Tag: heart

Pain romanced

I have Romanced pain

Dated it, slept with it

Held an caressed it

Even when it hurt, I smiled

When they questioned, I defended

They they said let go

It wasn’t that bad for me.

Yet I still cried myself to sleep

Woke up choking on my mucus

Smiled to my wounded heart

Forced the image in the mirror to smile

It convinced me, I was beautiful

Told me I could never be better

Made me believe, that was my start and finish

I sat at high tables

My legs crossed at the knee

Red soles, red lips tic and flawless hair

They envied me, so their was no way I could speak up

I smiled for the camera

And swayed my hair for haters

Or I was the hater

I knew I was in a bad place with pain

Maybe married to it

Caressed and romanced it

We couldn’t let go of each other

Until the emptiness turned into death

I was a moving shell

A zombie

A corpse. Am image of myself

Then I knew the romance was over

I was dead.

When the heart hurts

let this cup…overflow? no, not with this pain.
Let this cup…empty

when the heart hurts,it speaks.
every song that plays relates
every poetic line shouts
the tears flow
the food tastes different
the breeze hits different
the winter coat on a sunny day
the breath, the breath breaks

when the heart hurts
it goes to Calvary and bleeds
weeps for the time
like why the hell doesn’t time stand still
why the hell is the cloud over the head dark

yet when it hurts beautifully
the memories play, the smile never fades
insanity and mental health
depression because its holding on
holding unto a candle that burned out
ashes that can never rebuild
When the heart hurts,
therapy is never enough

no mental institute can resolve
no law can align it
When the heart hurts, it dies.
It doesn’t stop (i wonder why)
but it dies that nothing ever makes the same sense again
Its a prison with an open door, beautiful lawns and an empty house.

Letters 21

I want to write to you a letter my love.

A letter of love, a letter of thought, a letter under the stars.

I lay on my bed staring at the ceiling wishing I had those sticker stars that glow. I stare into the emptiness of the dark. Wondering if one wishing star could just swing by 👌🏼for a while. I am imagining a house with no roof. Perhaps a glass house by the beach

You know I love sunsets because they give me hope and make me feel accomplished. So a glass house by the beach would give me a perfect view. But I also love a dark sky on a cold night. Stars twinkling around a full moon.

A whole horizon at the neck of the sea, still waters whispering sweet nothings. The day was beautiful but with more chaos than expected. I need some quiet right here. Here where my thoughts speak nothing and my heart says … beautiful! ….

Where the waves kiss the shore a bit more loud and the palms sweat in harmony. In this hammock I wanna fall asleep hugging my knees and smiling at the stillness of my soul. Perhaps silently lay with you listening to the music of your heart. But, right here , I wanna lay alone to reflect on …. nothing!… but also about nothing because I just want to listen to nothing but my heart, the stars , the waves and the whispers of the wind. Here, is where I want to teach my soul about my heart, my mind about my body and my body, the language of love.

Akashaka ka Rukundo

If you were having tea with me…

Beaton taught me the line

I would seat you by the window

Let you smell the flowers at my table

Or just hand you a book

If you were having tea with me,

I would tell you about the pot I poured from

It’s my grandmas pot

But she has been gone a few years

She fenced her farm with a sweet herb

We called it a herb of love

Akashaka ka rukundo

If you were having tea with me

I would let you inhale the aroma

before I pour into your cup.

I would tell you that on many occasions

My food is spiced with love.

At the table I dined,

We held hands and said the grace

We shared smiles and tears

We spoke and learnt

If you were having a cup of tea with me

I would lead you to my fireplace

The place that holds my heart

A place that has heard many stories

I would throw you a shawl.

And tell you of the recipes that place has birthed

If you were pouring from my pot

I would tell you,

My grandma grew rosemary anywhere

It fenced the farm

It gated her home

I would tell you that without it a meal was incomplete

Now you would know that it’s a herb of love

It protected her house as much as her farm

It brought her family together and gave them warmth

And today as we drink from my pot

Of freshly brewed love

I tell you of the lessons my grandma taught me

I share my heart

I let you know that rosemary was her herb of love

And now it’s my herb

Akashaka kangye k’arunkundo

Because she didn’t know the English name

She called it love.

