Tag: Love

puzzledline33

she sat by the fire

stitched together by song lyrics,

book quotes,late night conversations

feelings she thought she had forgotten

and the smell of tea

The burning firewood smelt like love.

she sat at the cafe today after a very long time.

alone with a book

(i don’t know the last time i ever sat like this).

she whispered to herself

besides the fire, all her body knew;

were fleece blankets and the darkness of her room

she closed out the world and drew her curtains

today the tea and darkness couldn’t ease the pain

she went out.

and when the clouds started to form,

she waited, stood the rain and warmed up in the cafe

a small place that reminded her of her un-birthed dreams.

a double cappuccino and chocolate chip cookies please

she stared out at the rain hitting the windows.

pulled out her book and smiled.

nothing felt more alive

In My 20s lessons

22: Know when to hold on and when to let go. Letting go is very important

23: Trust worthy people wont make you question whether/when/how to trust them

24: People don’t fall apart because they are busy, they fall apart due to their differences. Busy isn’t an excuse to keep the fire burning because when you care, you can keep the fire and attend to another. set priorities

25: Love, love, love it wont take anything off you. give someone hope, uplift someone.

26: No matter the challenge, hurt,grief, pain,troubles. God is still faithful and he is still on the throne. He answers YES and yes only that the yes may not fall to your side of the prayer but it will still be a yes. Trust him, he has the grand plan

27: NEVER take your parents for granted. Don’t assume they know nothing about your generation, they may not keep up with trends but never underestimate them

28: Always try and give 100% effort in all you do. Control your emotions. Be proactive. Listen more than you talk. Don’t follow the crowd, do what you love

29: Don,t be afraid to go all out. Go in fail, try again. Will it work, how will they receive this version of me, how will i finance it?(this has been my mistake and i have to tackle it this new year). It doesn’t matter what they think or say, does it make you happy, satisfied and nourishes your soul?. they will always talk whether good or bad, If you don’t take a leap of faith now, you will only stay wishing. Mostly GUARD YOUR HEART

Retaking 2020 next year

In my 20s

I should have known;

Experience is much more precious than money. I wish i acquired much of it. But also this my Uganda, wants experience to have you as a team player and they don’t add you without it so i wonder where they expect we get it. But i get it, maybe if i didn’t need money i could have worked free for the experience

2: Be who you truly are. well, my 20s, i was still discovering myself especially because my parents did a good job at parenting and partly led me in there shadow but also never ending school didn’t give me time. I however learned the past couple of years that as much as i was outgoing and all, i FEAR fame. I DON’T like being the center of attention, so i learned about my love for privacy

3: Be yourself and don’t struggle to impress people you wont exactly be in touch with as years go by. I have learned that as we grow, our circle grows smaller too

4: Take good care of your body or you will have to pay the price later (i hate gym and working out) but i have learned to eat healthy because health is better than biceps for me

5: It isn’t wise to waste time on the person who breaks your heart because Lawwd that experience grows, grooms and humbles you. But use that hurt as a stepping stone

6: Self love. Be selfish if you must when it comes to self because my dear, no one , NO ONE ever pours from an empty cup. so don’t serve bitterness

7: Its important to take time off. Learn to relax, take a holiday, take that trip if you must (and of course can afford it) Do things for yourself. Don’t wait on the group members, none will be in queue during final plans

8: Time waits for no man. From 10years of age, i have owned a wrist watch thanks to my mum. I was able to tell time by 7, thanks to my dad and the multiplication recitals he forced on us we learnt the table of x5 quicker because it what tells time. He taught us to appreciate and respect time, i mean if i tell you 5pm its 5pm not 5 past 5pm. i will be gone after that 5 mins allowance.

9: find pride in having enough. I don’t want too much that will make me lose sleep and peace. i don’t want little that will make me ungrateful. i want enough. but also first know what it means having little or nothing its then that you will appreciate plenty or be trusted with plenty. (i mean even the holy book says so)

10: Most important lesson HAPPINESS. if it makes you lose peace, you can do without it. If it makes you sad, trash it. NEVER compromise on happiness. that’s your wealth, your heart, your gold. That is where your wealth is. HAPPINESS

11;:FAMILY. i know many times we say some friends are better than family. but that’s because those friends understood that unit. There’s a reason God came up with the idea. The strongest unit. God created humans to live as a family unit. He knew that we would have many ups and downs in our family relationships and He provided guidance and wisdom for every situation. Proverbs 11:29

Pain romanced

I have Romanced pain

Dated it, slept with it

Held an caressed it

Even when it hurt, I smiled

When they questioned, I defended

They they said let go

It wasn’t that bad for me.

