letters to my p**** prt 2



Sorry I didn’t think of you

I caused you pain

Exposed you to my girlfriend

To the bush herbs

I had hardly looked at you

Just until that time in the bush

The time I compared you to Stella’s

And was inquisitive of the similarity

My selfishness left me no choice

I needed to strengthen ties

To prepare for that man

 I dreamt of perfect love making

I could do everything to earn it

Even when it meant mutilation

But wait; be glad I did not go there

May be because my culture is different

But please forgive my friends

They couldn’t protect you

They were young and stupid

Blinded by there culture

Uneducated, never learnt

They could never fight for you

But you know you are my best friend

You are so secret

Never let me down

Even to the tears of love making

While am groaning with ecstasy

Mourning with excitement

Even when I let you through the pain

Pain I enjoyed as I became woman

You never let me down




When i picked forms for national identity card registration, i realized at the section for marriage  they didn’t include cohabiting. Then as i returned home i met my neighbor sulking and complaining about the same thing.”i am a married woman even when i do not own a marriage certificate that these people want,” she rambled. I looked down at her in confusion and walked off. but as i rested down on my bed i got myself wondering what is a marriage? When two people stay together ordinarily its called cohabiting even if they have had children yet i still think this is not right . I believe as long as all we have is each other and no one to keep asking us to recite vows or dance then we are married and a wedding is a celebration to seal off this marriage that is why lots of people come around to witness the union. Being back at your house with your husband or  wife and children is the marriage because that is where it all goes down it does not matter if you have a certificate or not because all this certificate does is to certify your union not your marriage.

I would prefer you have a marriage and not just a ring because when you wed, you obliged to wear one though it’s not a must because this is a symbol for your union for your love for each other a seal for the promises and not your marriage. Do you ever look at the many who wear this band and do not respect the reason for its presence on their finger? or they wear because they are afraid of society questioning why they don’t wear one when they are married? I love rings and yes i dream of a wedding i dream of a wedding band but i also dream of respecting and loving my wedding band not as a seal for my marriage because i can wear it of but as representation of our love therefore my wedding band is not the one on me but the one i wear on my heart and this on my finger is just a reminder of my promises.

Well the marriage is more important than the wedding, It’s about what happens after the wedding not just one day. I actually think on those forms they should have included cohabitation because some of hour parents have brought us up in a marriage that is referred to as cohabitation and they have been down the road 50yrs. It’s good that you have a wedding but much better that you have a marriage either have both or the latter not a wedding and no marriage


Two weeks ago i sat in church for a wedding and next to me sat this 10 year old little girl. And when it was time for the couple to recite their vows, she knew these line word by word and i was compelled to ask her if she had an idea what they mean but her answer got was “I have been to weddings since i was six years old and its the same thing they say and because they are overly done they stick to yo head just like that”.

i realized i knew these vows myself when i looked back into my order of service. So i ask, what is in a church vow? this is what most African couples would go for because the church vow is only inside your head like how students cram the periodic table in chemistry but have never cared to understand it. These words are not glued on our hearts therefore we make no meaning out of them. as i interacted with few people i asked one married man why he choose to use church vows as opposed to his own and this is what he said “no one will hold me accountable if i mess them up because i only said what i was told to say”

A lot is in a church vow given the fact that by the time you decide on marriage then you are ready to stay with your partner throughout the rains and when the sun comes out your still together. However its not compulsory to recite church vows, you can always come up with your own vows that mean something to you for this is a promise that will not simply hold both of you together forever but keep you two together. therefore i really believe vows hold more than most people think.Image

letters to my p**** PRT 1

Didn’t know your beauty

You seemed quite beastly

Wet, shiny, hairy

Bleached, wrinkled, really

Dark, hidden, devious

Yearning, waiting, porous


Believed it was part of creation

But it was only when I was eight

At thirteen she told me about pulling

I know! The stress was not easy

But you carried through

Am proud of your strength


While others had the lips cut

I had mine growing long

Not because I speak a lot

I didn’t want to take you through the pain

But I needed to prepare myself

Not for the bad

But for something that would give me pleasure



must read

Mummy Says...

