Tag: faith

The church was silent

My church was silent

Silent to my screams

Blind to my tears

When my temples hurt,

My feet bruised

And My heart ached,

The Holy Spirit moved not.

The choir didn’t sing.

When stomach was empty and

When my children were hungry

The hall was dead

The pews empty

The pastor didn’t preach.

when adultery knocked,

The trumpets resounded

The righteous spoke loudly

Hail Mary, and all the saints

Spoke in tongues

And when I left, the choir sung.

So loud that they burst the speakers

Sermon after sermon I was with blemish

The love they preached was spite

They rebuked my decisions

Challenged my opinions

Said I was berserk

And I had much to drink…

Only had they known it wasn’t wine

I convened at his feet

Waited at the well

Tithed my buttons

Fasted like Esther

Kissed his feet

For his love is better than wine

#puzzledlines31

Have you held back tears

Looked up, held breath

Just to avoid them from falling

Have you known the pain of watered eyes

And a broken soul

But you what to portray strength

Or perhaps you were in public

Have you held back tears

Because you don’t want to give pain victory

Or because you faith screams it’s well

Anha, did you hold them back because it’s well

Or perhaps the pain was too much you grew numb

Stopped feeling or refused to feel

Have you held back tears

Because you were afraid of your emotions?

Survival

First we adhered

Then hunger attacked us

The same men that sent us to exile

And promised to feed us

Abused and called us ungrateful

What if it was all a myth

A scramble for power at the expense of the citizens

What if it never really existed

And you just needed to withdraw money from the masses

What if it’s just a super game plan

First they got scared

They prayed silently for God to rescue the land

Then they noticed it wasn’t going anywhere

And a lot of politics was being played

At the expense of their survival

Do you know how hurt they are

How many lives are lost to hunger not covid

Or how many the security men have battered

Curfew was okay,

But how do you support a cause you know nothing about?

If they could all turn to the streets

If they could all have courage to sue you

If you could reach out once and know the pain

They have suffered with the economy

That to some, living is better than death

But here we are

Jobless and hungry

With loads of work but no money to pay support

With decaying goods no one is buying

Because breath isn’t a luxury,

Food and clothes has become a none basic need

We are struggling to see the next sun

Watching news daily waiting an address

Weeping due to domestic violence and child abuse

Trying to understand the panic media caused

Believing it wasn’t politics being played

Praying that we still have jobs

Even with salaries cut

Geeks are as expensive as mental health

Yet we have no choice but to survive

It’s not survival for the fittest.

It’s just SURVIVAL

Grief the thief

I was thinking of coming home today. Suddenly my head rushed to presidents house and I was excited to come see you and tell you of our progress then grief that silly thing hit.

I forgot you are gone. Maybe that is what love does, never lets you forget. My thoughts still speak to me of you like you are still here. But this kinda heartache I feel even in my bones.

It will heal, someday but also maybe I need patience. I know it will get better,I will be fine but just not today. Maybe not soon.

I was smiling telling Nations of you and boom, stupid grief paused our moment for a few. Maybe grief is the price we pay for love. But also these are just my maybes.

I think I will miss you forever , like the stars miss the β˜€οΈ. Time only can tell.

I still do cry when I miss you. Sometimes I cry out of the blu….I can only hope

The day of this pic, you were “happy”.You said you wanted a full pic if you were to get an ID and no you still didn’t register.

All I have is my heart and in Thea I shall live with you.

Months gone but feels like yesterday!

Fuck grief

Fuck death

Fuck pain.

If love could have saved you

nations 10

So today I went in for the usual check and the pressure was too high so they retained me. I don’t even know why it’s up hmm..way up. I have to be admitted for a night so that they can monitor it and if all goes well, we go home or it goes bad and we go for the options that i don’t exactly want to think about.

