“This isn’t meant to be your place.” He said bluntly not even strong enough to stare at her. She was willing to drop her life and leave her town for his but well I guess it wasn’t going to happen.
‘So do you want to have your ring back’ she had promised him the day he placed the promise ring on her finger that if it never worked she would at least make sure she didn’t throw the ring or just keep it but return it. But also she had said it in mockery. She didn’t think he would gladly approve. He laid out his palm and said “well, this is the stop and I don’t think u will be needing it”. She didn’t cry and somehow wasn’t so shocked. She had gone to see him and share other information but she suddenly couldn’t cry or even share the news. She dropped what she had gone for and politely asked him to drop her off at the bus station. She wanted to say something but her head was a stadium all over a sudden. She got off and headed for the bus.
He paid her fare..yes not sure if it was courtesy or he wasn’t sure of everything he had said earlier. She got a seat by the window and just when she was wondering if she should cry or not, thea he was rushing her off the bus just before it started to move.
‘What is it?
What is wrong?
“Well I won’t allow u leave just yet. Not tonite. Maybe tomorrow morning. She was puzzled a few hours ago he said they were done and his part of town wasn’t meant for her and he was going back to his baby mama because he wanted to raise his kid right. In a unified family of no steps and confusion. A baby mama she only had of and a son she loved even with just having seen pictures of him over the years…some times she believed none of these existed but she still kept silent and kept it going.
She was now off the bus with the same man. . (Why did she even allow)..he drove her to hotel where he checked her in and told her he would pick her up for he was going home to his baby mama. The moon was rising..she just ordered food and took a bath and while she was settling in to watch news and text a couple of people….thea was a knock at the door.
It was him again 2 hours later and he was now going to spend the night with her. Part of her rejoiced, part of her was confused. She was tired. It had been this kind of play for months. Her heart was tired. But she stayed they made love. She shared her not so exciting news just before they slept off.
Morning was here and she had to go. She showered and they both went down to the hotel restaurant for breakfast. He drove her to the station again and she asked whether she was getting her ring back. The response was a quick No. Unthought through probably
She asked again a couple of hours later before she took the bus and it was the same No. He paid the fare and this time she was gone. Still by the window she sat. Lost in thoughts the whole journey. She pulled out a pencil and note pad and recorded the events. She evaluated and it’s this day that she left even when she kept going back when the invites came. Still cared so much, called and still said I love you to no response, took time to make unrefined calls and drove to visit a hall of emptiness. Maybe hoping something would wake up…
She had left that day after so many stories, stand ups, dropped calls, not feeling appreciated, being asked why she stays.
Even when she still burnt with love
She left because the emptiness, the hurt…it all wasn’t more like what she was meant to feel.
She had been gone a whole year before he got to realise.
When love starts to hurt..it stings and stinks. It’s no longer love..It’s loneliness demanding, it’s depression, it’s not feeling good enough for anything else.