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Nations -2

Dear nations

As long as mummy has air(never take it for granted so when pride kicks in, remember who lendest you breath)

I was saying, as long as mummy has breath, hold unto these hands mahogany…i however can’t wait to tell you about whose hands hold us all.

I won’t promise to stop the storm for you, but will always try protect your eyes from the dust( for your eyes are far more precious than diamonds) and be your wind breaker

Always keep the stars in your eyes and dreams in your heart. Jeremiah was sent to prophecy to nations….you are Nations

 

3/3/2018

Dear heart

So it’s been another long while and the rains were heavy this January. Imagine we had a tornado! Luckily it did hit the ground. In my language, it would be a twister but well…

So how are you, how have you been?

You told me quite a number of lies last season and as much as I let you flow with it, I know that you lied. Anyway, I hope life is treating you better.

It’s yet again the season of flowers(oh how I love flowers), gifts exchange, cheap small talk, many other lies and love ( how I love, love). I love to love especially people without homes in their hearts but also I love to watch from afar, people being drowned in love.

I wonder which of these you are surprising me with this time, I pray not a can of many other lies. Because unlike the last seasons, I am more set to leave than before, the fear of being lonely was only words of the brain and the voices in my head but now I know better. So, you have one more. Just one more chance to either choose me or another. Don’t try to keep me hoping you will stay, I need to have faith in you so show more than you state it. (faith without works is dead).

Don’t keep reciting (I love you) when you gave yourself to another and more than you say to me, you show them. (like in the for coloured girls….) my love is too sanctified to have it thrown back in my face.

Truly

Me

Day 4

So yesterday I was thinking about Christmas and how it was exciting back in the day when my dad would get his bicycle and the boys get the panga and i just followed and we went up to cut the tree and we would find my mother with a tin well sealed and full of sand with egg shells ready to place our tree. The scent of the freshness of the tree jeez….Then we would have toilet paper cut out in and use it for decoration along with gift wrappers, then snow the tree with cotton and tie sweets around for the night, then my mother would make sure we all have gifts under the tree (i don’t know how she managed to do this because we weren’t just two but seven. Then she would add the red father Christmas that we had to blow air into alongside the balloons then wake us up 3am to unwrap gifts the morning of Christmas. It was such a joy…

And while I was there wondering whether i could have this old Christmas back or if kids these days will see more than the artificial trees and know the joy of lighting a fresh tree on 20th (Oh yes, our tree was always lit by 20th with our strands of disco lights) then we had all the local Christmas songs playing the whole month. Anyway, as i was wondering, i saw an ML 350. I stopped to think. I always wish i could stop the owners and tell them to just give me a lift or let me sit for 5 mins or just tap on it just to get the anointing but then i also remind myself that they didn’t work for it in a day so i console myself and go to sleep for the lord knows my heart and he says, “whatsoever you shall desire….”

 

letter to EB

Dear Father, 

I woke up earlier than usual that day especially because I wasn’t  going to work. I had all kinds of feelings and emotions and wasn’t sure where to place them so I tossed and turned in my bed. My stomach almost got running, my heart kept skipping because for this whole while I hadnt never figured out how this shall be. You didn’t teach me or even prep me for goodbyes. So I woke up with suitcases on my mind and when I looked at the corner of my bedroom, I broke down. I needed a hug, how was I going to be able to do this. 

Knowing that I ain’t gonna wake up to “who is here, will you go to work today, what is the plan today? What do I think we should do? I got some eggs for you, don’t go without eating some this. Jeez, when they told me growing up was hard, it didn’t sink. Today it has twice sunk and I lay down thinking, how?…. 

There’s a beautiful love shinning on my heart.I know I shall always walk by with and trust to light my path

But honestly, farewell was too soon. For the twenty something years, for the times we both prepared ourselves for this emotionally, it was too soon.okay maybe it wasn’t but The word I wouldn’t say that night was,good bye

He will take good care of me, it will be a while before I adjust fully. Am going to miss you daily but eish what are phones for even. And when I can’t contain it, he will bring me home or I will come by myself. I won’t escape, I will come give u a hug, tell you about my week maybe, laugh and love. I will be okay. However, I hope for these twenty something years, I have been the daughter under your roof that you dreamt of. I am not saying goodbye. Kankomewo 

I love you

#ItWasAs

Me

#UgBlogWeek. The Future of Story Telling #Day4

I was raised in a society that was never silent. It was unusual to spend the day with no Drama or have a silent night. It was either a woman screaming from domestic abuse, or footsteps thumping because a thief had escaped or a drunkard singing or loud music playing because someone bought a new radio. During in day it was policemen patrolling and drunkards trying to save the thief because its someone they grew up with, or co wives fighting. It was never silent as this morning.

