bab5bafa3c8736e3b28ecbdd8cdf300eI do not recall what hurting feels like.

I guess I have been their way to long

that I do not know if am hurting or just silent.

But in the darkness of my solace,

He turned my heart into a cathedral.

My Amen was said by eyelids closing with tears of hurt,

then he lifted them with a song that melted my heart.

He was supposed to lead me,

but my darkness felt so normal

I didn’t think light was more comforting

My Adam, my Christ!

In the darkness of my Solace,

I was still the woman who bore his vision,

even when the church abbey felt narrow

and the hallway of my heart returned echoes,

Of songs i didn’t make meaning of yet i sang,

Of ruined mascara from the endless streams of tears following

I was his Eve, Esther Mostly

A love made perfect.

 

Ten Resolutions That will Change Your Life

thelovemanifesto

1). Leave your home and travel the world

2). Do nothing half-heartedly

3). Stop wasting time on social media and YouTube

4). Create something new everyday

5). Stop being merely a consumer. Give back to society

6). Live outside of your comfort zone every single day. Stop making choices based on fear

7). Cut your monthly living expenses in half and become debt free

8). Question absolutely everything. Seek the truth

9). Make being healthy a lifestyle. Permanently. Try vegetarian for at least a month. Improve your cardio. Workout outside of the gym

10). Become 50% self sufficient by 2016

View original post

Speak Out! #EndTeenPregnancy #Twefugge.

I was raised to fear my Vagina and discussing sexuality openly was a taboo in my community. Besides what school taught me and what i shared with my peers,my curousity was on a discovery spree about how certain things work. Maybe i was  lucky unlike other children i knew in my area that became mothers at a teenage age. Probably its because my mother was strict or my curiosity bore a fear of certain practices. Maybe its because i was raised i sunday school and was afraid of angering God.

Teenage pregnancies and early marriages are what happen in my community on a daily. i Do not want to blame poverty or religion, i would rather blame it on ignorance and negligence. Some of my playmates died trying to abort while many got married (i don’t recall being invited to any Kwanjula or wedding) but the moment they disappeared and i argued its boarding school, i would later meet them worn out and heavily pregnant or carrying a child.

My mother is the woman counselor, so while we discuss i tell her ‘I am glad i found a best friend in you’. We talk about everything and anything and that is because my curiosity didn’t draw me to better people because i was raised amongst so many boys.’ I was not taught or told every thing by my mother, maybe because she was shy but she always pushed me to a friend who didn’t mind answering all my questions. I wondered why most parents didn’t have this relationship with their parents, i wondered why sex was a bedroom discussion, why marriage was only told and taught to those that were getting married! I simply wanted to know everything and i was glad i did earlier. It helped me question my every move. I followed my mother’s footsteps so i engaged in talking to teens. (i love listening to these guys especially if you make it easy for them to open up, you will be amazed by how much they know). Well, i met a Moslem girl during one of the school visits. she was sad she was told it would be her last term in school yet her father had lots of money to sustain them through school. i was perplexed. i asked her if they were many but she said he was the kind of man that married one wife and they were just five children and she was the first. she went further to explain and it was clear that the parents had an idea about family planning so even the child spacing was on point. However, her mother was married off to her dad at a tender age too thou not as tender as hers. she was a bit educated unlike her father. But well, they had got her a man and he had paid her bride price (what is Bride price anyway if you have no reputation?) She wanted to run away from home but was afraid of how she would manage to continue school. She looked grown because she was healthy(read fat) but i believe this all part of the adolescent health, the body changes and growth but this was no reason of having her married off however the father believed she was ready to be a wife and then a mother (again i wonder if its ignorance or negligence. i just wont blame poverty). I helped her find an auntie she could confide in and she is still in school. she might have been lucky but i know many ought there still suffering.

So back to my childhood playmates. One of them, Mumbejja as we fondly called her, suffered a still-birth because when she went into labor she didn’t know she was in labor. And because he parents and siblings judged her she vowed to stay silent through out her pregnancy so she hardly went for antenatal. When she was due she thought she was hurting just and she was found in her room in pain and the neighbors tried to have her deliver from home which failed because she lost the child. After all the Trauma her mother told her to go to her ‘husbands’ house because she would accommodate a ‘grown woman’. She went to her grandma’s house and her grandma helped her start something small to sustain her and take care of her medication.she started frying and selling cassava for breakfast but In the process, she conceived again and has a little girl with whom she stays with at her grandma’s. (she didnt have a clue about contraception when we spoke). Poverty? Ignorance? negligence? sex education?

