Tag: hope

Nothing between us

You short butterflies in my tummy

Yet ignored the smile

I blamed the dust and wind when my eyes watered

Maybe there was nothing between us but

120 days ago I was heart broken

I sat at my fav cafe sipping tea

The spices were too strong my eyes watered

You walked up to me

Told me you have been watching me for years

We became friends

I promised I wasn’t ready or you would be a rebound

But your sweet soul took me to dinner

Asked me out,

When I asked for time you became elusive

Stopped calling and texted only when necessary

I didn’t reject you

When I said wait for me is because I didn’t want to hurt you

I needed to be sure my feelings weren’t playing

I just needed a couple of weeks to place and settle my hurt but

 

You shot the butterflies in my stomach

Blamed the dust for the water in my eyes

Ignored not just my smile

Told me you weren’t willing to wait

Yet you had already waited 730 days

Acted like you had never known me

Maybe you were right

There was nothing between us

But why do I still gape at the sight of you

Why does my stomach flip

And my tongue ties?

I know you feel the same way

But maybe there’s nothing between us

 

#puzzledlines 22

She could have stayed

But he said she was too much

And not enough at the same time

She was overly ambitious

But he loved the passion and ideas

She was too beautiful but

With a body of a goddess

She made him happy

But she was too selfless

She smiled with everyone and was a chatterbox

Yet he never spoke one word to start a conversation

He was cold and warm

She thought he was bipolar

One moment sweet and in love

The other angry and silent

Survival

First we adhered

Then hunger attacked us

The same men that sent us to exile

And promised to feed us

Abused and called us ungrateful

What if it was all a myth

A scramble for power at the expense of the citizens

What if it never really existed

And you just needed to withdraw money from the masses

What if it’s just a super game plan

First they got scared

They prayed silently for God to rescue the land

Then they noticed it wasn’t going anywhere

And a lot of politics was being played

At the expense of their survival

Do you know how hurt they are

How many lives are lost to hunger not covid

Or how many the security men have battered

Curfew was okay,

But how do you support a cause you know nothing about?

If they could all turn to the streets

If they could all have courage to sue you

If you could reach out once and know the pain

They have suffered with the economy

That to some, living is better than death

But here we are

Jobless and hungry

With loads of work but no money to pay support

With decaying goods no one is buying

Because breath isn’t a luxury,

Food and clothes has become a none basic need

We are struggling to see the next sun

Watching news daily waiting an address

Weeping due to domestic violence and child abuse

Trying to understand the panic media caused

Believing it wasn’t politics being played

Praying that we still have jobs

Even with salaries cut

Geeks are as expensive as mental health

Yet we have no choice but to survive

It’s not survival for the fittest.

It’s just SURVIVAL

nations 10

So today I went in for the usual check and the pressure was too high so they retained me. I don’t even know why it’s up hmm..way up. I have to be admitted for a night so that they can monitor it and if all goes well, we go home or it goes bad and we go for the options that i don’t exactly want to think about.

I lay down here with Kaka (God bless mothers) and My dad on phone calling every hour and Papa seated out waiting. Medication is being given but I am very hopeful we will go home. i like how calm and active you are in Thea. Don’t give up on me, because i am determined to carry this sheaf of grain till proper harvest. I have called Dr Apollo and he says the same for other options but here we are. God knows our hearts…Kemmy came by and told us to drink Hehe so we are going to drink..

10am next day

The pressure is stable (thank God) we are going home. Am not sure I will forget the screaming of all those ladies in labor, i pray we don’t get screaming too *hides face* My Champion, dear nations, we are going home. Papa is worried so we will go to Kaka till harvest.

4/10/2018

Dear heart

Today I felt as low as I felt the same day four years ago. I felt overwhelmed but also I had hope. I always have hope but am wondering, is this hope affiliated to you or the soul?

Hope is one of those things I can’t live without. I just don’t know how anyway.

Today I played the same exact songs that I played then. Now, there’s a certain place this music sends me to. A zone I can’t explain. Is music affiliated to you or the spirit?

This kind sends me places and makes me feel a certain type of way, as if am staring deep at a child in worship….(oh there is nothing more humbling than this) the innocence, the honesty, the infancy…..

Worship is just another setting

Love is another zone

Dear heart, if this must be my drug, I wanna keep high forever. If all this is affiliated with you in any way, teach me how to stay in this zone. It’s a safe haven. In it, nothing else matters. They say, smoke weed and feel…..i say inhale worship and everything else will fall in place

Truly

Me…gracefully broken.

Dear heart

What do tears do to you?

Yesterday I was all kinds of emotions (not exactly sure how you handle these at ago. )

Then tears….the way I felt relieved all over a sudden is amazing.

I was burning and as soon as I opened the taps, it felt like rain over a fire.

And the sleep after crying is another story…its sleep from a different planet.

The tears washed down all my emotions even with zero solution to my issues, I felt like I could concur the world 👌

Who even made tears?

Dear heart, life doesn’t have to be that serious I know. Sometimes it overwhelms but with tears, tea and cake we overcome. Let’s love more tonight

Dear heart,

Today I am singing Isabella by sauti sol…. It has become a favorite. I know lyrics by heart.

This is where we started… from a business meeting to a both of wine. We were the last at the bar…😂😂… We were later sitting on the paveme and hungry….life. Well I did think we would connect this much then until we sat out for tea just to gossip and (laminate)😂😂. We Boda Boda our humble beginning and you usually remind me of how famous you will get (am rehearsing my wave)

So put on those shoes that I like…..okulya sente si kulya mwana

Dear heart, I appreciate how wealthy you have become and please continue to stay humble

Thanks for keeping faith and waiting on my crazy ass #ItWasAs…..

Truly

Life

Dear heart

I find it strange that you know how to love even after those many broken pieces.

Those many times you cried and swore not to give a piece of yourself again but you still have managed To go by each day with hope. You have still believed for the best in people even those that make promises you doubt they can keep but still you deliver them your soul.

Who are you even?

What kind of clay molded a thing so precious that even bruised continues to have blood flow through it when it could just stop.

Dear heart, today I thought of the many times I wanted t give up but you refused to let go. You are the real MVP. A true definition of love

Dear heart

What happens to people without homes inside them?

What happens to broken hearts and bruised souls ?

What happens to people that love, love?

What happens when its a pudding of emotions?

Sometimes you ache, what chemical reaction is that?

And when you skip?

I want to understand you because many times when you speak you are a bowl of necessary noise.

What happens to you when I see the one I love or one I spite?

How do you explain the butterflies breeding in my stomach?

Or the way my blood boils in anger?

Well, life as it gets… How do you manage to control this whole system