He came alone on a police motorbike. The mob was furious. “Are you going to carry the corpse on your head?” Yet in the beginning they were all afraid of making the police report because they were afraid of being called suspects in the murder. He came with a notebook and after the hauling, he sent for a patrol and police dog. But like you know our societies, they had already stepped over the place but luckily the chairman had come quick and told them they were tampering with evidence incase they brought a police dog and even told them its easy for the Dog to report them when they are innocent (not sure how true that is). Anyway, she had been murdered, undressed and packed into a sack. No one recognised her so we couldn’t tell she was from the same village. But when the police dog arrived, it quickly took turn into the neighboring village. We have been watching these murders on news, hearing about them and as much as my society used to have drama, murders were never part of it. Rape a couple of times and just because we know each other try to have each others backs doesn’t make all our sins justified for the law. However, I was told about “Mayumba Kumi”. It’s hard to find a fenced house in my society, those fenced have no gates, so they are still accessible. It’s easy to tell who is new on the village because the village Drunkard will announce, The people’s chairman (we choose one just for just nothing political) Is always alerted. The water collection centers know because we don’t have many so either way one has to fetch from either of the five and the owners will tell the face is new.

Anyway, its #UgBlogWeek and the theme Whats your vision of the future of story telling. The silence on my village this morning wasnt because they were in shock, They were actually scared. They were afraid to speak. The Future will have more of these, media will be censored and people will be afraid to tell their stories. how does one tell the world they were raped? As much as its okay, the stigma is real on certain things. we have got all these talks about HIV/Aids and the stigma is still not dead even with positive living. We have stories of friends disappearing for political reasons but no one is quick to question. we are afraid, we shall be more afraid. We shall tell tales and stories only in the comforts of our homes due to fear of being misheard or judged or misquoted. We shall go back to times of sitting at fires and telling our children what the media never got courage to let the world know. We will write/blog and still refuse to detail because we are afraid.

Who will go for us?

A FOOL THAT QUICKLY FELL IN LOVE-3

Image

I had been called a fool for falling in love to fast, I complained until i agreed. If foolishness got me this then i never want to sober up. I mean with a man who smells as fresh as the air at the golf course field in the morning, that pampering, good sense of humour and loves like Goma on commandment , who wouldn’t want to stay foolish. I was told it wouldnt last even a month and yet we are just at forever. I lost some friends for being too quick, but why would i keep pretending and buying time to say yes to a man i had fallen for? And my being too quick has turned my story into a mills and boons and i love it.

Two years of dating down and while I wasn’t complaining,he went to see my dad. he had dropped me off several times and i had mentioned him a couple of times while having girl talk with my mother, He went to ask for a blessing (i don’t know why he didn’t ask me first but i guess he already knew i would say yes). My dad told him he would ask me so he came back and He proposed Huray!. It was nothing like stopping the band but it was band in its own way because we got a lot of hooting from car drivers that felt late. He stopped traffic for just a minute while we drove home he packed in the road and double indicated went over to the traffic guy and told him he just need one minute of the road, right there he was on his knee, i said yes and we drove home where he had hired a chef and a table arranged for two. I wasnt just excited i was over the moon even the next day when i told the girls its like it had just happened. My excitement was cut short however when i called my mother to tell her and she said ‘am happy for you girl but your brothers don’t think he is the best partner‘ Oh yeah I went home, asked all of them who was to live with him and why? And they said, artists are never serious and its soon for you. excuse you!. Well I told them since they wont allow me leave the admirable way, the way i dreamt of doing it, as long as my parents agree, am gone. I went back to my “world” we talked about it and agreed to give it time. Meanwhile, i my routine didn’t change.

One year down and they still didn’t agree, I eloped!

The Man with whom i share my Bed(3)

Today we step out – Family planning.

He got the things from me and placed them wherever they needed to be. He handed me the ice cream and turned on the TV so we could get started. I sat down my legs raised into the sofa and begun to dig into my icecream as he connected the DVD player to the TV. He joined me and I offered him a spoon. We watched “Woman thou at loosed”. I love movies. i pay attention to everything from cast to music to the costumes to criticising the plot. At some point my eyes were filling up with water from the emotions awakened by the movie. When it was done he went off to the bedroom to catch some soccer as i continued with the movies. I watched gifted and when it was half time of the match, he came by, warmed and served lunch. I paused the movie and followed him to the bedroom to give him company as he watched the game. (i know eating in the bedroom is bad). I kept scrolling through my phone once in a while and when i was done taking the plates to the kitchen. i cleaned up and took a nap. He stayed trying to work on something on his laptop in the living room. Before i knew it was night. Thank God he purchased enough movies. So while he slept off i made myself busy.