THE SUBARU CONVOY

the dress we wore to church
the dress we wore to church

IMG-20151101-WA0009

IMG-20151101-WA0029

MY DREAM CAR
MY DREAM CAR
AFTER CHANGING
AFTER CHANGING
AFTER THE VOWS
AFTER THE VOWS

I have never had a dream car until this weekend. i now know i want a Subaru WRX STI. So this weekend i happened to be part of an entourage (God help me so that it was the last bride i had to be a maiden to). Well the hype for weddings for me has died basically because i have either become part of the tents or chairs for weddings because i have more than seven i attend in a year. It was a normal morning having to dress up through the tension and tantrums of the bride make up artists, organizers and others until i had Subaru at the gate (you should have seen my village excitement). Most couples prefer a Benz or range or cross country but this one was so not up for the Benz.

Well, the bridal cars were the Subarus (i know you are thinking that bridal convoys are normally slow). We were late for church and Ntinda had Traffic by noon and church was set for noon in Bukoto. Anha, we get into the cars and i before i could ask how fast we were to move, we were at the church! I could see people on the road wonder what was happening a Fast furious of some hooligan New weds perhaps some thought the groom was a rally driver (hehehe). Church starts and a heavy down pour happens but gladly it ends before we are out.

The whole time i was thinking of the Subaru ride, Damn! (i would love to do this on my wedding if my groom agrees). After church headed to Emin Pasha for the photo-shoot and we were moving at the pace of a Benz convoy just to have the videography team have something going. we took quite some time at the shoot so we delayed for the reception(too many delays but we were still on time though not in time). Now, this was the real Subaru ride i anticipated. We took the northern by-pass to Ndere center like we were in garuga for a rally challenge. the spins(jeez) Did i tell you that the Matron opted for a normal Car? oh she did because she couldn’t handle the pressure of the speed and the spins. in less than five minutes we were at the reception and i swear all the guest knew we had arrived from the noise of the engine and the spins in the wet grass. i wish i had a video of this but wow i loved the uniqueness. (stop wondering why am not taking about the bride and the groom and the party) that for me was the moment. It was Just Epic. But, she was a lovely bride, she sang to every song, very jolly(she was the most free bride i have seen this year. she was herself and i swore i would dance through the mud which i did happily. She had a lovely, lovely gown. Superb decor a fun groom and well Edith that speech was too summarized but on point. Oh! the band, that boy Steve, someone tell him he is doing sooo great that was a lovely performance. the make up lady was all over you could think she was the matron. But she did a great face beat. (lovely Job Josephine) and to the Malunda’s. I wish you all the best. But for the cars, my, my, my, lets see what my next birthday brings.

Now i know what i want when my time comes.

KA – RED #UgBlogWeek Day 7/7 

I don’t want to believe that uganda’s biggest problem is that we have lots of freedom that we have no idea how to use it. Sometimes if some people have brains or heads because even those meant to lead or speak on our behalf are just blabbering like a bunch of ignorants. 

Well the other day i was watching Tv and was shocked at how Bebe has matured even in his speech. He represented the Tubonge team perfectly while Tamale who I was sure had a pinch of brains was busy questioning who can listen to Juliana just because media headlines talk about her marital failures. Tamale do relationships vote? Does being famous take away humanity or rights of an individual? Well, I am working hard to take your place. I need your job because am not satisfied with your results so watch out.

And then, it so happens that my father’s impound is a polling station. The weekend has been so bad that we hardly slept. These villagers think because we belong to the same tribe as the president we are less of Ugandans some have no right to the choices and decisions we make. Like I said, freedom is the worst thing that happened to we Ugandans because we don’t have a clue how to use it I believe. People are already fighting about the primaries, others think because they support “A”, we all should. My home is like a headquater. The fact that it is the polling station people imagine we are electrol commission and manufacture the ballots. Non of my parents is a parish chairman even though they are elders so, it’s more of catastrophe if a candidate passed by to say high and,are their intentions known and that’s not our fault it villagers imagine we invite them. Tonight we have got our traditional sticks, “enkoni”. Before it becomes fully red it might become green. If the military don’t play their part, some of the people will bleed before the sunrise. That’s not my prayer but when freedom becomes ignorant, You educate it. Nanti Kamyufu!
ThaNukes to all those that kept up with me till this day.