Three years ago today, on a rickety deck over a sparkling sea, I made the most important promises of my life. I married my best friend. Under a brilliant cloudless sky on the other side of the world, we began the rest of our lives.

I’ve been thinking about our anniversary all week. Three years isn’t such a long time, but we have squeezed so much living into it. We honeymooned at the top of New Zealand’s South Island. Family from around the world had travelled to our favourite place on earth – and they, along with our closest friends, spent a glorious week as we did – happy, relaxed, feeling the sand beneath our toes and the fresh air in our lungs and ready to start something new.

We returned as newly-weds to the home we had recently bought. The 100-year-old villa in a trendy sun-drenched corner of Wellington…

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Always remember why you fell in love

Thoughts ran through my mind after a brief conversation with a friend. she is getting married and once in a while when she wakes up to go for church counselling she questions herself why she is getting married and why she has to at this time then she remembers she had options of saying No to the proposal but didn’t. 

Do yo know reasons as to why you fell in love with your spouse, boyfriend,girlfriend, wife/husband to be? Do you ever sit back and ask yourself what on earth attracted you to them? then you should find out why you are still in love with them and want to go through each day of your life with these particular people. while most women fall for character and personality, most men fall for the appearance of women the physical appearance does move them a lot. That’s why it mightImage seem easy for a man to move on quicker than a lady does and its why women accept and learn to live with the flaws in there partners and try as much to live every moment happily

Kevin a  bride to be woke up one day after she and her partner had announced there wedding date and had a misunderstanding with her man, two days later she started questioning herself why she should marry this man but she remembered he isn’t perfect and they have had lots of beautiful moments as much as she chose mainly to remember the bad. he/she can not be flawless but by the time they decide to want to settle with you and spend the rest of their lives with you then you mean much more to them than you thought. no man wants to be tagged to a nagging woman all his life and no woman wants to spend the rest of her life with a man that doesn’t understand and care for her or even listen to her. i must say we ladies love to be heard.

He is not going to be everything you fantasized about nor the man you have had in your dreams as a child but as long as he compliments and completes you, believes and supports you then that is one partner that that will always have your back even when the storms are strong and the love is no more you shall always have the friendship and that is enough to keep you going and rekindle the blown out candle. We all have different relationship experiences and we do not hurt the same. your story will never be my story no matter how close the situations seem. Only you have the power to make it and if it fails let it go because the longer you hold on the tougher the pain.


Many times at wedding meetings we meet confused brides. I have never understood why panic and confusion is never displayed on groom’s faces and brides have it displayed from the make up to the colour of nail polish they wear before the meetings. But being in charge of your wedding has never meant for you not to delegate duties or have your brides maids, mom and friends lead and think for you. You need to know what you want you day to look like, how you want to feel in your bridal gown not how beautiful it will look when others see it because at the end of the day it will be on you not on them, and it doesn’t really matter because either way smart or not they will have something to talk about yet you sacrificed your comfort at the expense of there dream for you. and always mind who you take to your fittings, if your mother will give you had time deciding don’t take her. Every mother dreams of seeing her daughter in a particular gown yet most mothers desire that their daughters look like princesses but what about how you want to look?, do you give that up for your mother?

Allow maids discuss with you what they would love to wear but always have it in mind they shall never agree so by the time you invite them over for tea to discuss better have the colour and design you think will perfectly match your day and them because at the end of the day you need your bridal party happy and comfortable. 

Know what your reception should look like do not leave it all to the decorator because they surely need a hint to make your reception beautiful. Do not just tell them of your theme colours and imagine its over because you don’t want to frown when you enter your reception. And who says because its your wedding you need to be involved in everything and anything?, give yourself some rest lady delegate duties and know who to ask at the end of the day or you will be so pale and grey by the time of the D-day from running abut with decorators, maids, fitting, caterers….


Be in charge of yo wedding. tell the committee what you want and let everyone else’s job be to give you something close, exact or better because you will not have this day come around like you birthdays.