Tag: trust

Nothing between us

You short butterflies in my tummy

Yet ignored the smile

I blamed the dust and wind when my eyes watered

Maybe there was nothing between us but

120 days ago I was heart broken

I sat at my fav cafe sipping tea

The spices were too strong my eyes watered

You walked up to me

Told me you have been watching me for years

We became friends

I promised I wasn’t ready or you would be a rebound

But your sweet soul took me to dinner

Asked me out,

When I asked for time you became elusive

Stopped calling and texted only when necessary

I didn’t reject you

When I said wait for me is because I didn’t want to hurt you

I needed to be sure my feelings weren’t playing

I just needed a couple of weeks to place and settle my hurt but

 

You shot the butterflies in my stomach

Blamed the dust for the water in my eyes

Ignored not just my smile

Told me you weren’t willing to wait

Yet you had already waited 730 days

Acted like you had never known me

Maybe you were right

There was nothing between us

But why do I still gape at the sight of you

Why does my stomach flip

And my tongue ties?

I know you feel the same way

But maybe there’s nothing between us

 

Love and goodbyes

Nothing changed in the last 20 years

He kisses her cheek and she smiles back but

When his wife calls out

He hides the photo in the closet

Acts like he was looking for something to wear

Acts like he didn’t hear the first time she called

He fakes it until she taps his shoulder

Sometimes love isn’t enough

But what hurts more?

Lying to the one you hold

Or spending twenty years with hurt

She knew she wasn’t the love of his life

Infact, she knew he wasn’t in love with her

Maybe just the idea of her

But years kept giving her hope

His actions spoke different

She was prepared but again it hurt like hell

She noticed his heart skipped at the park

He saw her again after twenty years

She was all he ever wanted

She saw how anxious he got

Then she knew, her time was up

Darling, she said

I know for twenty years you still kept her photo

Twenty years, you kissed her cheek

And still called her name in your dreams.

Just take care of our children

And I hope she is available for you

She returned home with a broken heart

Packed her bags and left a note

“For 10 years I planned this

But I didn’t have courage

Or I was in denial

But he will never love me like her

Even when I prepared,

I am breaking so bad.

Goodbye”

Dear heart

Today I felt as low as I felt the same day four years ago. I felt overwhelmed but also I had hope. I always have hope but am wondering, is this hope affiliated to you or the soul?

Hope is one of those things I can’t live without. I just don’t know how anyway.

Today I played the same exact songs that I played then. Now, there’s a certain place this music sends me to. A zone I can’t explain. Is music affiliated to you or the spirit?

This kind sends me places and makes me feel a certain type of way, as if am staring deep at a child in worship….(oh there is nothing more humbling than this) the innocence, the honesty, the infancy…..

Worship is just another setting

Love is another zone

Dear heart, if this must be my drug, I wanna keep high forever. If all this is affiliated with you in any way, teach me how to stay in this zone. It’s a safe haven. In it, nothing else matters. They say, smoke weed and feel…..i say inhale worship and everything else will fall in place

Truly

Me…gracefully broken.

Dear heart,

Today I am singing Isabella by sauti sol…. It has become a favorite. I know lyrics by heart.

This is where we started… from a business meeting to a both of wine. We were the last at the bar…😂😂… We were later sitting on the paveme and hungry….life. Well I did think we would connect this much then until we sat out for tea just to gossip and (laminate)😂😂. We Boda Boda our humble beginning and you usually remind me of how famous you will get (am rehearsing my wave)

So put on those shoes that I like…..okulya sente si kulya mwana

Dear heart, I appreciate how wealthy you have become and please continue to stay humble

Thanks for keeping faith and waiting on my crazy ass #ItWasAs…..

Truly

Life

Dear heart

Do not grow numb against evil. Do not grow weary either. Do not tire from worry. May you always fight, for what is right. May you always be honest and full of integrity. No, refuse to suffer silently even when silence is golden. Be as loud as your worship and as fulfilling as a silent prayer.

I heard them worship next door and I love how you melted just before joining in. Always and always be outspoken either way there is no loss in silence or speech as long as you are satisfied. They fumbled with all those worship songs but at least your intention was pure, you stood for them even when expression faiked. Today you failed and went numb at their joy, tomorrow, speak as loud as you can get

Truly

Mouth

Dear heart

What happens to people without homes inside them?

What happens to broken hearts and bruised souls ?

What happens to people that love, love?

What happens when its a pudding of emotions?

Sometimes you ache, what chemical reaction is that?

And when you skip?

I want to understand you because many times when you speak you are a bowl of necessary noise.

What happens to you when I see the one I love or one I spite?

How do you explain the butterflies breeding in my stomach?

Or the way my blood boils in anger?

Well, life as it gets… How do you manage to control this whole system

Dear heart

You are that one

That made me and broke me

Made me believe that life started and ended with you

Thank you for teaching me self worth, I now know, before anything, I come first and I have learnt not to compromise on that even if the brain gives me a thousand versions of stories…”me” is top priority.

Anyway don’t worry I have learnt to listen to my brain as much as you.

Yesterday I wanted to share something with you then I learnt how emotional you get so I told brain about it and we are sorted.

Until we cross paths again. I must say the script has been flipped

Yours

Soul

Dear heart 2

Yes, I know you can choose to love or not but then, what choice do you leave me with?

All I have done is love the life out of you,

I loved you when you lied

Loved you when you hurt

Loved you when you smiled

Loved you even more when you were broken

Loved you when you were excited and happy.

In brief I have shared your joys, sorrows, the storm and the sunshine. But the heart wants what it wants and I can’t blame it. However, I don’t really know what gets it confused and it falls off balance even when all lights are clearly and boldly stating no “no future agead ”

Why do we ‘tie’ on things and give them so much power over us?

Dear heart, you failed me once, try be good this new season because these are the last letters I will be sending. We need some love poetry in-house, some flowers of course, a few scented candles, a beautiful set up, maybe an excuse to have an expensive meal one that comes with one single nacho for a starter(they call it food too), some good wine (I love it white) a beautiful dress and a person THAT feels the same and sends butterflies and caterpillars down my left, one with whom my Spanish isn’t foreign, lots of laughter and sweet music……..

We need a new season abeg

Truly

Me

Dear heart

So it’s been another long while and the rains were heavy this January. Imagine we had a tornado! Luckily it did hit the ground. In my language, it would be a twister but well…

So how are you, how have you been?

You told me quite a number of lies last season and as much as I let you flow with it, I know that you lied. Anyway, I hope life is treating you better.

It’s yet again the season of flowers(oh how I love flowers), gifts exchange, cheap small talk, many other lies and love ( how I love, love). I love to love especially people without homes in their hearts but also I love to watch from afar, people being drowned in love.

I wonder which of these you are surprising me with this time, I pray not a can of many other lies. Because unlike the last seasons, I am more set to leave than before, the fear of being lonely was only words of the brain and the voices in my head but now I know better. So, you have one more. Just one more chance to either choose me or another. Don’t try to keep me hoping you will stay, I need to have faith in you so show more than you state it. (faith without works is dead).

Don’t keep reciting (I love you) when you gave yourself to another and more than you say to me, you show them. (like in the for coloured girls….) my love is too sanctified to have it thrown back in my face.

Truly

Me