Should I call him Daddy?

She said,”mama, let’s go out and do some shopping. I hope he likes this dress on me. Mam, do you think he likes blue, do you even still recall the things he like?”.

She saw her little girl trying to look her best for her very first meet with her dad. She had showed him pictures on several occasions, he had promised on several occasions that he would come and see her but never turned up. She cried in her mother’s arms for 3 years and would wake up smiling and believing he would one day come and that day had arrived. She looked at her six-year-old daughter paying attention to every detail like she was going for her school dance and teared. “mama, are you crying?” she asked drawing closer to her mother. “No, sweetheart, am happy seeing that I have raised such a beautiful girl.” they hugged. She whispered, Daddy will like it. he will like whatever you pick up. He can’t resist such a gorgeous girl. Pulling out, she said,Mama, should i be calling him daddy or…Yes darling. Whatever happened, he is still your father.

But mama, i wasnt good enough for him, it’s why he left. She said no, darling, You were too good and he didn’t want to taint the image of you before finding himself. So tone it down, meet him half way. Okay baby?.

 

They left and went home to prepare for lunch. She pulled out a box and brought it to her mother. She had been writing letters to him for the past three years. hoping that at each birthday he would surprise her and come so she would have a chance to read them to him. she asked, if it was okay to do it today and she said yes. A knock at the door and she rushed out all smiles. She followed her, opened the door and their he was. With her smile still plastered on her face she said, “you are welcome, please come in.” He went in and sat down. She pulled her little chair and sat in front of him. ‘My name is Yetta. mummy likes to call me sunshine.’She said as she extended her hand. He said. Nice to meet you Physically Yetta. They both went silent after that.

‘I have something for you.’Yetta went in and pulled out a shirt they picked out together at the mall. She had asked her mum what kind of things he liked back in the day. She came out and handed him a green Polo shirt and stood back like a scout on parade waiting for him to say something but he didn’t so her mother interrupted…

She had been watching them both as she laid the table. she went into the kitchen after everything, tried to suspend her tears and once she was ready she came out and said, “hello Phillip. How have you been”?. I have been fine. How are you both?. We are in love. she said looking down at her little girl. Lunch is served lets please get to the dinning. She added as she turned to lead the way. They sat down, Yetta said the grace and they ate in silence. Her little girl stared at the man she is supposed to call father and tears filled her eyes. She was speechless. She stood up walked up to him, his head buried into the plate in front of him, she reached out and held his face in her little palms and said “Daddy, Mama and I are happy but maybe we would have been a little happier……Tears filled his eyes. It’s the first time she had ever seen the father of her child egoless……He said, “i refuse to cry today, it’s a happy day as he tried to fight back the tears. His voice was breaking.

she stood up to clear the table. Philip spoke out to his little girl, “baby, i love you. I should have stayed”. She was dying to hear those words for sometime as much as her daughter. “today has been a little bit awkward. I need to be ready…” He added kneeling down before Yetta. I love the shirt. Thank you very much. I see you have got taste. Allow me to leave now and soon as am ready i pray it will be better. She said, “daddy there’s still time. Tell God about it and talk to mummy…..(She drew closer to whisper) “we have lots of space for you”….. He got up said thank you to his daughters mother and left…..

 

MY FATHER’S EYES

I saw my world through his eyes. He always made sure we were better. I hope we turned out good. His vision and dreams, I hope its how we have lived.

