Tag: life

nations 10

So today I went in for the usual check and the pressure was too high so they retained me. I don’t even know why it’s up hmm..way up. I have to be admitted for a night so that they can monitor it and if all goes well, we go home or it goes bad and we go for the options that i don’t exactly want to think about.

I lay down here with Kaka (God bless mothers) and My dad on phone calling every hour and Papa seated out waiting. Medication is being given but I am very hopeful we will go home. i like how calm and active you are in Thea. Don’t give up on me, because i am determined to carry this sheaf of grain till proper harvest. I have called Dr Apollo and he says the same for other options but here we are. God knows our hearts…Kemmy came by and told us to drink Hehe so we are going to drink..

10am next day

The pressure is stable (thank God) we are going home. Am not sure I will forget the screaming of all those ladies in labor, i pray we don’t get screaming too *hides face* My Champion, dear nations, we are going home. Papa is worried so we will go to Kaka till harvest.

4/10/2018

When she left

You were priotising your job

You didn’t care about her emotions

You thought she was being dramatic calling every hour

She left when you stopped having time for her

She left long before she walked out

When you refused to return her calls

When u started to put her in the shadows

Her heart walked out long before she left.

When the things that made her smile started becoming a burden

When you stopped cheering her on even at the least of effort

She left when the outsiders noticed her clothes before you did

When winning with her became a one man’s struggle

She left when she stopped feeling appreciated

When her heart couldn’t handle the absence and she felt like she was dating herself

When behind the lines, you said you were doing her a favor

She killed all her dreams because you said she was too ambitious and you didn’t like it

She was long gone before she walked out.

The silence that deafened the stereo

The nitty gritty judgement you subtly threw at her

Her heart left when she noticed she was in love with herself and only herself was in this relationship

But that day, you didn’t show pay ay attention to her illness and simply said you were thinking about her

Your absence in the past trying moment of her life

She could have lost her life but your speech and actions didn’t match.

Then she was done….and slowly prepared her heart for the exit.

All she needed was Abit of presence and some spare time. Even and hour of attention a day wouldn’t hurt. But she knew, love alone wasn’t enough.

She went home expected no closure even when her brain demanded.

She left then….

The Dream

She was two faced

a beautiful girl, well i hadn’t seen her with makeup

then her shadow, when she had a naked face

nothing godly about her even when she worshiped like the angels

she was a reverend’s girl

we all tend to think they are ruined

and besides her voice and humble demeanor

we didn’t see much

he was the Alpha male

his old smile didn’t match his youthfulness

like he was broken

yet he seemed very lively

he was manly and carried such a presence

that he wouldn’t leave the room unrecognized

BUT never came off as the hot guy that show-stopped

His look, made her feel owned

and when he kissed her,

he crickets held their breath,

the moon stood still

and the sun set out of his chest to his smile when he let go

She didn’t tame the Alpha male in him,

She made him a show-stopper

She didn’t dream alongside him,

She made him the dream

the Pride of lions

One Goal

September Birthday Prompts

Its my birthday month yeaaaaaaah and i am getting twenty-fine. Jeez….this is growth! I don’t want to write letters this time round, so i decided to look for some prompts…

One goal i would like to achieve this month……A FAMILY ALTER

#PuzzledLines

I sit here with stones in my chest

filling up space where hope used to lie

looking at life and wondering

what is self love

what is selfishness

what is love even

Love?

that thing that i aborted from the chambers of my heart

that feeling that i don’t want to feel again

i get goosed up each time a man makes a pass

or even innocently …(no, nothing is innocent about men)

genuinely…(i don’t think the word works)

but that point when they seem to actually feel

But he did show all that Until my 10th birthday

When he sneaked into my room

wearing his white tunic and his grey beard almost glowing

Now,

I sit here with stones in my chest

filling up space where hope used to lie

continuously trying to convince people am good enough

or am lovable

They say love is effortless

it comes naturally

but how effortless

how do you find beauty in the broken

a kind of broken that only finds love in a wine bottle

and hope in a glass of tequila?

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His scent….