Yet I still cried myself to sleep

Woke up choking on my mucus

Smiled to my wounded heart

Forced the image in the mirror to smile

It convinced me, I was beautiful

Told me I could never be better

Made me believe, that was my start and finish

I sat at high tables

My legs crossed at the knee

Red soles, red lips tic and flawless hair

They envied me, so their was no way I could speak up

I smiled for the camera

And swayed my hair for haters

Or I was the hater

I knew I was in a bad place with pain

Maybe married to it

Caressed and romanced it

We couldn’t let go of each other

Until the emptiness turned into death

I was a moving shell

A zombie

A corpse. Am image of myself

Then I knew the romance was over

I was dead.

Does sex get better with age?

image not mine. just found it .

Do you believe you can drive a car for 20 years and still be a bad driver?

So what do you mean sex gets better with age because of experience?

Experience was the most given response from people on social media where I posted the question

Does sex get better with age?

Well, I don’t know because maybe my age hasn’t come. But at the start mine, wasn’t as bad (but I also like to sex it’s an overrated sport (don’t shoot. A few people might agree)

Someone said it was bad while they were beginning that is because they were amateur and now they know what to do, they have learnt their bodies and can explore a lot of things

However, what happens when your partner isn’t adventurous as you. Some people are very conservative and preserved and women might want to explore more than men. Yes, you are willing to teach them and all but then what happens if they aren’t willing to learn when they worship the missionary or aren’t willing to try our all those crazy positions?

Well one mentioned they would throw them in the bin ha-ha but hey…we all can’t be adventurous. They didn’t believe that men can be conservative unless virgin

So let’s discuss the “sex-ploration” that everyone relates with the experience.  You might have a discussion with your partner and they still aren’t up for the cuffs, toys, anal or the oral. Yes you know your body better and all but to some people it’s just in and out and we are over.

Both participants must be on the same page it’s not about the age another said. Commitment and Contentment of each other should be at the forefront. Therefore it gets more satisfying with age. Keyword being satisfying. It gets better with time not age. Then you know what you want and how to please each other. Sex needs a clear mind. You will both love and enjoy it. And it should be communicative stop going in like you await Holy Communion

Some people age arrogantly and badly so they end up taking the juice and desire out of everything in  you that you lose the desire and interest. Otherwise sugar daddies and mommies wouldn’t be spending just to get laid. (Huh I have no idea what is in it for them but we roll)

Did someone say Climaxing episodes change? Well let me keep aging maybe I will know.

As we get older we get more intentional they said. But I don’t think anyone starts out like oops! We usually put our minds to it. Being intentional really matters with sex, I doubt you will enjoy it raped even as a virgin unless it was intentional it might turn out to be something you hate. Focus on pleasure and partner is important

Another said it gets better but the energies drop. I agree. Growing up is a trap with all the responsibilities and work in your basket, many times you just want to get done with it or just sleep. Some people are having it as a duty. I don’t know the number of women I have heard saying they many times lie about being on their period or sick just not to give it. Sometimes they are exhausted, or really sick other times they think like “does it have to be a daily sport!” Anyway I don’t know what runs through many heads since this talk is avoided by many people (psssh some people in-boxed me because they were shy to type online afraid of who will read and judge ha-ha). We have been made to believe discussing sex publicly is immoral I guess.

What is better sex? What is sex/what is age? Usually when you are beginning out the thrill, the excitement the guilt, the fear of being caught, that secretiveness is what makes it thrilling and fun I guess. But what happens when we are no longer on the age when you are at the age where you have it with no one questioning even if you aren’t publicly making the announcement but you are probably committed and living with this person or you have the responsibilities. Do we even know how to stop and explore and it’s not about a duty to each other. I have spoken to women who don’t know what an orgasm feels like.

Knowing what you both want is what makes it better I guess. Getting to a point where you can explore each other like a piece of art

But then someone asked, with such thoughts, is it the trill you are enjoying or the sex. I would say both. That’s why some prefer pain while others prefer sooth romance

Is sex love?

He said it was but then what happens to friends for benefits, do they have love involved. Let’s say it’s supposed to be love because love is a fixed thing like variables

Sex needs a clear mind. You will both love and enjoy it.

I think with perfect communication sex is better age isn’t the issue, Attraction also matters so please take care of how you look or present yourself.

Well what do you think? Let’s discuss

We will discuss the 30s horn soon I be hearing about

When the heart hurts

let this cup…overflow? no, not with this pain.
Let this cup…empty

when the heart hurts,it speaks.
every song that plays relates
every poetic line shouts
the tears flow
the food tastes different
the breeze hits different
the winter coat on a sunny day
the breath, the breath breaks

when the heart hurts
it goes to Calvary and bleeds
weeps for the time
like why the hell doesn’t time stand still
why the hell is the cloud over the head dark

yet when it hurts beautifully
the memories play, the smile never fades
insanity and mental health
depression because its holding on
holding unto a candle that burned out
ashes that can never rebuild
When the heart hurts,
therapy is never enough

no mental institute can resolve
no law can align it
When the heart hurts, it dies.
It doesn’t stop (i wonder why)
but it dies that nothing ever makes the same sense again
Its a prison with an open door, beautiful lawns and an empty house.

puzzledline #26

oh tell me my love, what is it that caused you to tear

was it his recklessness or the unseriousness

did he say he wasn’t ready yet he led you on

or was it the unending ghosting and silly excuses

Was it the surprise parties he kept throwing

the endless gifts he showered you with

the too good to be true affection

or you are just an emotional peep

do you tear over things you see on tv?