I lay down here with Kaka (God bless mothers) and My dad on phone calling every hour and Papa seated out waiting. Medication is being given but I am very hopeful we will go home. i like how calm and active you are in Thea. Don’t give up on me, because i am determined to carry this sheaf of grain till proper harvest. I have called Dr Apollo and he says the same for other options but here we are. God knows our hearts…Kemmy came by and told us to drink Hehe so we are going to drink..

10am next day

The pressure is stable (thank God) we are going home. Am not sure I will forget the screaming of all those ladies in labor, i pray we don’t get screaming too *hides face* My Champion, dear nations, we are going home. Papa is worried so we will go to Kaka till harvest.

4/10/2018

Nations 8

12/5/18

I would like that you know the things I love. Life should never be as complicated as the world paints it.

Today I will tell you about my grandma. Your great grandma at that. She is late and maybe I didn’t realize how much I had grown so attached to her until she took her last breath. I love very many people with time you will know.

Mukya, I called her. We shared many things. When I went to the village my grandpa (lord bless his soul) would leave his bed for us. I did love him but maybe God took him before I got to understand him or spend so much time with him. I didn’t frequent the village because the environment change didn’t favor my health a lot and I am my dad’s little wallet. Well, when mukya came to Kampala, we shared a bedroom. Our mornings began with a sleepy long prayer that would wake you if you hoped to continue after and they ended with a prayer that got you dosing but made sure the Amen was heard. Our days were full of hymns in Runyankole. She spoke English only she and I understood. We sang rock of ages till the words stung deep, called Yesu until he said here I am, complained of pain and naked women in music videos, questioned why almost every tv soap had crying women but most of the day we were thankful. Oh yes, we were very thankful that I forgot how to ask God for certain things and be thankful for every small thing because every day was a blessing. We talked about boys and makeup and made jokes about ministers wives because she was one. Oh, she hated lazy everything with her whole life. She liked to work that even in pain she grabbed a hoe. I don’t know how to dig but I promise to pass on everything I learned. (God as my strength)

Am not perfect. Everyday I will fall short even as your mom. But I promise to be on your Team always.

Nations -2

Dear nations

As long as mummy has air(never take it for granted so when pride kicks in, remember who lendest you breath)

I was saying, as long as mummy has breath, hold unto these hands mahogany…i however can’t wait to tell you about whose hands hold us all.

I won’t promise to stop the storm for you, but will always try protect your eyes from the dust( for your eyes are far more precious than diamonds) and be your wind breaker

Always keep the stars in your eyes and dreams in your heart. Jeremiah was sent to prophecy to nations….you are Nations

 

3/3/2018

Dear heart

Today I felt as low as I felt the same day four years ago. I felt overwhelmed but also I had hope. I always have hope but am wondering, is this hope affiliated to you or the soul?

Hope is one of those things I can’t live without. I just don’t know how anyway.

Today I played the same exact songs that I played then. Now, there’s a certain place this music sends me to. A zone I can’t explain. Is music affiliated to you or the spirit?

This kind sends me places and makes me feel a certain type of way, as if am staring deep at a child in worship….(oh there is nothing more humbling than this) the innocence, the honesty, the infancy…..

Worship is just another setting

Love is another zone

Dear heart, if this must be my drug, I wanna keep high forever. If all this is affiliated with you in any way, teach me how to stay in this zone. It’s a safe haven. In it, nothing else matters. They say, smoke weed and feel…..i say inhale worship and everything else will fall in place

Truly

Me…gracefully broken.

Dear heart,

Today I am singing Isabella by sauti sol…. It has become a favorite. I know lyrics by heart.

This is where we started… from a business meeting to a both of wine. We were the last at the bar…πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚… We were later sitting on the paveme and hungry….life. Well I did think we would connect this much then until we sat out for tea just to gossip and (laminate)πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚. We Boda Boda our humble beginning and you usually remind me of how famous you will get (am rehearsing my wave)

So put on those shoes that I like…..okulya sente si kulya mwana

Dear heart, I appreciate how wealthy you have become and please continue to stay humble

Thanks for keeping faith and waiting on my crazy ass #ItWasAs…..

Truly

Life