Morning was here and we all got dressed to head to the clinic. We drove singing to Eric Wainana(yes, he took time to appreciate the music I like). At the Clinic we met a male attendant who took us through the family planning methods and when we were done, we agreed i would use the IUD. We had it inserted before we left. Then we headed out to the mall. We picked up a few groceries. Next week, honeymoon would be done so we needed to stock up some things. At the mall, he pushed the cart around and carried the bags to the car (isn’t he a gentle man!). We had lunch at the food court at the mall before we went back home.

All I can say the first year of our marriage was bliss. It was like we were in the movies. Like fine wine. A few misunderstandings but most of it, we laughed and enjoyed each other. I didn’t scream about the sex no more, i learnt to walk about naked, the IUD was Taken out and was taken on a second honeymoon on our wedding anniversary and it was time to add another member to our huge house.

I conceived and when I was sure i was positive and was ready to share the news, i came up with a dinner plan and that’s the night my fairytale ended…My phone rang before i could hatch the plan and bake it and the voice at the other end was of a woman. “i am looking for my husband?” Wrong number i said and hang up. She called back. i picked again. “Madam, aren’t you called Tracy Sendagire?” i agreed.’Is their a problem?’ “It depends on what you call a problem, well, i am looking for Mr Sendagire, your husband. I can’t reach him but please tell him, his son is very ill so he should call me back.” She hung up and hang me……

The Man with Whom i Share my Bed (2)

How do you want to be loved Today?

He said as he looked through the drawers for where i relocated his underwears. “they are on the upper side on your left”. I said as i slipped on my pair of black jeans. “How do you want to be loved today?” he asked again and i wasnt sure what he meant. ‘Well, i could use a movie, icecream and some good food’. I said. “very well then, since we are keeping indoors today again, i will order all of that in.” i didn argue. Either way, we didnt have any food in the house. But then, he added “Why are you over dressed?” Well, i thought today we would step out. ” no my love, he said drawing close. Maybe tomorrow.

I took off my jeans and pulled out a kanga. Either way i love to wear these wraps when am home. Clothes feel too hot. Only that this time round its a new home and just two people occupying it. I knew i had to losen up with time because am going to live like this forever. He went to the living room and i over heard him ask the Boda guy to pick up some movies and food and the icecream. (somehow i found myself following him around the house). We sat down together in the living room. His hand over my shoulder and my head against his bare chest. I had known this man for four years. He was my friend besides everything that went on last night(i am still shy). “i cant wait to spend eternity with you.” he said kissing my forehead. ‘Lets start with forever, eternity seems wide’ we both laughed then silence fell. We sat staring at blankly at the tv we all refused to turn on. All over a sudden he said. “i know we should have babies but not now”. We had discussed this way before and i wonder why he had to say it now after last night. “Tomorrow we should go to a clinic that does family planning and see how to enjoy this first year of our marriage just ourselves.” I like the idea but maybe i needed last night so that i dont feel embarrased at the clinic. He is a doctor, he could do it himself but he wanted to give me the chance of learning and understanding a few things since it was my body and i liked how much he considered me. Well our Child talk was interrupted by the boda guy’s knock at the gate. So we didnt get to agree on the names because i had to attend to the gate.

Mugole(bride) he said with an excited face Tusanyuse okulaba(we are glad to have you)…Am going to choke from this shyness soon. Kale…i said with a smile. He handed me the package and started his bike to leave. I stood at the gate so that i could close before i go¬† back in after he has left (the gate man only works night) Twagala balongo (we want twins) he said as he drove away….Now the demand for babies begins i thought aloud….

The Man with whom i share my Bed(1)

He woke up stretching, I was standing by the bed, leaning against the bar that holds the mosquito net up and staring down at him. He said Good morning and i responded with a sly smile. ‘Slept well i can see’…i said starting to walk towards the bathroom. and your breakfast is ready, i banged the door and turned on the shower.

I unwrapped my rob and felt the temperature with my fingers just before I stood under the shower. I Just wanted to sit under it for a while but i knew i wasnt alone anymore and he would ask what was keeping me long. I let the water slowly kiss and run over my skin. Thoughts of last night came flashing back. They just couldn’t go away. I scrubbed my body like i had been defiled. Is this what virginity at 30 smells like? It had hurt. I did scream, lucky enough our house stands alone so i didn’t have neighbours that would come knocking at my door to check for a problem.

