Taata William

A couple of months ago we were all excited in his behalf. He had wanted this child so much so God gave him a boy as he had prayed. His madam, was worried because her pressure kept playing tricks the whole pregnancy and it’s in this time she told us about her failing heart.

The Doctors in small clinics kept referring her to the big hospital through out bug the lord had heard her cries. In due time, the hospital she planned to birth at sent her away to another because they were scared on taking the risk of a c-section with the condition of her heart. Gladly, they found one that worked on her and in no time they were home with their baby boy.

I know she had wanted a girl but he had wanted a boy and the lord Delivered what he believed was better. “Mungu tagera kibi” I told her.

Daily she went about her duties, cleaning and looking after her little family. I gifted her Bottles and wanzies my girl never got to use because she was a tiny one. We were happy for her. And we had long forgotten the blood pressure and heart. Taata William was over the roof as a new dad.

Last week she was hanging clothes by the line like she does on a daily , sat around the veranda made a meal for her family and I promise she was healthy and full of life or let’s say physically she was okay and she didnt complain of anything until the night.

At about midnight, taata william came for to door banging…”munyambe Mama William anfako” puzzled some of us looked because I mean she was okay.

“Did you fight?”the old lady asked.

‘No, she was feeding Willaim and out of no where she said she was out of breath nd in less than a minute she was down” he said crying.

Immediately we found a neighbor to drive her to hospital for she had started releasing foam from her mouth and nose.

At hospital they were almost held back. Mama William died long before she left the house. Everything happened so first. The hospital gave her back and in no time, burial was arranged. They were not wedded, not even traditionally, the chaos of our child begun. He was grieving, they were grieving but also blaming him for never having officially married their daughter. He had a son to think about, he was puzzled…

Burial happened quick, he got back home to look after his son with his mother and brother staying back to help out.

I say him today, his shirt hanging over his shoulders like a wet shirt on the line. His joy was long gone. I didnt know what to say, I wanted to hug him so tight and have him cry it out and maybe scream but all that would seem strange. I stood aside looking at him as he held his chin in his palm, his mother on the veranda feeding William who is two and half months old.

William must be wondering where the boob is for the last one week but also she had bottle started on him, so he knew both boob nd bottle. He must be wondering why he doesnt smell his mother anymore… but more than William, I feel after the dad. He was excited for this new family and now all that happiness has been wiped away from his face. He is often lost in thought , he even hasnt resumed work. He must be worrying about his little boy, if he will ever be enough for him, if they will grow together, wondering if he will ever find another woman, wondering if he will ever heal from this heart ache.

“Mukama tagera kibi” I tell him.

Mama Nations, ekyo kitufu naye teyantegese bulungi, my faith is wavering. I have lots of questions and I have no one to answer them because the God I have served all these years doesnt answer up as quickly as we ask. I am empty and in pain and lost for expression.

I couldn’t hug him. So we sat apart stating in space.

Gratitude notes #4

Love

Love (read God) has defended me in battles I even dodnt know about.

It’s in the connections I cant explain (mothers know this)

It’s not being able to stay angry because the warmth of that blanket cant let you-love

It’s more than the butterflies and late night calls but love makes sure you are happy

It’s all unexplainable things. I am grateful for the love that broke me, that caused silent tears that made me sing broken hallelujahs, that made me praise in the hallway as much as I am grateful for the love that turned me into a battle hymn, a loud song if praise, a silent worshiper, a thankful soul, a mix of emotions. A love that lifted me when nothing made sense.

A love that made me dance because I am too thankful to forget.

Gratitude notes #3

So thankful for home.

Once I met a lost lady, you know they say home is where the heart is?

Her own was empty, she was suicidal. She loitered the streets with her son. Sought for shelter with friends so her son knew many houses but had no home too.

I asked about her parents and she said they had thrown her out when she got pregnant. So did the baby daddy.

Anyway, some things that we dont find of importance others yearn to have. I am grateful that I have had and continue to have a place I call home. A place that hugs when when things fall apart. A place that gives me warmth on rainy days and serves me tea with a smile.

A place that will not judge me, well if it does it’s not to my face so I always feel welcome nonetheless.

Home! I am grateful

Gratitude notes #2

I am so grateful for family in all its capacity. Family of blood and of not.

The pandemic taught us that you always will not be around people but also you will not always be lonely.

And thank God for phones and internet. Many people wouldn’t have survived the pandemic mentally without all the social media.

