Tag: family

Nothing between us

You short butterflies in my tummy

Yet ignored the smile

I blamed the dust and wind when my eyes watered

Maybe there was nothing between us but

120 days ago I was heart broken

I sat at my fav cafe sipping tea

The spices were too strong my eyes watered

You walked up to me

Told me you have been watching me for years

We became friends

I promised I wasn’t ready or you would be a rebound

But your sweet soul took me to dinner

Asked me out,

When I asked for time you became elusive

Stopped calling and texted only when necessary

I didn’t reject you

When I said wait for me is because I didn’t want to hurt you

I needed to be sure my feelings weren’t playing

I just needed a couple of weeks to place and settle my hurt but


You shot the butterflies in my stomach

Blamed the dust for the water in my eyes

Ignored not just my smile

Told me you weren’t willing to wait

Yet you had already waited 730 days

Acted like you had never known me

Maybe you were right

There was nothing between us

But why do I still gape at the sight of you

Why does my stomach flip

And my tongue ties?

I know you feel the same way

But maybe there’s nothing between us


Grief the thief

I was thinking of coming home today. Suddenly my head rushed to presidents house and I was excited to come see you and tell you of our progress then grief that silly thing hit.

I forgot you are gone. Maybe that is what love does, never lets you forget. My thoughts still speak to me of you like you are still here. But this kinda heartache I feel even in my bones.

It will heal, someday but also maybe I need patience. I know it will get better,I will be fine but just not today. Maybe not soon.

I was smiling telling Nations of you and boom, stupid grief paused our moment for a few. Maybe grief is the price we pay for love. But also these are just my maybes.

I think I will miss you forever , like the stars miss the ☀️. Time only can tell.

I still do cry when I miss you. Sometimes I cry out of the blu….I can only hope

The day of this pic, you were “happy”.You said you wanted a full pic if you were to get an ID and no you still didn’t register.

All I have is my heart and in Thea I shall live with you.

Months gone but feels like yesterday!

Fuck grief

Fuck death

Fuck pain.

If love could have saved you

Nations -2

Dear nations

As long as mummy has air(never take it for granted so when pride kicks in, remember who lendest you breath)

I was saying, as long as mummy has breath, hold unto these hands mahogany…i however can’t wait to tell you about whose hands hold us all.

I won’t promise to stop the storm for you, but will always try protect your eyes from the dust( for your eyes are far more precious than diamonds) and be your wind breaker

Always keep the stars in your eyes and dreams in your heart. Jeremiah was sent to prophecy to nations….you are Nations



Nations- 1

Dear Nations,

I have been meaning to write to you and many times i contemplated but here it is. I don’t know you yet, but i was sure of that very first day. I wasnt anticipating but I just was too conscious. Any way Dont ask why u are nations. I knew way back that this is what you would be called until God puts a name on my heart for he knew u before i even thought of it. All i know u are going or will be a body. One individual with too much.

I often told myself that if u aren’t a minister of the word in whatever way u choose don’t be the first because that is a promise I have made to God and i intend to keep. And since u are here and you are the first am sure you know u are ready. I am very excited to have you.

I know one day u will be able to read this blog. u will have questions and I hope i will be able to answer each one of them.

And the LORD said unto her, Two nations are in thy womb, and two manner of people shall be separated from thy bowels; and the one people shall be stronger than the other people; and the elder shall serve the younger.[2] (emphasis mine) Genesis 25:23

Worry not. Am not sure how many are thea but whatever number. He mantains my lot


Dear heart

Today I saw love

She smiled innocently and it was the most genuine smile I have ever seen.

She spoke a language of love, looked at me with love and hugged me with lots of affection. She lay down in front eyes glued to mine. She looked at me like her whole being depended on it. Like I was her world, like I was four cups of her favorite tea.

She was dressed in white, her hair curly and laid back. We played peek a boo she smiled and smiled and smile…..is this love made perfect?

Dear heart, love walked through the door and vowed to always hold on.





Sadly I haven’t been read as much as i want to this year. And i have a number of favorites but being the 2nd last book i have read so far, let’s go with Paul Kalanithi.


Dear Paul,

It’s sad to know that you actually passed before you completed the writing. I wish you had survived the cancer and maybe give us another version of the book. However, your madam didn’t do a bad job concluding the book.

I got all kinds of emotions while reading and I actually think at some point i teared. Thank you for sharing your journey with us and allowing us to re-evaluate ourselves and learn to thank God more.

Actually my brother, a doctor told me about the book and then bookstores around hadn’t yet got it and when it was finally here they were charging Breathe for one. I asked a good/cool friend (whose wife I will interview before he takes her because am his best woman) to send my a copy and guess what? he got me two hard covers! I have been really selfish sharing them. But thanks for taking us on this journey with you.