He had been so tender with me but it still hurt. He had drawn the curves of my body like he was sketching out his next art piece. The ambiance was good. Dave koz playing softly (i mean my mourns call the noise kept hitting higher than the jazz). He softly caressed my nipples (i had never seen them that hard) Where did he even learnt all this from. How many other women has he sketched out like this. He had kissed and breathed against my neck. He had in fact left a Hickey(i saw it this morning when i got up to prepare breakfast). He buried his head in-between my legs and i recall pleading that he switched off the lights. I was shy he was sniffing and licking my NIN. I was out of breath and could not even say the word stop without spelling it..S..T..O…O…P… But he didn’t, he kept going till my legs started to tremble like a breeze of cold air had brushed quickly against my skin. He was back to my face, rubbing and kissing my lips, he dived into my breasts. I wanted to call for help….But i have avoided this way too long it had to happen ne way or another

I looked down at my fingers and their it was. The golden wedding band i got the last week. It was shinning. I quickly cleansed my body and grabbed my towel and moved out of the bathroom. He was standing completely naked searching the tv channels(was this how everyday was going to turn out?) That was a long shower he said….Let me also go in then come and see what we have today….I nodded while I pulled out the stool at my dressing table(my Senga had gifted me with this on the eve of my Traditional wedding). Their he was in a few seconds…out of the shower naked stood the man with whom am going to share my bed forever….

 

Should I call him Daddy?

She said,”mama, let’s go out and do some shopping. I hope he likes this dress on me. Mam, do you think he likes blue, do you even still recall the things he like?”.

She saw her little girl trying to look her best for her very first meet with her dad. She had showed him pictures on several occasions, he had promised on several occasions that he would come and see her but never turned up. She cried in her mother’s arms for 3 years and would wake up smiling and believing he would one day come and that day had arrived. She looked at her six-year-old daughter paying attention to every detail like she was going for her school dance and teared. “mama, are you crying?” she asked drawing closer to her mother. “No, sweetheart, am happy seeing that I have raised such a beautiful girl.” they hugged. She whispered, Daddy will like it. he will like whatever you pick up. He can’t resist such a gorgeous girl. Pulling out, she said,Mama, should i be calling him daddy or…Yes darling. Whatever happened, he is still your father.

But mama, i wasnt good enough for him, it’s why he left. She said no, darling, You were too good and he didn’t want to taint the image of you before finding himself. So tone it down, meet him half way. Okay baby?.

 

They left and went home to prepare for lunch. She pulled out a box and brought it to her mother. She had been writing letters to him for the past three years. hoping that at each birthday he would surprise her and come so she would have a chance to read them to him. she asked, if it was okay to do it today and she said yes. A knock at the door and she rushed out all smiles. She followed her, opened the door and their he was. With her smile still plastered on her face she said, “you are welcome, please come in.” He went in and sat down. She pulled her little chair and sat in front of him. ‘My name is Yetta. mummy likes to call me sunshine.’She said as she extended her hand. He said. Nice to meet you Physically Yetta. They both went silent after that.

‘I have something for you.’Yetta went in and pulled out a shirt they picked out together at the mall. She had asked her mum what kind of things he liked back in the day. She came out and handed him a green Polo shirt and stood back like a scout on parade waiting for him to say something but he didn’t so her mother interrupted…

She had been watching them both as she laid the table. she went into the kitchen after everything, tried to suspend her tears and once she was ready she came out and said, “hello Phillip. How have you been”?. I have been fine. How are you both?. We are in love. she said looking down at her little girl. Lunch is served lets please get to the dinning. She added as she turned to lead the way. They sat down, Yetta said the grace and they ate in silence. Her little girl stared at the man she is supposed to call father and tears filled her eyes. She was speechless. She stood up walked up to him, his head buried into the plate in front of him, she reached out and held his face in her little palms and said “Daddy, Mama and I are happy but maybe we would have been a little happier……Tears filled his eyes. It’s the first time she had ever seen the father of her child egoless……He said, “i refuse to cry today, it’s a happy day as he tried to fight back the tears. His voice was breaking.

she stood up to clear the table. Philip spoke out to his little girl, “baby, i love you. I should have stayed”. She was dying to hear those words for sometime as much as her daughter. “today has been a little bit awkward. I need to be ready…” He added kneeling down before Yetta. I love the shirt. Thank you very much. I see you have got taste. Allow me to leave now and soon as am ready i pray it will be better. She said, “daddy there’s still time. Tell God about it and talk to mummy…..(She drew closer to whisper) “we have lots of space for you”….. He got up said thank you to his daughters mother and left…..