Dear dad,
I hope we have turned out to be the children you desired, viewed the world through your eyes. I know we have fallen short many times. Many times we get ashamed but you taught us not to stay on the ground after falling. You taught us the power in resilience. I hope we have turned out like you prayed and envisioned.
The world of having enough and satisfied you lived. I hope when you look at us now, you see exactly that. Children that are comfortable with little and enough. You always said “Don’t know borrow” I hope we have all lived up to this because teaching us to manage little means we get comfortable with enough. I pray our children, your grand children take this on as well. Because God has trusted us with plenty through the years as well but we I hope you can say, we have fallen into your footsteps. Not for many things but we sure have tried.
I hope you can say we have made you proud. I hope you can comfortably say we are the children you dreamt of raising. Through your eyes…u didn’t see us lack and I hope when you say those little prayers you let God know that he hasn’t left your side. He has taken care of us as you envisioned.
Through your eyes. Life is meant to be simple and not complicated. Wealth is good but wealth that’s not tangible is the best. Silence resolves conflict better than war waged. The rod isn’t only a piece of wood, speech can be a rod. Patience is a virtue that the patient aren’t sure they qualify for. Honesty costs nothing. Integrity is something to hold and guard jealously. Faithfulness isn’t just a word. Love isn’t just want the internet gets to see, it’s what your heart rejoices about. Happiness is key even when sometimes you need to give it up for others to have a share of it. A few of the lessons you taught. You hoped you would see in us. I hope when you look at us we don’t have an equivalent in these lessons.

Letters to Dad

When a man loves God everything is solved.
Dear dad,

I didn’t know how much you loved God till I grew up. I mean some of us believe loving God and all is going to church every other Sunday. But I have only seen you do that once in a year. I have you study your bible daily and seen u mock us that go to church every other day. But I have seen your love and I don’t doubt that you are a man that sought God before anything else. The way you love us. The way you have loved us. If this is how Hosea love Gomer or better still How God loves His church. We surely don’t need to study the bible so hard to know what love is.

I have seen you love everything that is living and is non living. I have on many occasions told people I am a love child and they refused because love children are those made oba before marriage oba when simanyi. But yea you have turned me into one of them. I hope the rest feel the same. I am sure even kaboroga doesn’t want a new owner ever, she has been loved by the best. Selflessly and dearly. I hope and pray I never fall short in this area. I pray God never allows us all to fall short because it will be embarrassing to be brought up by love and yet we don’t know what the hell it is ourselves. Thank you for loving me(us), for being the example, the perfect one. Besides being a comedian. …..

Great full

S

Little Prayer

When my hope if frail and my soul dry

When my heart is weak and mind empty

When my legs are sick and my body aches

When my speech is of a stammerer and my tongue heavy

When my chest is heaving and my blood boiling

When my eyelids are swollen,

My spirit drowning in tears

When a song is placed unto my heart

And my lips can’t make a sound

When my song is only a hallelujah and my hands raised high

When the music of my heart causes me to tear

And joy overwhelms me

When love drowns me

And glory shines my path

Spirit lead me where my faith is without borders. Amen.

#PuzzledLines

She said I wore my heart on my sleeve
My trust as anklets
Walked with peace and hope like Grace was my name
She didn’t know that with all of that,
Faith was my “hello” kinda friend
And each time I saw her,a hurricane of emotions took over.
She said I spoke like Esther

What She didn’t know was that Esther was a friend that became family.

She didn’t know that I only met Esther when Vashti had made me feel vulnerable and hopeless then she took me in and treated me like her own.
She said I love like that’s all matters
And indeed that’s all that matters because I was bought when love was slain.

It was my world and without it, then the labour (crucifixion) wouldn’t have been worth it
Some hearts are at a brink of death so give yourself sometime and breathe

The broken baker #HerTale

As a young girl she was excited, she had dreams and she loved him so much. One day she finds out she was pregnant and because where shebcame from conceiving while you were still staying at your father’s house was an abomination, they decided to get married before it was visible. He came from a good back ground and loved her. He observed the norms and visited her parents. It was a celebration. It was a colourful day and while she was still pregnant, the parents agreed that she will move in with him as his wife. She was excited but they both wanted more being Christian. A white wedding and a traditional wedding but first, the baby had to be born.

He pampered her, loved the life out of her. They were very beautiful together, the kind of couple you look at and immediately die of Envy. They were young and so in love. They played and prayed together.