Day 4

So yesterday I was thinking about Christmas and how it was exciting back in the day when my dad would get his bicycle and the boys get the panga and i just followed and we went up to cut the tree and we would find my mother with a tin well sealed and full of sand with egg shells ready to place our tree. The scent of the freshness of the tree jeez….Then we would have toilet paper cut out in and use it for decoration along with gift wrappers, then snow the tree with cotton and tie sweets around for the night, then my mother would make sure we all have gifts under the tree (i don’t know how she managed to do this because we weren’t just two but seven. Then she would add the red father Christmas that we had to blow air into alongside the balloons then wake us up 3am to unwrap gifts the morning of Christmas. It was such a joy…

And while I was there wondering whether i could have this old Christmas back or if kids these days will see more than the artificial trees and know the joy of lighting a fresh tree on 20th (Oh yes, our tree was always lit by 20th with our strands of disco lights) then we had all the local Christmas songs playing the whole month. Anyway, as i was wondering, i saw an ML 350. I stopped to think. I always wish i could stop the owners and tell them to just give me a lift or let me sit for 5 mins or just tap on it just to get the anointing but then i also remind myself that they didn’t work for it in a day so i console myself and go to sleep for the lord knows my heart and he says, “whatsoever you shall desire….”


Murder, She baked 15

Frank didn’t see it coming. Neither did I. He saw both of us come in from the distance. The girl is not an easy chap, he made his bed and is now lying on it. She wasnt ready to be kept behind shadows. I planned as she planned, she rejected his pleas of remaining at the back not in front of the camera. i watched them battle it out until, his pressure rose. He is at the hospital with her and honestly am not sure whether to be sad or not, am not even sure i want him to recover. I am glad he hadn’t changed the will as yet all the same.

He must be wondering why it’s not I at the hospital bedside, but why should i be, what would i be appreciating…he broke the vows long ago and there’s nothing left to keep. Anyway i have officially resigned, i am home, the media will go to hospital, they will print about the incident and when he gets to see the papers….so help hm God because next might be him lying in a box while passages are being read to him out of some holy book that he even didn’t acknowledge ever since fame cropped in.

Murder,she Baked.5

He didn’t care to explain or say a word. He just walked off.  she silently ate her breakfast deep in thought. Wondering how else she will handle this. Was it the wrong approach?. While she cleaned the dishes, he came out, he was leaving. “am out. Will be home for dinner.” She nodded and turned her attention back to the dishes. She thought through divorce even when she knew that no one would support her neither would he allow to sign the papers because he had a reputation to maintain.  She thought through just walking out, denying him sex because she was no longer sure of her safety. “this sounds like a plan,” she said out loud.

She went about her day as usual, talked with her new maid, made sure they bound with Celine. Mark would be returning soon. But for a while as they watched cartoons, she forgot about her problems but just only for a while until they were preparing dinner when her former maid came in. the gate man came running…. “mama Celine, Naki ali ku gate”. she went out to see what Naki had come to do. She looked tired, with her stomach protruding through her thin blouse. She carried a suitcase. Mama Celine stood at the door her arms akimbo waiting on her to speak. Naki placed her suitcase down from her head. She looked weary, her eyes swollen like she had been crying. “my mother has told me to come back. (her husband hooted and the gate man rushed to let him in) she can’t afford to take care of me while the one in charge of the pregnancy does nothing“. Soon as she finished the statement, mama Celine collapsed. Naki stared helplessly at her, the gate man ran over to help. The husband didn’t even turn off the engine, jumped out and carried her into the car straight to hospital.

At the hospital first aid was done. Mayor handled the bill, She was put on a 2 days bed rest and she requested to do it at the hospital. she was afraid of returning home to her life. The mayor had to call her sister to stay with her as he went home. He found Naki waiting on her and when she explained her ordeal, he told her to abort. “Are you mad? How do I abort a foetus this old?Am not leaving here until u find a better plan. She Exclaimed and sat at the veranda. He told her he would sent help, let her return to her mothers but she declined so he had to figure out another way. He asked her to stay in the quarters until he figures out a plan but he knew that he had to figure it out before his wife was dismissed. He went in up to his bedroom and kept pacing,called up a few friends and one suggested he gets her a one room rental, pays the whole year for it. Gives her some money and that’s it until further notice. He stormed out. Told her to carry her bags, called a few other people, a house was provided. A Self contained one room, he made immediate payment took her shopping for few things and gave her pocket change of 500k. One problem solved, he exhaled.