A couple of months ago we were all excited in his behalf. He had wanted this child so much so God gave him a boy as he had prayed. His madam, was worried because her pressure kept playing tricks the whole pregnancy and it’s in this time she told us about her failing heart.
The Doctors in small clinics kept referring her to the big hospital through out bug the lord had heard her cries. In due time, the hospital she planned to birth at sent her away to another because they were scared on taking the risk of a c-section with the condition of her heart. Gladly, they found one that worked on her and in no time they were home with their baby boy.
I know she had wanted a girl but he had wanted a boy and the lord Delivered what he believed was better. “Mungu tagera kibi” I told her.
Daily she went about her duties, cleaning and looking after her little family. I gifted her Bottles and wanzies my girl never got to use because she was a tiny one. We were happy for her. And we had long forgotten the blood pressure and heart. Taata William was over the roof as a new dad.
Last week she was hanging clothes by the line like she does on a daily , sat around the veranda made a meal for her family and I promise she was healthy and full of life or let’s say physically she was okay and she didnt complain of anything until the night.
At about midnight, taata william came for to door banging…”munyambe Mama William anfako” puzzled some of us looked because I mean she was okay.
“Did you fight?”the old lady asked.
‘No, she was feeding Willaim and out of no where she said she was out of breath nd in less than a minute she was down” he said crying.
Immediately we found a neighbor to drive her to hospital for she had started releasing foam from her mouth and nose.
At hospital they were almost held back. Mama William died long before she left the house. Everything happened so first. The hospital gave her back and in no time, burial was arranged. They were not wedded, not even traditionally, the chaos of our child begun. He was grieving, they were grieving but also blaming him for never having officially married their daughter. He had a son to think about, he was puzzled…
Burial happened quick, he got back home to look after his son with his mother and brother staying back to help out.
I say him today, his shirt hanging over his shoulders like a wet shirt on the line. His joy was long gone. I didnt know what to say, I wanted to hug him so tight and have him cry it out and maybe scream but all that would seem strange. I stood aside looking at him as he held his chin in his palm, his mother on the veranda feeding William who is two and half months old.
William must be wondering where the boob is for the last one week but also she had bottle started on him, so he knew both boob nd bottle. He must be wondering why he doesnt smell his mother anymore… but more than William, I feel after the dad. He was excited for this new family and now all that happiness has been wiped away from his face. He is often lost in thought , he even hasnt resumed work. He must be worrying about his little boy, if he will ever be enough for him, if they will grow together, wondering if he will ever find another woman, wondering if he will ever heal from this heart ache.
“Mukama tagera kibi” I tell him.
Mama Nations, ekyo kitufu naye teyantegese bulungi, my faith is wavering. I have lots of questions and I have no one to answer them because the God I have served all these years doesnt answer up as quickly as we ask. I am empty and in pain and lost for expression.
I couldn’t hug him. So we sat apart stating in space.
Would you love me if,
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