Baby came hardly two months later, he was no more. Her heart sunk, he dreams were no more but mostly, she was empty like her life was over. Hardly a year since they moved in together. He didn’t even get to play with the child he was so in love with. He was gone. She broke. A part of her that no one could fix was broken. She talked about her best friend at his wake like he was still living. She tried to be strong but that was only an attempt.

She baked!

Something that kept her busy. But he looked so much like him. Each time she sat home at 6pm she cried. She hoped maybe he would return home like he used to after work and bathe their son and eat food made by her. But that was only hope. She cried, into the dough as she baked, she cried herself to sleep. She was depressed, she didn’t know how to start. She wasn’t sure of the market for the cakes but she baked. Her back still tied up as tradition demanded. Humming hymns to herself. Sometimes the cakes were salty from the tears, other days they tasted love because she played back all the lovely moments. Soon she knew she needed to stop crying and bake with love for her son needed a strong mother and a future and milk. But she never stopped talking about him. She is my broken Baker.

Love Letters-18

My heart was no longer in my control

Its restlessness,I didn’t know what to do with it

My efforts were all decorational

It screamed nothing but her name

She was like the pulmonary vein

Nothing else seemed to shift

She arrested my mind

And cuffed my soul

She made music from my misery

And poetry from my happiness.

I sat down

Writing lyrics of her name

Playing back each time

And right their, i stayed.

Waiting on her

Of whom my heart wasn’t worthy.

Grandpa’s Hands (2016 last post)

She carried a small green tin and called me out

“these are late Grandpa’s hands”, she said

(it was a tin full of coins)

he said he bought his land at 6/=

(meanwhile they are like 20 acres)

well, that’s not the point.

Grandpa was a giver,

“500/= for each one of you.

thanks for coming to see me”

this was money given to him by your parents but he still shared.

Grandpa’s hands,did all the hard work
Clapped in church on Sunday morning,
Grandpa’s hands played the soothed the broken heart
Grandpa’s hands used to issue out a warning

Every christmas was village time

(even when i didnt go, my coins arrived)

Grandpa had a big heart.

i hope my kids will enjoy Grandpa’s care like i did.

Its Christmas time,

a season to love and share

bless someone this season.

MERRY XMAS AND A BLESSED 2017

THE GRAND PLAN

Broken, tattered, torn,

Yet she was the essence of love.

he went back to where they first met

the peace in her eyes

the calmness in her smile

the silence in her voice,

the pain hidden beneath.

he ran back to her,

drowned in her tears with her

held her so tight yet tender,

like she could disappear into him.

It created heat in her spine

he touched her in a way no one ever.

he held her face in his palms,

kissed her tears,

silenced her whimpering with a kiss.

held her so close to his heart that he left her shiver

under his breath he whispered;

when you are messy and vulnerable, i want to be your grace

that was and always will be my grand plan

LOVE WINS? *3*

Her cup had run out. she let her bones crease and cringe in his embrace even when she didn’t want to. After he let her go, she stood staring at the curtains blankly, wondering what had gotten into him. She had stopped to pray and stopped to hope. He searched her eyes for a reaction but he found nothing softer than pain. Her soul was tired and silence had become her.

He didn’t ask but signaled her mother to take her in so she could rest. Her palms defensively rested on her belly as if she was protecting her unborn child, she sat on her bed. Her mother closed the door behind her quick so that she wont have to see the tears in her eyes. She took a deep breath, taking in all the dust left from the quick cleaning that had been done.

Her mother stood in the corridor wondering what HE had done to her. Her angel had turned into someone she didn’t recognize anymore. Thin and tired, she stood. Hugging all he emptiness like it was something to be proud of

Memories of her childhood playing back and for the first time in weeks, she wept. Her mother came running through the door and found her girl weeping at the floor of her bed, before the alter she had created as a child. She held her so tight as if to put her soul back into order and together they wept. cuddling and hugging until, her little girl fell asleep on her shoulder, her faced buried into the wetness of her tears.