Tag: relationships

nations 10

So today I went in for the usual check and the pressure was too high so they retained me. I don’t even know why it’s up hmm..way up. I have to be admitted for a night so that they can monitor it and if all goes well, we go home or it goes bad and we go for the options that i don’t exactly want to think about.

I lay down here with Kaka (God bless mothers) and My dad on phone calling every hour and Papa seated out waiting. Medication is being given but I am very hopeful we will go home. i like how calm and active you are in Thea. Don’t give up on me, because i am determined to carry this sheaf of grain till proper harvest. I have called Dr Apollo and he says the same for other options but here we are. God knows our hearts…Kemmy came by and told us to drink Hehe so we are going to drink..

10am next day

The pressure is stable (thank God) we are going home. Am not sure I will forget the screaming of all those ladies in labor, i pray we don’t get screaming too *hides face* My Champion, dear nations, we are going home. Papa is worried so we will go to Kaka till harvest.

4/10/2018

#PuzzledLines

I sit here with stones in my chest

filling up space where hope used to lie

looking at life and wondering

what is self love

what is selfishness

what is love even

Love?

that thing that i aborted from the chambers of my heart

that feeling that i don’t want to feel again

i get goosed up each time a man makes a pass

or even innocently …(no, nothing is innocent about men)

genuinely…(i don’t think the word works)

but that point when they seem to actually feel

But he did show all that Until my 10th birthday

When he sneaked into my room

wearing his white tunic and his grey beard almost glowing

Now,

I sit here with stones in my chest

filling up space where hope used to lie

continuously trying to convince people am good enough

or am lovable

They say love is effortless

it comes naturally

but how effortless

how do you find beauty in the broken

a kind of broken that only finds love in a wine bottle

and hope in a glass of tequila?

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WRITING

Sipping my tea at a cafe
I saw them,

holding hands and laughing as they sipped on their smoothies
i felt them,

warm and watery. The tears ran on my rounded cheeks onto my cup.

I sniffed.
You were the poison

And yet I kept drinking from your cup.

I could have broken under the weight of my past,

trying to rectify and please
maybe question and sulk.

I don’t even know why i kept coming back but i guess it was revision not to repeat the same mistake twice.

Your mess was a qualification for my love.
I let my love pull down the strongholds of those memories and silence the accusing voices and i loved HIM

gave him my heart like it hadn’t been hurt before
gave him my soul like it was a lollipop,
i let him take total control
i wasn’t worried about another mess,
it was only one heart and i was positive it would heal
yet still, i had high hopes in HIM
since then, its been handled like a fine piece of glass,

an accolade
and i am at rest

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Nations 8

12/5/18

I would like that you know the things I love. Life should never be as complicated as the world paints it.

Today I will tell you about my grandma. Your great grandma at that. She is late and maybe I didn’t realize how much I had grown so attached to her until she took her last breath. I love very many people with time you will know.

Mukya, I called her. We shared many things. When I went to the village my grandpa (lord bless his soul) would leave his bed for us. I did love him but maybe God took him before I got to understand him or spend so much time with him. I didn’t frequent the village because the environment change didn’t favor my health a lot and I am my dad’s little wallet. Well, when mukya came to Kampala, we shared a bedroom. Our mornings began with a sleepy long prayer that would wake you if you hoped to continue after and they ended with a prayer that got you dosing but made sure the Amen was heard. Our days were full of hymns in Runyankole. She spoke English only she and I understood. We sang rock of ages till the words stung deep, called Yesu until he said here I am, complained of pain and naked women in music videos, questioned why almost every tv soap had crying women but most of the day we were thankful. Oh yes, we were very thankful that I forgot how to ask God for certain things and be thankful for every small thing because every day was a blessing. We talked about boys and makeup and made jokes about ministers wives because she was one. Oh, she hated lazy everything with her whole life. She liked to work that even in pain she grabbed a hoe. I don’t know how to dig but I promise to pass on everything I learned. (God as my strength)

Am not perfect. Everyday I will fall short even as your mom. But I promise to be on your Team always.

