COWARD LOVER

The music of the ocean played in my head.
The musical woman I knew
Sat down hands tired and bruised from the strumming,
Her vocal code dry from the singing,
Her songs never went unheard
But her message was ignored .
Clad in a purple sweater She dozed off,
But her guitar tightly cradled to her chest
Her mind soaring like an eagle in hunt.
She whispered to her heart,
Because her guitar strings broke from her strumming.
She woke up to her tears that escaped from her eyes
She tried to hold them back in vain.
Helpless she felt her heart drown
Ooh!she is a coward lover!
She failed to notice her fingers where tired
And her mind was low on lyrics
Her heart was out of rhythm
So she bleed to bring it all back,
Because it was all she ever had.
The only thing she loved patiently and passionately
It was no more
How was she yet to purchase a new one?
How else was the inspiration supposed to return?
She was broken
OoH! She was a coward lover!
Helplessly she sat with her head leant back to the tree trunk
Searching the musical waters for an answer.
But even nature’s beauty faded in her eyes
Her world was pale and grey
But the sun never stopped shinning in her eyes.
In denial she lived, It was all gone.
She tried ooh yes she tried
But she is a coward lover
She still clang on like a mad woman to her empty bottles
Ooh! She was empty, she was broken.
All she needed Was to remember why she was created.
Her heart thrums From every pluck of the broken frets
Her heart bled through the notes
She was a coward lover
There is nothing in this world
That could ever do What her touch could do.

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DADDY DANCE WITH ME

You didn’t take me to my first date

not did you practice prom dance with me

but today I long to have this dance with you

to sway away in silence in your arms..

for once I want not to gossip with you but

to enjoy a silent musical with you.

i can’t say that I will have you forever

for  just a dance with you

but I know I shall have you for ever to gossip.

I want to see the stars in your eyes twinkle

i desire to feel the shiver in you voice as you whisper #goodbye

i desire to share this dance with you.

you were my first and their will be no other

you are my Abraham, superman, batman, Jacob and Job.

daddy, please dance with me as I walk into my new life.

daddy dance with me to this ocean music,

to the singing of the birds in the woods.

lets enjoy this silence once as we listen to each other’s heartbeats

i won’t promise no tears but I promise to always be your baby girl.

when he took his hands down in mine at the alter

after the melodious strums he made as I walked down the aisle,

made me realize the most beautiful things come from what hurts us the most..

Daddy dance with me because you will always remain true.

SILENT WHISPERS 2

Silence that covered her was grave

her words were never understood,

there was no guarantee for her silence.

It was just another rainy season

with disorganized chords playing in her head

the tears run down her face like running erosion

Rage filled her eyes like a fire.

rhythmically her heart beat

like drums from the Far East

the sweet melodies she wince heard return to her head.

the strums of the guitar,

the whispers of the flute,

the smoothness of his voice,

the smoothness of his fingers against the guitar

nothing ever felt as sweet as him laying besides her,

being the love of her life, nothing ever made better sense.

SILENT WHISPERS 1

It was another song with no vocalists

lyrics with no voices

unseen performances on the stage of life where she had been dead so long

outside her house she held her head high

on the inside of the four wall she bowed her head in disgust

she closed her eyes in pain

but her smile screaming on the outside of her house

she rested her head against her knees

and imagined how she would feel forever with him

she raised her eyes at the portrait of him, with so much passion.

papers rustle and crinkle in her palms as she fold it

tears run down her face like rain drops from the top roof

the emptiness in her heart,

the desire  in her eyes,

not even a single echo bounced back from her mummers .

her soul grieves

the smell of fury surrounds her like smoke

though you can hardly hear her breathe.

LETTERS TO MY P**** Pt 20-23

Am apologizing today
For having blamed you
Even when you had no control
For having strongly believed
It was your fault
I promise it won’t happen again
I was young and effortless then
I couldn’t defend you
But now that I have gained some weight
Grown to understand it was not our fault
I have learnt to defend you jealously
I thought you had let me down
Betrayed me
I almost under went mutilation,
None the less commit suicide
I never believed in the blood you shed
I mean every month the womb does so
I never believed in the pain
But today I say am so sorry.
21
Just before I forget
When I was very little
I published you
I always put you out for everyone to see
Dressed you in cheap knickers.
That I won’t call them lingerie
I will call me knickers
“Tajiri” they were known by many
They never grew old
Even when they lost their elasticity.
Woven they were
In a material similar to sisal
Hard and skin ripping
Am sorry for having put you through this
These knickers were my best then
It’s why I never changed them for years
But as I grew
I realized the risk I put you to
But you still never left
You have sunk under all difficulties
Even to those of not wiping you
After a short call, I ran off
To the sand sat.
I was a pathetic lover
Please accept my apologies
I was ignorant
I didn’t know how to take care of you then
How silly being a child is!
Yet so enjoyable.
22

When I grew up
May be am still trying to grow up
But again it was no excuse
For me to trade you
It was never my intention
But my friends influenced me
Especially when they used you for the same “things”
That I used you for
But this time round, they earned
They were paid.
Questions in my head ran,
Why do I open my legs to no pay?
Yet I can with lots of pay
It never had any emotion attachment
23
Because I never asked names
Yes…..
I never asked names of all the influential men
I knew they were big in government
But I had a boyfriend
That I was so attached to
That just gave you out to for no cost
Not because he couldn’t pay
Not because I loved him.
With the rest I didn’t have to have an attachment
Some were harsh,
They went down on you like hungry dogs
Others were soft and tender
But it was all my campus life
I didn’t come from a poor background
But something strange inside gave me force
The urge to look and smell good
To be a fierce rich girl on campus
Of course my family didn’t know
But you my dear friend did
And still never let me down
I was never scared of offering you
But lived with fear of pain
Pain from wounds caused by the men
So many things have happened in my life
But you’re my best secret keeper.