#PuzzledLines24

I like the way you bite your lips when, i hit that spot
the way your nails dig into my back
and your teeth clench against my neck
throwing your legs up to the ceiling
but you only call on me when its convenient for you
while you are my safe haven.
and know how to hold all my broken pieces from the past together
in you i found a love that i can’t keep
a lioness in bed
and lily in the day.
I can’t keep giving you what you want
while the flames of my love evaporate

Nothing between us

You short butterflies in my tummy

Yet ignored the smile

I blamed the dust and wind when my eyes watered

Maybe there was nothing between us but

120 days ago I was heart broken

I sat at my fav cafe sipping tea

The spices were too strong my eyes watered

You walked up to me

Told me you have been watching me for years

We became friends

I promised I wasn’t ready or you would be a rebound

But your sweet soul took me to dinner

Asked me out,

When I asked for time you became elusive

Stopped calling and texted only when necessary

I didn’t reject you

When I said wait for me is because I didn’t want to hurt you

I needed to be sure my feelings weren’t playing

I just needed a couple of weeks to place and settle my hurt but

 

You shot the butterflies in my stomach

Blamed the dust for the water in my eyes

Ignored not just my smile

Told me you weren’t willing to wait

Yet you had already waited 730 days

Acted like you had never known me

Maybe you were right

There was nothing between us

But why do I still gape at the sight of you

Why does my stomach flip

And my tongue ties?

I know you feel the same way

But maybe there’s nothing between us

 

#puzzledlines 22

She could have stayed

But he said she was too much

And not enough at the same time

She was overly ambitious

But he loved the passion and ideas

She was too beautiful but

With a body of a goddess

She made him happy

But she was too selfless

She smiled with everyone and was a chatterbox

Yet he never spoke one word to start a conversation

He was cold and warm

She thought he was bipolar

One moment sweet and in love

The other angry and silent

Love and goodbyes

Nothing changed in the last 20 years

He kisses her cheek and she smiles back but

When his wife calls out

He hides the photo in the closet

Acts like he was looking for something to wear

Acts like he didn’t hear the first time she called

He fakes it until she taps his shoulder

Sometimes love isn’t enough

But what hurts more?

Lying to the one you hold

Or spending twenty years with hurt

She knew she wasn’t the love of his life

Infact, she knew he wasn’t in love with her

Maybe just the idea of her

But years kept giving her hope

His actions spoke different

She was prepared but again it hurt like hell

She noticed his heart skipped at the park

He saw her again after twenty years

She was all he ever wanted

She saw how anxious he got

Then she knew, her time was up

Darling, she said

I know for twenty years you still kept her photo

Twenty years, you kissed her cheek

And still called her name in your dreams.

Just take care of our children

And I hope she is available for you

She returned home with a broken heart

Packed her bags and left a note

“For 10 years I planned this

But I didn’t have courage

Or I was in denial

But he will never love me like her

Even when I prepared,

I am breaking so bad.

Goodbye”

Together is a beautiful place

We came together from Egypt,

Where we were enslaved with emptiness and chained with hurt.

Our hands cuffed and souls chained with loneliness

With broken hearts we didn’t know what to do with.

We wore scars like our best attire, a stunning dress made of hell fire,

Some nights we cried more than we prayed.

But when I walked into your secret place,

And you let me lay down at your feet.

I knew i would call you love.

You strolled into my life like a thief, un-suspecting in the dark of the night,

Smelling of southern comfort and intelligence and filled with a sense of humor light as the sprinkles on cake frosting.

And I welcomed you.

I washed your feet with my tears and dried them with my hair.

You called it healing.

You called it the salvation that brought you to your knees to pop the question

and it reminded you of everything you missed.

Today, I dress you up as my temple,

I will cover you in scented candles and put gods to protect you.

Today, I’ll accept your love.

I won’t ask why me.

I will instead embrace it and say yes me.

I vow to love you with an attitude

An attitude of Christ

because you are still that woman my vision sang to.

One heart, many songs

Queen of my heart

I don’t know which was queen that westlife meant but heart and queen in same sentence was just too poetic…too lyrical. The yellow and black. The foolish mic…. that looked hot by the way. The smile….jeez…let’s melt away. The green writing paper pads tucked away in my school bag

And if anything ever beat this, it could have been breathless.

Shayne wade just had my mind at heart while he wrote lyric by word by jam. The eyes were indeed mine and the babies are still mine but then that red dress and that dance couldn’t just sit down otherwise the mind would be jamming to kyomisinga

Eddie kenzo that boy…how exactly did you come up with these lines because. I was only not mature in love but also I just wanted to be a soul provider but with a fighter each time someone winked uselessly. I mean I was a queen and even when I was breathless I stayed alive because I was loved by the best at all times. I must have done something write…sorry right.

I have been loved by the best...Don Williams, you must have see him before the song was written. Because from him the love flows. And he calls me beautiful like it was my name. He picked me up every evening, turned on the radio and each day at 7am and pm,it was “Good morning beautiful”.

Steve holy, I wasn’t anything close to beautiful every morning but then, when you are a breathless queen being loved right and by the best, the favor and words come to you like a magnet…

It was very magnetic until the radio stopped playing and the electric dances became slow dances because the only promise came with a soul provider...

Romain Virgo must have know that my radio had no electricity and knew exactly where my heart found solace and my soul thirst. He gave me a soul provider to replace the lost soul and we started talking about love and trust and forever…