Nations-7

today, we heard your heartbeat while doing the genetic scan and we laughed at how loud it was. Your father said you would be a noisy child and we laughed about it. we missed recording it (your father was too taken up). But he managed to do some recordings of your movements.

you are healthy and i have put on 6kgs this month alone. I am enjoying the journey. Slowly but surely and everyday i say Thank you to God because he has made us Glad!

28/04/2018

Nations-6

Omanyi Katonda asobola Okukyusa eriinya lyo n’ovamu eggwanga Ddamba?

And I will make you a great nation, And I will bless you, And make your name great; And so you shall be a blessing; 3And I will bless those who bless you, And the one who curses you I will curse. And in you all the families of the earth will be blessed.”…

I think i somehow mentioned i dont remember how i concluded at calling you a “Nations”, well, i got it. this was it. Genesis 12:2-4:

I dont Know if i told you about how Dr John laughed at me when i told him i didnt know how to be pregnant or even how to do this thing. But then i neither dont know how i breath, so i answered myself when i went home. God will teach me. this is it.

8/04/2018

I WAS CRUCIFIED

I was crucified…
yes, down on my bed
with ropes of love
and thorns of passion
I was tied down
my body teased till I burnt with so much passion
that my juices couldn’t stop to flow
the only crime was horn
a horn only nature can define
I said i was burning and instead of putting the fire out,
firewood was placed and petrol was sprinkled.
the thieves at my chest saluted in mockery as a petal brushed over them
the river in between my legs lawwd
its turning into a waterfall
one I am not able to control and yet,
his tongue still teases my clit

I am crucified, for a crime I am not guilty
but for a pleasure I love
I wanna keep going
but my breath is giving way
I am whizzing in between my moans
his hands choking me at every thrust
I clench my fists,
I tilt my head
but there’s no room for body movement
my body is speaking a different kinda language today,
my voice is playing a unique note
because this new strummer is a specialist

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caves of her vagina

gifted between her thighs
it’s what she has been limited to
the go to girl when the horn needs to be blown
or when he has had a fight with his madam
the caves of her vagina have nothing different from his madam but,
the way she wiggles her waist at his every thrust,
the way she teases his manhood,
the art on her body and maybe,
the fact that he can draw her curves with his finger
and all her juices flow down like river Nile and pour down like a rainfall
his excitement is just a wet bed and the hide and seek they keep playing with their bodies
he forgets his madam was once that girl
he curves have been redefined by the babies he keeps depositing
and probably hasn’t had single rest because he also turns into another baby around her,
she has forgotten to take care of herself even when she desires to
simply because he hasn’t extended a hand or support
or she ever gets lately is criticism as he showers the other with roses

what does she know?
her body will also soon wear out.

Image

Still picture

You live like a small town in my belly,

empty during day and occupied at night

you party in my mind like it’s a discotheque,

 

turn down the volume of the voices in my head,

lay down with me and hold me close

just for a night because today is all I may ever have

fingers locked, maybe the closest to dating you will ever get

I cant make you love me if friendship is all i will ever get

and I want to hold unto that like it’s the last breath i have in me

I want to wear my heart out for you

but also I need to tuck my sleeve in to keep you close.

 

Hey, you, still picture on my wall

that’s all the covering I will ever get.

the only love I will ever know.

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Nations -2

Dear nations

As long as mummy has air(never take it for granted so when pride kicks in, remember who lendest you breath)

I was saying, as long as mummy has breath, hold unto these hands mahogany…i however can’t wait to tell you about whose hands hold us all.

I won’t promise to stop the storm for you, but will always try protect your eyes from the dust( for your eyes are far more precious than diamonds) and be your wind breaker

Always keep the stars in your eyes and dreams in your heart. Jeremiah was sent to prophecy to nations….you are Nations

 

3/3/2018