I MET MAN finale

I met a man…
That courted me all my life
Loved me selflessly yet selfishly
He was jealous yet desirous
He was an amazing counselor
Loving friend, good listener and confidant
That loved me like Abraham loved Sera
It was the best time of my life
A day I recall like it was yesterday.
When he held me close to his heart.
I have never felt so much alive.
My joy is priceless,
I stood with my arms high and abandoned
I stood in awe for the man who gave it all

I met a man
Whose love brings me to my knees,
Who I await like watch men wait for the morning
I am his private garden,
And I am his is lifetime assignment.
The man is CHRIST.

I MET A MAN 7

I met a man.
That I knew all my life and never paid attention to.
That adored me but I brushed him off.
That hasn’t only died for me but gave his life too.

A hardness in his voice hardly hurt,
But when he held my heart
And made me hate being alive,
Nothing ever hurt that much.
He didn’t only take away my troubles
Nor my temptations but gave me grace
He held my world and my dreams
Searched my heart and understood me
And for what it was worth,
He led me down the aisle
Where I was bought when love was slain
on his knees with a smile as wealthy as the heavens
He proposed again
Asking me to walk besides him all our lives
My heart was over joyed,
Tears rolled down my face behind veil
I gave him my hand and my heart
And allowed to walk daily with him
And on his knees he said his vows
Never to leave my side even in death
His promises were too good to be true
The price he paid for my blemish and wrinkle,
Was love that was slayed.

I MET A MAN 6

May be I look forward to the vows
The ring you will lay on my finger
The promises of an ending love
When am dressed in that wedding gown
Whiter than snow
I already asked my father
To help me with my dances
For soon the ball will be here
And before I know it
I will be at rest in my prince’s castle
Where I will have my bed laid
And will light my bathroom with scented candles
Pick roses from the garden
Smoke fresh petals for my prince
And lay besides him all my life
This letter is not to sing praises or
Build out my dreams
Am writing a confession
Of My love for you, an only love
My profound love
I did not dream of falling in love
But since it happens once
I wish to embrace it with joy
And share it with you my love
I have never needed a prince charming
But this wooden house is my castle
Where I will lay with my love
Make love to me all night
Pour honey down my neck
Lick it down my hardened nipples
And may the birds of the morning
Make melody as I wake up in your arms
May we have the sweet breeze kiss our skin?
This letter my love
Is not to ask you to be
But to let you know you are
The love I have chosen to lead me down the aisle
My headlines read
“Married to a high school sweetheart
Childhood crush, five year lover
And a best friend forever”
But no one understood
That he stalked me from conception
Designed my future with him
Even before I knew myself
Watched me take my first step
I grew and fell in love
With a totally different man
Who then I believed was my world
He still waited on me
And here we are again.

LETTERS TO MY P**** Pt 18 &19

One thing about life is,
If it doesn’t fuck you today
Tomorrow is always their
So my love I will not promise a bed of roses,
Silk bed sheets,
Scented candles,
Because I cannot afford all that.
But I can afford loving you and
Making you the lady every man would desire.
But I cannot promise the lights will not be off
and not all decisions are mine to make,
Sometimes the men decide.
When u want it soft and tender
He wants it rough and hard
When you want the lights on,
He prefers they are off

19
That night of the rape
I could hear the voice of the wind
My body was cold and lonely
Cold blood ran through my veins
Warm tears down my cheeks
My lips shivering
I felt the cold blood against my skin
Flowing down my legs like a stream
I heard the voice of the trees
They spoke to me in misery
Swayed in sorrow
Am not sure they knew
But the pain I felt was mental
I know, you were in pain
But that same pain became physiological for me
I hate you so much
I wished you would speak
I hated the fact that you never hid
Had you been true human
That I would speak and you respond
I was going to ask you to run
So I would suffer the pain alone
I felt like I failed you
My guilt grew into spite.
I knew you were hurt
But I was disappointed as well
The night grew old on me
I didn’t want to be part of the light anymore
My world had darkened
I could see my future no more
I believed the end had come
As days went by and nights passed,
And finally your healing came
My hope for tomorrow awoke
That’s how you gave me hope
I live again because of you.

I MET A MAN 5

Am writing this letter to my love
Not to remind you simply of our first days
But to tell you what it felt like
I had never felt like this
I had been broken and crushed
I stopped trusting
I gave up on love
But when you came
I was not just relieved
But I felt whole and alive again
Before you my Boaz,
I’ve met Judas, Simon peter, Eliphaz
And have met the devil like Job
But can’t say I was strong like he was

But of the evenings we shared at the beach
Of the mornings you stole a kiss
Of the late night phone calls
It’s not a letter asking for it to all stop
But one requesting for more
Waking up to a warm smile
Going through the day knowing you think about me
Thoughts of each other even when we are far
This letter is to ask that no distance puts us a part
Going to bed assured of great warmth
A great hug
Sleeping to the sound of your heart bit
Wow! I can’t wait to lie at your chest
Make my bed for that special night
The night I will have you to myself
And become yours wholly