Tell me my love,

Is it the endless complaints

and the cheating

or the girl he kept throwing in your face.

If it was the flowers, its okay.

Those things tend to make us sneeze so we tear

so do the perfumes and the love songs

Wait, was it the love song when you broke up

or the sad songs that spoke to your heart

or the movie scenes that reminded you of him

Was it because you were overwhelmed and your boss couldn’t stop yelling

Or the kids that never seemed to get independent

its okay, it doesn’t matter

regardless, its okay to tear, its therapy to the soul

Letters 21

I want to write to you a letter my love.

A letter of love, a letter of thought, a letter under the stars.

I lay on my bed staring at the ceiling wishing I had those sticker stars that glow. I stare into the emptiness of the dark. Wondering if one wishing star could just swing by 👌🏼for a while. I am imagining a house with no roof. Perhaps a glass house by the beach

You know I love sunsets because they give me hope and make me feel accomplished. So a glass house by the beach would give me a perfect view. But I also love a dark sky on a cold night. Stars twinkling around a full moon.

A whole horizon at the neck of the sea, still waters whispering sweet nothings. The day was beautiful but with more chaos than expected. I need some quiet right here. Here where my thoughts speak nothing and my heart says … beautiful! ….

Where the waves kiss the shore a bit more loud and the palms sweat in harmony. In this hammock I wanna fall asleep hugging my knees and smiling at the stillness of my soul. Perhaps silently lay with you listening to the music of your heart. But, right here , I wanna lay alone to reflect on …. nothing!… but also about nothing because I just want to listen to nothing but my heart, the stars , the waves and the whispers of the wind. Here, is where I want to teach my soul about my heart, my mind about my body and my body, the language of love.

CRIMES OF PASSION

Sydney sims -unsplash

So, while I was scrolling through Facebook and twitter I land on this Obituary/ death announcement of an IHK nurse that was hacked to death by her husband INFRONT OF HER KIDS no you didn’t hear me. He axed her in the sight of her children. Well, according to the people that seem to know the story. But it’s not the first case. Women a buried in septic tanks.

Last week a video was posted the lady was smashing the man’s car and the man was recording while telling the kids “see your mother is mad” and she was asking him to stop feeding her kids with lies she isn’t mad. She was getting back at him for something but that’s a story we online don’t know so we can’t tell reason for reaction. She was criticized in all ways positive and negative but I got lots of questions on my mind and why such crimes seem justified and why the law has to first check the mental health of the criminal to be sure he is mentally steady. My heart sunk for the kids. The image, the sight will never depart. I really pray they find a home (without him) that will nurture them and console and love and take good care of them.

Now the questions. No matter the reason no one deserves to take another life in the name of anger and frustration and I wasn’t thinking nonsense.

We need to change the narrative and stop stigmatizing divorce. Now don’t get me wrong, I know what the bible says and I don’t support divorce, but if it is the only way our or reason to get sanity please get out even God loves the Divorcee (am sure he will understand or not). Especially because I don’t think all marriages are ordained by God. We force ourselves into some because we are pregnant, wealth, love, age, society, peer pressure whatever it is, lust even when we have all the red flags.

First of all it’s okay not to get married, society shouldn’t dictate. It’s okay not to want children or want one or four or 20 as you please not what the world says is right. Don’t give in for the sake of your sanity. It’s also okay to get married at 40 or whatever age you find it right and pleasing.

Did the deceased talk to people? Probably they told her to be strong and hang on.

Are we taught to stay in toxic relationships because we fear the aftermath, the kids, the things built together the memories we hold together? Okay for the sake of Marriage the kids will suffer the break up but they will also suffer consequences of a toxic union so make the right choice because Death shouldn’t be it no matter the choice. We tell these girls everything they should do soon as they hit adolescence but have we rejected the men?

What does a man do in a toxic relationship?

How do they deal with anger?

Many women, myself inclusive live in carelessness because we are taught as African women to uphold family honor and be patient even when it kills your mental, physical and emotional health. We take all the abuse ad “die heroes”.

Who started this narrative?

“That is how marriage is” seems to mean take everything thrown at you. Do you think Christ was stupid to die on the cross or when he said “if you burn marry but being alone is better” Did he build the institution on spite or you think he was drunk to preach love, love in Corinthians.

Why do we prefer to return home in coffins when we left in heels and makeup just at the expense of abuse? Don’t we love ourselves just enough!

Normal men that were groomed well, speak up! Don’t let this eat us all up because of few that were probably broken as young men

Do the church vows need to be revised from “till death do us part” because we shall really die?

My heart is bleeding yet I didn’t even know her in person. Rest in peace Violet Kakai