Back to family. Whether you are two or one and theres that part of a person you call family blood or not, you were blanketed (I really hope you were like me.)

Gratitude notes #1

September for me has 28 days because on the 28th, I fell on earth.

What I am grateful for day one?.

Life!

The pandemic has been a bad season. But the fact that I am alive today when many can nolonger respond to their names being called is a beautiful thing.

The church was silent

My church was silent

Silent to my screams

Blind to my tears

When my temples hurt,

My feet bruised

And My heart ached,

The Holy Spirit moved not.

The choir didn’t sing.

When stomach was empty and

When my children were hungry

The hall was dead

The pews empty

The pastor didn’t preach.

when adultery knocked,

The trumpets resounded

The righteous spoke loudly

Hail Mary, and all the saints

Spoke in tongues

And when I left, the choir sung.

So loud that they burst the speakers

Sermon after sermon I was with blemish

The love they preached was spite

They rebuked my decisions

Challenged my opinions

Said I was berserk

And I had much to drink…

Only had they known it wasn’t wine

I convened at his feet

Waited at the well

Tithed my buttons

Fasted like Esther

Kissed his feet

For his love is better than wine

Puzzled line 21/7

She craved for silence

But her house was never silent

The 3am hour was the best

When all corners slept,

She stood at the counter of her kitchen

Boiling tea,

Thinking and reflecting.

Then sat in the dark of my living room

Hugging unto her mug of tea,

Little sobs, silent smiles,

Silent murmurs, loud sniffs

Those are secrets they will never know

Single mother

Would you love me if,

You saw me physically?

This might work only behind our keyboards because,

The filters on my phone,

Have modeled me into my dream woman,

the teenage version of me.

See, my new name is “single mother”

Not that I regret my son but,

I’m no longer the high school slender babe

The one all the boys died to have

The one all the maidens thought was perfect.

I am a shadow,. No, I’m a painting.

My tummy is now a mini pot

Stretch marks run like water falls from my tummy to thighs

My boobs are not perky.

In fact they hang like punching bags so

I Never go without a bra.

My face is pale like I do not own any lotion

But I do,

however, the glow that comes with being loved..

Eluded me long time

And my heart…..πŸ˜”πŸ˜”πŸ˜”πŸ˜’πŸ˜’

My chest……..are empty

Curfew & hand cuffs finale

Another bang got him slowly pulling out of me and walking over to the window to peep. Looks like you will need to replace the gate. I quickly carried my naked self, my juices still dripping down my thighs to the window. Paul , that son of a bitch! Said under my breath. Your former? He asked staring at me with one brow raised. I nodded and quickly went over to grab my robe. Please dress before this drama heats up. I got you..he said.

I stormed through the door not even sparing his wife a glance walked to him and slapped him hard. Just because you were banging me and paid for this place gives you no right. Absolutely no right to drive in like that. Excuse me miss..the wife begun…..still not sparing her a glance I raised my palm indicating for her to shut it, Jake was now a few steps away, I could feel his eyes on me. Shut it woman. Your turn is coming. Now mr, what brings you over.?……The wife again, well, he kept saying you were just friends when suspected and now he brought me to confirm. I looked at Paul whose eyes were now on Jake who was barefoot and bare chested. So, please leave my man, she continued,we have kids and another on the way. I could see the fire in Paul’s eyes.

Well, he is all yours I said walking over to Jake. But before I could reach him, she grabbed me . So you are agreeing to sleeping with him. I turned to her winching. So, you thought I was a Good Samaritan when I made that call? First of all he was never yours. He might never be but I don’t want him anymore either. I didn’t see the slap coming. But the two men did and both stopped it before it could land. I turned to Paul, take your wife home, make sure you replace my gate because as you can see walking over to Jake and wrapping my arms around him, I am busy. I kissed him…it tasted like finally!!!

Paul stood there like heavy rains had hit him. His wife screaming hard in his ears but I bet he couldn’t hear her. Tears rolled down his face and after like what seemed forever, they got into their car and drove off.

We will replace the gate. Jake said taking me in his arms, into a warm hug. Then he whispered…first, I am going to kiss your fears way, then, I will make you scream again.

Puzzledlines21-4

Because my voice was soft,

I sang sweetly in the arena

He gave me all of him

My waist beads arousing every thrust

My Clit vibrating to every rub

And because my waist was soft

I belly danced swiftly

Even with my eyes closed

I felt his never leaving me

They glared from my face

To my chest

To my beads, where his hands rested

Back to my face

Taking me all in

Owning me with every touch