I don’t know where he has been

What he has been doing

better still what he has endured for the day

His face covered in pimple sweat drops

His pleated sleeves neatly folded to his elbows

Smartly ironed trousers

But his scent……

He wore no cologne

Didn’t smell sweet either

He smelled like a tire

Or let’s say, a mixture of tire, sweat and bad deodorant

Gave him a scent similar to that of a he-goat

Do his women find his scent sexy?

Do sportsmen smell like this and still distribute hugs

Is this a scent of hustle

But like I said

I don’t know where he has been or he is going to?

I don’t even know half the things on his mind

Growing up can tire sometimes

Maybe sometimes this scent is allowed

Especially when not sweating on someone before taking a birth

Granny

27th June,

She is here, Grandma.

Today Facebook reminded me, i thought it will just be another memory

but then, Facebook doesn’t know which memories we like to re-read or not

i said i wouldn’t cry but now i feel my nose do that thing it does when i hold tears back hard

She is here!

she has her father’s smile and Bugingo’s eyes. she is Beautiful, grandma.

Just like you always said she would be one day

She is warm like her father and Jolly like her mama (haha)

I know you have seen her

she is petite too and has very beautiful hair

Ooh Lord!! she is Cake. And i love her

Yes i have too much of that to pour out

I have told her alot about you

and yes, she loves her names.

 

Still waters run deep and sometimes i feel like inside me is an ocean full of unsaid words

Taxi tales

I see him almost every other time that i take a taxi after work. Clad in his Kaunda shirt, his beard greying and unkempt. His eyes, his eyes….He clenches his green hankie in his right hand and pockets his left firmly into the front pockets of his Kaunda. He usually sits right next to the conductor even if the taxi was empty when he got in.

Thoughts in my head “he is old, he should be home resting while his kids take care of him or probably doing something that wont have him moving“. Once i was lost in thought when i saw another man probably in his late 60s. He looked famished and worn out, he was slouching but he was slashing outside an office. my heart sunk, my mind wondered again.

I saw the old man yesterday morning, around 7am. I am not sure if it was his son or grandson, he was in company of a young boy who looked slightly like him. The young boy who was wearing an old uniform and canvas without socks held his hand and led him to the Taxi and waited till he sat. At his usual sit, wearing his usual clothes. I found out this day that he was blind, i prefer to say visually impaired. At first i always thought he had squints but today i found out he wasn’t. His left hand was also impaired and in his pocket he was tightly holding unto 5000shs that he was using as taxi fare (guessing he holds it so he doesn’t have to be cheated by people he cant trust to tell him what exact note he is holding). I wanted to know his story, i was dying to see who picks him up when he gets to his stop, i wanted to be able to help maybe share my 1000shs with him. But i was at the back, i couldn’t even whisper to him and i got off before he did.

i hope i see him again, i hope i can have a cup of tea with him but i am afraid he might never want to sit down for tea with a stranger.

Nations -9

17/6/2018

Today i felt movements while i sat at my desk. I surely have been worried about this because friends said by now i should be feeling some stretches. Truth is i still dont know if what i felt are movements or gas, i just haven yet learnt how to well distinguish every thing i feel but moving on….am excited. Yesterday i did introduce you to music, dont worry i will make sure everyday u have a musical session however am afraid to say it will only be gospel especially worship. (i know u know why)

Well, i cant wait to learn how to distinguish…Google said, first time it takes a while but dont worry about google…i am attentive.

WRITING

Sipping my tea at a cafe
I saw them,

holding hands and laughing as they sipped on their smoothies
i felt them,

warm and watery. The tears ran on my rounded cheeks onto my cup.

I sniffed.
You were the poison

And yet I kept drinking from your cup.

I could have broken under the weight of my past,

trying to rectify and please
maybe question and sulk.

I don’t even know why i kept coming back but i guess it was revision not to repeat the same mistake twice.

Your mess was a qualification for my love.
I let my love pull down the strongholds of those memories and silence the accusing voices and i loved HIM

gave him my heart like it hadn’t been hurt before
gave him my soul like it was a lollipop,
i let him take total control
i wasn’t worried about another mess,
it was only one heart and i was positive it would heal
yet still, i had high hopes in HIM
since then, its been handled like a fine piece of glass,

an accolade
and i am at rest

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