ADDICTIONS #UgBlogWeek Day 6

I wish I loved beers as much as most people my age or couldn’t do with things like the PSP. Sleep,Sleep sleep!.I love to dance but am not addicted  because I can do without it. I adore flowers but I simply end at that. Maybe I haven’t found you yet, My Rib I mean. 

When my skies are grey and my world feels as small as my palm, when others prefer to drown their joy and sorrows in a glass , I drown my joys in worship my sorrows in worship my worries into sleep and my excitement.Everyone has that one thing(s) they can’t do without,something(s) they are addicted too that they turn to even when they are bored, it could be movies, tobacco, the Xbox, your phone…

Mine could be ink, I write anytime anywhere I need no mood it at the level which I sleep, I pray I never die in my sleep. It’s a remedy for everything. I would rather die in worship for this doesn’t matter where or when. I sometimes slip away into dream land worshiping. Not becaus I am tired but because I simply love it and do not wanna stop. When the sun rises, I always wish I could sleep more even when I spent the day in bed (my dad often cross checks to see if am home, dead or away. Because you can forget am in) .

 Psalms 127:2  I bet was meant for me because he loved Me so much, he gave me sleep. While others are out partying on Friday evenings, am figuring how to beat jam to get to my bed. (Am not old)I had Friday night days though I made sure I went to my bed even @5am. These are addictions I love and thank God I have because I prefer them to late nights. I am not fat (this thing works like gym for me. Sleep, sleep, sleep and worship, worship my dear Sharon like yourlifedepends on it.

 AND THEN GOD MADE SLEEP.

An intoxicant to me

AND THEN HE MADE WORSHIP

Food to my soul

BETHANY. #UgBlogWeek Day 5

In this Bethany i sit,

with a song in my heart,

a calmness of voices like

a wind’s driving force,

it blows tears down my cheeks

with a simple grace in motion.
A glory so divine…

I am the MVP of favor,

seer, lover, priestess.

A song making me New.

It’s my freedom song.

A bedtime lullaby,

a soother for my pain.

See…its shinning in my heart.

If i was a song bird,

say a humming bird.

Maybe a writer.

I would listen to every note played,

put on replay like a stereo.

It sounds like a love song.

Playing louder than my heart beat

silencing all voices in my head

healing my wounds

cleansing my flaws and wrinkle

Liberating me of my fears

Pieces of acapella play in my sleep

causing my heart  to starter.

I think it’s a worship song

with a scent I can’t define

Maybe it’s a reggae track

 I am drunk in this bethany

 

I am slain

 

7cc50148172ccf3362dae4f87766f331

What is in a name? #UgBlogWeek Day 4

Israel(the triumphant of God) originally you name was Nations(that’s when i first really had expectant friends close and they called their unborn tinny,Dexter Etc. Nations sounded much better for me because i have grown to understand some things. In my culture they say ‘mind what name you give your child because they may become that’ i say “mind the things you speak over your children because the tongue can create like my bible says. When you grow up, kindly be your own man but incorporate these men into you character.David,Solomon, Hosea and Joesph. But even when you do not be sure God will raise you to fit in these characters because daily i have asked and when you are ready to read Mathew 7:7 and understand your bible you will know.
Therefore if you aren’t ready yo be a servant in the house of the lord then i suggest keep in my womb.(you must be thinking your mother is a mad one.) yes, in Christ am mad. Kindly note that everything i shall teach you, so will you guide your brothers Jerusalem (dwelling place of God) and Nazareth (sanctified). I do not plan on raising cowards but sons who will not know how to get anything without using there knees, NOT wife beaters but Men who will understand love on the foundation of Christ.
The size of your fists does not make you am man neither will the echo of your voice. Ask God to teach you and raise you into the man that he desires you become because he knew you before you were born or conceived. he had a plan for your life well aligned so when any questions arise,remember you can always turn to him because i can only be your mummy not your God. God is love.
this i write to you my sons because i was wondering, what is in a name? what’s in speaking to the unborn? When i see my life i relate a lot with Sharon (plain of lilies-how beautiful!) when i see my local name Bugingo (Trust),Atwine (God is with us/has us) and the rest i own. Maybe i am my Name, Maybe Not but i desire that u speak to generations but his love, that you preach to nations about his grace. I do don’t know why i write but maybe but when you ever land on this, know its what i called yo before Jeremiah,Joshua or Elkanah.But Mostly Understand and find out what God called you before i thought of you.